Bonjour, tres bien, merci and heyup Monsewer Spain… as we used to say at school. As I am just slipping under the one month bar for a blog post I expected to wander in here and find milk bottles all over the door step, the tap leaking and a bucket of fish mouldering in the larder. But no, it is all sweetness and light and little bits of food stuck to the mirror.
Currently I am mostly enjoying this wet weather, although it does make work a little slow but you when you get handed lemons make some kind of sugar free lemon based concoction and throw it at slow kids in the High Street.
What has been going on in the world.? Well I am glad you asked…
Firstly some tit who’s daughters got flattened by a train (because they somehow missed 45 tones of 12 foot high metal whipping along at 55mph) is pushing for a proximity of train lock to be put on the gate they went through to prevent it happening again… oh good. Let’s make sure that OTHER people stop the stupid getting mown down. If they had been hit by a truck when crossing a road would he have insisted on a crossing every ten feet or a ban on trucks.? No. Probably not. Prick.
Grrrr… on another note, Egypt rose up, kicked the bedding around a bit, farted and then went back to sleep with a lack of President (eventually). Appears the power of the people does work.! I wonder if we can do the same thing in this country when Eurovision starts (MEEEP MEEEEP MEEEEP RANT WARNING RANT WARNING (Ohhh fuck too late))…
Eurovision. One of the highlights of my year. Obscure and unknown artists sing awful songs in odd languages whilst wearing terrible clothing. Brilliant fun, even though we always lose due to the ‘political voting’ and the fact that we always enter a shit song and some dumb fucks singing it. Well this year will be no different. For some twat at the BBC has convinced bloody awful de-formed boy band Blue to reform and sing a song for us poor sods in England. Why.? Who on earth sat at a desk at the BBC HQ and wondered “Where is Antony Costas nowadays?” Well it turns out he is travelling the country weeing up cash machines (which is not the same as my plan to shit in the letter box of every branch of HSBC in the land.
I would rather be forced to lick Roland Rat’s ringpiece than have to suffer another bout of ‘All Rise’ or similar droning from the TV. But you know something, this is not the worst thing that will be happening during Eurovision this year.
That dubious honour is reserved for the fact that, due to what I can only assume is some catastrophic clerical error or awful judgement (and when I say awful I mean just fucking ridiculous) Ireland is being represented by Jedward. JEDWARD.! What the bloody hell.??? Having these two poncey twats bouncing around with their spaffed up hair and idiotic grins makes the sort of statement on the world that pushes Hitler and his Final Solution into a corner next to wearing a loon pants of buying a gold Austin Maestro.! I can only assume that they have decided to go for the pity vote, either that or they couldn’t afford anything better than Shedward (ie the local bog attendant was busy cleaning out a massive turd). Words fail me (well they do now at least).
Why do my blogs always end up being about music.??
But to end today I want to add a special tribute. Nothing more to say… Enjoy.