Ooops. It would appear that I have broken my rule of at least one post a month by going over two months between posts. Oh well, I am here now so I might as well look like I am staying *takes off coat and shoes* and see what we can come up with. Maybe I should cover a little news…
Firstly Sara Lee, you bastards. I am not sure if you are the same people who make those horrible frozen chocolate gateaux, but what the fuck have you done to my favourite bubble bath.? You see, I am a man who enjoys simple pleasures. I like a warm bed, a comfy hooker and some cheese strings like any other man, but I also enjoy sitting in a nice hot bath that is kind to me (my skin I mean as opposed to offering me sweets and bubble covered titbits). The source of my major complaint against the world.?
Matey. The sailor bottled children’s favourite which I love to soak my smooth skinned buttocks in has been sent the way of Tizer, Smarties and anything else that has been “new and improved”. Gone is the delightful scent that reminds me of many a childhood bath night replaced by the kind of bubble yum fragranced shite that every anus in marketing (a group of people who I consider third in the line of complete cunts behind George W Bush and buyers) assumes the world wants.
Well listen up Marketing peeps. The world isn’t populated by people who think reeking of insipid dog faeces coloured blue and put in a plastic bottle is fun. Nor is it filled with people who like Tizer anymore (because that REALLY tastes awful now). Stop improving things and look what happened to Coca-Cola in the 1970s when they changed their basic flavour. I hope you all go out of business and end up sucking men off in Soho doorways to pay for your next brie and chutney pannini.
Right, what’s next…
Ah yes, the bloody weather. It is bad enough that I have to work where I do, but to be heated beyond lava WITHOUT the benefit of a thunderstorm to relieve the humidity and wash Crazy Ady back into the gutter, well that just isn’t cricket. Can’t someone go and seed some clouds with silver and salt or something just so we get a decent light show maybe.? I know this week is meant to be record temperatures in London so maybe some of the twats you see on the news might die off a bit, but I can’t watch that though can I.?
Talking of things that are shit… I see 23 overpaid retards came back from somehow making it out of the first round of the world cup and then getting the living shit kicked out of them (sadly only on the field) by the Germans. Why on earth do we keep this up. For once I don’t think the manager is to blame. I don’t think any of the managers are to blame, I think it’s just that football teams in this country are so poor at picking up real talent that they don’t think twice about employing some Spanish cunt on a £100k a week salary who struggles to tie his own shoelaces when there might be a hundred far better players from home teams who would like a shot and a chance to become world class. Oh and taking Heskey with you to the World Cup is a bit like taking Peter Stringfellow to a girl’s school… sooner or later you know he’s going to fuck it.
The only person who did return to the UK with anything appears to have been Cheryl Tweedy (if you don’t include probably a couple of hundred guys with the clap and other nasty things they found over there). She picked up a marvellous little thing called malaria, which is fantastic. Hopefully next time Simon Cowell can go too and take Louis Walsh with him… go get yourself AIDS boys. Go on… you might just enjoy it.
The British Grand Prix takes over my life on Sunday afternoon… should be interesting at the very least. Not only have they changed Silverstone (annoyingly by adding a bit rather than removing all the chicanes and letting the drivers get on with it), but with The Ham and Mr Button out front in revised cars, it may be all or nothing.! It is awfully nice to see Alonso getting on so well the everyone again too, miserable bastard. You lost mate, unlucky. The Ham got enough drive through penalties etc in 2007 to last a lifetime even when it was obvious he didn’t deserve it. Thankfully they seem to have proper stewards now. Good.
Anyone who is reading this on an iphone4, if you want the rest to load then put the thing down and it will work… sooner or later.
A large cache of roman coins was found recently near Frome… Italy has pleaded that they need it back to cover the bills for new scooters and haircuts.
Right I am off to Kerry Katona’s house to dress her up as a policewoman and invite Raoul Moat round for a night cap. Actually I wonder if Davina McCall is home too.?
