I read yesterday that Mary Anne Hobbs is leaving Radio One (hello all, by the way). The last DJ that I actually consider worthy of hosting a radio programme is finally jumping from that anus of the FM bands and finding pastures new.

Now either I am getting old… yes, I know, don’t say it, or Radio 1 has changed to the point where to be a DJ you have to be irritating, full of personality in a bland way or just downright boring. I’ve listened to Radio 1 since the late 80s and people have come and go (in a big way back in the early 1990s when they literally fired two thirds of the DJs such as DLT, Gary Davies, Adrian Juste and even Bruno Brookes and Steve Wright) to be replaced with the newer talent (Chris Evans, Mark and Lard *sigh*, Jo Whiley and Steve Lamacq) which althoughthey  took a while to get used to, they didn’t grind.

Then, at the turn of the millenium it all seemed to fall apart. Mark Goodyear headed off to Classic FM, Simon Mayo left in search of Radio 5live leaving us with Jo Whiley… but on her own without the calming effect of Steve. Fuck. Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening disappeared (the late Mr Greening first, always did seem like an odd couple) to be replaced by Sara Cox, a woman who I would cross motorways to set fire to. Oh and THEN Vernon Bloody Kaye turned up VERNON KAYE. Words cannot adequately express my hatred of that man.

Actually it doesn’t stop there does it. At night used to be Nicky Campbell… ok bad example… how about Sunday nights then, John Peel followed by Andy Kershaw. If I could only listen to music like that again. So what do we get now.? Westwood, the whitest man to ever grace the personality of a coloured gent. ‘The Dreem Team’, those three dodgy gits who appeared on a Sunday morning when garage music was suddenly big and then vanished into thin air the second it wasn’t. Oh and Zane Lowe. Prick.

I am sure I have forgotten someone… ah of course. Chris. Stinking. Moyles.

The worst thing in the history of Radio One. A man who has caused me to write at least four blogs solely devoted to his smug cunt face. Along with his group of cock sucking twats he turns every morning into a programme about as funny as watching a documentary on the Dunblane massacre. He may have lost weight and rubbed some sandpaper over that Desperate Dan like visog but he still makes me want to punch puppies just at the merest hint of his voice.

Sadly it will never change. I am not clamouring for the old days (unless Mark and Lard return etc etc) I just want to know I can listen to a radio station that is full of decent music and a little chat without resorting to DJs that remind me that the world is populated by men in tracksuits covered in Elizabeth Duke fake gold and holding a Greggs dummy or women who have a flower planted in their fucking hair, teeny weeny shorts and a fucking huge shirt on.

Here endeth the lecture. I am going to go and lie down now. My bile is risen.

PS – Just remembered Scott Mills escaped that list, but as he has all the natural charm of a coconut covered in excrement with a wig on I don’t think much needed to be said, take your drive time show and force it up your backside.

Allow me to be a little on the controversial side… I am actually not sure how I can word this properly but here goes…

As you know I am a big fan of all things mechanical. If it makes noises and is powered by some sort of fuel then I am in. Of late I have been reading an excellent book (for the third time) which I had always avoided in the past. It is called Steam for Scrap and it gives a comprehensive, but not exhaustive, review of the demise of steam on British Railways (no don’t worry this isn’t all about trains, it’s a little deeper than that).

Now the reason I have only recently started to read this book is because the photos of these grand, powerful machines being cut up, thrown into wagons and resmelted has always made me very melancholy. The many yards around the country destroyed the best part of 16,000 once proud locomotives in a little over a decade. Thankfully a certain Mr Dai Woodham of Barry, South Wales, bought lots of them and then left them for years, untouched until the preservation movement got really going and the last loco left in 1990 (a 2-6-2 GWR prairie tank if I remember correctly).

So where does this become a little close to the bone. Well reading the captions for a lot of the photos that show movements of withdrawn and condemned engines heading towards the scrap yards hauled by another of their soon to be extinct sisters (seeing a line of Castle class GWR locos being almost sadly dragged by another of the same class for instance) reminded me of another book I own, Auschwitz by Laurence Rees.

“What the bloody hell.?” I hear you cry. Well when the trains (again) of victims arrived within the walls of Auschwitz-Birkenau they were often hearded into the execution chambers by other inmates, maybe from their own town or even their own family. Looking at the folorn images in both books (and people who don’t recognise an emotional attachment between a human and a machine would never perhaps understand this) then it is such a hard thing to understand how either could happen.

Obviously I am not suggesting the holocaust was anything but a terrible event, nor am I trying to lighten it’s effects, but I just am amazed at the similarities between two such different events.

So strange.

You know what, I saw the video for that Lady Gaga song “Alejandro”. Wasn’t it lovely of Madonna to lend Gaga her back catalogue video collection and say “Here you go big nose, put on so slutty ridiculous outfit and then imitate what I did twenty years ago”. Well done Stefani, another triumph. Oh and the song is wank too, like tATu without the talent… such as it was.

Yes hello and welcome to blog number 650… SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY.?? Bloody hell, where does the time go. Actually if I had been writing these things like I used to it would be nearer a thousand by now easily. But my life is much less busy now, work is the only place I go, and that is a big pile of wank… SOMEONE OFFER ME A NEW JOB PLEEEASE.!

So Raoul Moat shot himself huh… wow. What a man.! he promises a rampage and then lies in a sewer for a week. Prick. Glad that one is dead, definately saved the tax payer a lot of money looking after him in jail. Plus his stupid genes will have died with him. Hurrah.

In the same vein Mr Peter “Yorkshire Ripper” Sutcliffe has been refused parole which is a shame. I think having him out would be fun, we just have to have him retrained to attack the Jeremy Kyle show guests, them with a sweaty giro hanging out their back pockets and velour tracksuits instead of the occasional prostitute.

I do appear to be in a moody today don’t I.!?

Well I have to admit I was a bit worried about how the new layout at Silverstone would affect the race… but it made overtaking possible.! Apart from wet races such as 2008, the circuit was rather processional since they added all the bloomin’ chicanes and such from 1986 onwards. Thankfully it appears to have made it all much more fun and what a race was had.! Unlucky for Vettel but a good recovery… and suck on that Alonso you whinging bastard, either overtake something or fuck off, as Niki Lauda once told Mario Andretti (I think). Well done to Webber and Hamilton for a great race which was full of thrills and spills and bits of Sauber littering the circuit.

Next up is Hockenheim, a circuit ruined by the removal of those loooong straights which made a totally different type of circuit more akin to Monza, Silverstone and Imola (as they were) to the twisty Barcelona or Jerez type thing they have going on there now. Still the racing isn’t bad so hopefully it will be an interesting race.

This on again off again weather is driving me nuts.! The other night it was prime thunderstorm time but there was nothing, nada, nowt going on. Grrrr. Either rain or get off the pot you bastard.

Ok enough. Tis rep run time in Ice Crown and I want to be exalted by tonight. Enjoy your week all.!

Ooops. It would appear that I have broken my rule of at least one post a month by going over two months between posts. Oh well, I am here now so I might as well look like I am staying *takes off coat and shoes* and see what we can come up with. Maybe I should cover a little news…

Firstly Sara Lee, you bastards. I am not sure if you are the same people who make those horrible frozen chocolate gateaux, but what the fuck have you done to my favourite bubble bath.? You see, I am a man who enjoys simple pleasures. I like a warm bed, a comfy hooker and some cheese strings like any other man, but I also enjoy sitting in a nice hot bath that is kind to me (my skin I mean as opposed to offering me sweets and bubble covered titbits). The source of my major complaint against the world.?

Matey. The sailor bottled children’s favourite which I love to soak my smooth skinned buttocks in has been sent the way of Tizer, Smarties and anything else that has been “new and improved”. Gone is the delightful scent that reminds me of many a childhood bath night replaced by the kind of bubble yum fragranced shite that every anus in marketing (a group of people who I consider third in the line of complete cunts behind George W Bush and buyers) assumes the world wants.

Well listen up Marketing peeps. The world isn’t populated by people who think reeking of insipid dog faeces coloured blue and put in a plastic bottle is fun. Nor is it filled with people who like Tizer anymore (because that REALLY tastes awful now). Stop improving things and look what happened to Coca-Cola in the 1970s when they changed their basic flavour. I hope you all go out of business and end up sucking men off in Soho doorways to pay for your next brie and chutney pannini.

Right, what’s next…

Ah yes, the bloody weather. It is bad enough that I have to work where I do, but to be heated beyond lava WITHOUT the benefit of a thunderstorm to relieve the humidity and wash Crazy Ady back into the gutter, well that just isn’t cricket. Can’t someone go and seed some clouds with silver and salt or something just so we get a decent light show maybe.? I know this week is meant to be record temperatures in London so maybe some of the twats you see on the news might die off a bit, but I can’t watch that though can I.?

Talking of things that are shit… I see 23 overpaid retards came back from somehow making it out of the first round of the world cup and then getting the living shit kicked out of them (sadly only on the field) by the Germans. Why on earth do we keep this up. For once I don’t think the manager is to blame. I don’t think any of the managers are to blame, I think it’s just that football teams in this country are so poor at picking up real talent that they don’t think twice about employing some Spanish cunt on a £100k a week salary who struggles to tie his own shoelaces when there might be a hundred far better players from home teams who would like a shot and a chance to become world class. Oh and taking Heskey with you to the World Cup is a bit like taking Peter Stringfellow to a girl’s school… sooner or later you know he’s going to fuck it.

The only person who did return to the UK with anything appears to have been Cheryl Tweedy (if you don’t include probably a couple of hundred guys with the clap and other nasty things they found over there). She picked up a marvellous little thing called malaria, which is fantastic. Hopefully next time Simon Cowell can go too and take Louis Walsh with him… go get yourself AIDS boys. Go on… you might just enjoy it.

The British Grand Prix takes over my life on Sunday afternoon… should be interesting at the very least. Not only have they changed Silverstone (annoyingly by adding a bit rather than removing all the chicanes and letting the drivers get on with it), but with The Ham and Mr Button out front in revised cars, it may be all or nothing.! It is awfully nice to see Alonso getting on so well the everyone again too, miserable bastard. You lost mate, unlucky. The Ham got enough drive through penalties etc in 2007 to last a lifetime even when it was obvious he didn’t deserve it. Thankfully they seem to have proper stewards now. Good.

Anyone who is reading this on an iphone4, if you want the rest to load then put the thing down and it will work… sooner or later.

A large cache of roman coins was found recently near Frome… Italy has pleaded that they need it back to cover the bills for new scooters and haircuts.

Right I am off to Kerry Katona’s house to dress her up as a policewoman and invite Raoul Moat round for a night cap. Actually I wonder if Davina McCall is home too.?