So the sun sets on another day. Not been too bad a day. Had a lot of late nights recently, most of them due to playing Cluedo, Monopoly or Scene It. I am genius at the first, alright at the second and bloody useless and the third. Brilliant fun though.!

I am just catching up on my Jeremy Kyle back catalogue and having a good laugh at the giro holding, badly dressed, ugly, screeching, unclassy scum that have been banging each other sideways and not having jobs. It’s a bit of a circus but sadly no one has to be made to clear up after the elephant.

I did want to make a quick suggestion… STOP USING THE TRAINS. Pretty simple but a little weird considering, well, ME. I would like to whole heartedly endorse a total embargo on any vehicle owned by Firstgroup, being bus, train or spaceship. They have ramped up their prices by 15% on the ticket I wanted. Funny how they made profit of £326million pretax up to March 31st this year but STILL insist on money from the Government AND still whack up prices of tickets by massively overinflated amounts.

Reading about railway privisation I remember now why I hate John Major so much. Fat twat business men making hoards of money thanks to you and I paying our taxes. The taxes are handed to First and Whitehall begs them to run a service. They do the least they possibly can and then pocket the profits  AS WELL. Ok they hand a little back but that is all. If the railways were still nationalised then we would have a more efficient, better service run by people who are running a railway NOT people running a business.

I am off to write an email to Firstgroup. Anyone got a box I can send an electronic turd in.?

I was thinking earlier (really Fluffy Bunny… surely you were at work and unable to cram thinking into your busy day of serving horrible looking, giro hungry, unemployed rehab persons from London who are scrounging money out of every possible Government office).  Ok when I say earlier I mean a couple of weeks ago when I tapped my thoughts into my phone and promptly forgot their existance.  Now you see, I was thinking about town centres (oh I know, but indulge me please).

During the glory years of retail shops popped up spreading out from the centre of every town and city. Radiating out further and further they spread across the land and people went nuts spending their hard earned shillings on arsenic filled sweets and wooden dogs. Later on in life along came the car… brrm brrm. Everyone who used to get the bus or tram into town to do their shopping suddenly found they could drive in, buy lots of things and carry them directly to their door in the boot.

Then one day along came the out of town Mall style building (yes, thanks America). It sucked all the shops out of the town centre like  a Top Shop Hoover and squirted them lovingly into these big new buildings, each one very similar and rather dull.  Best of all you could PARK your CAR right in the shop and only had to lean out of the window to grab the garments you wanted before driving to the till.

So what is left within the town centre. Well exactly the same shops only with gaps all over the place and horrendous traffic problems because no one can park. Disabled people generally slap their cars anywhere they can as they seem to assume that having a blue badge means they are immune to the rules of the law, the highway code and sometimes physics. Different buses whip around in different directions not really helping anyone but the company that runs them (whilst some greedy cunt firms like FIRST BUS slap ANOTHER massive increase on their fares when inflation is bugger all and their company made MILLIONS last quarter, I hope the entire management of FIRST CUNTING BUS die.  And their families. In nasty accidents all involving cheese processing equipment).

Why not tear down these “town centres”. Replace them with something else. How about an amusement park in each town. Or a model village. Or some useful shops that aren’t exactly the same as the ones out of town only smaller.?

You see that is the trouble. You go to the Mall and what do you find. Smiths, M&S, Burtons, Next… hang on we have all those in the High Street, you can’t park easily and cheaply but you do save the travel fare to Cribbs Causeway AND if you go shopping on Christmas Eve you won’t get grid locked into a car park for six hours and end up having to sleep in your glove compartment. Ooooh and look, a little shop. Run by an old guy and his wife who sells things you need rather than tat that you don’t want (The Pier, Galleries Bristol, I am staring at you right now, there should be no such shop).

If only the “cunt”cil could sort out the parking and maybe put in a park and ride… or is that too easy.?

(Miss (I assume) Ashmore who writes in the Mercury this week… May I suggest contraception rather than rehousing in future.? Seven kids you may have but before you pop out anymore can I stop paying my tax so that you can get a bigger house.?)

On another note I did a little wine tasting last night. Loved it. Free wine and education as well. Cider tasting night next. Cannot wait . Bond’s Wine Bar, where the Town Cryer used to reside (or the Bristol and Exeter hotel if you are double my age). Try it.!

Ah and I watched Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince too. What a rollercoaster of emotions.! Sigh.

Time to go I think. There is one more Lemon Mousse bar with my name on it.!

Been a bit of an odd weekend but I am finally catching up with myself now. Birthday night out Saturday, birthday day in Sunday, Birthday meal out last night and then back in tonight. Hehe.

Had a really good night out Saturday, my first without Chili properly although she was out briefly too. Started in the White Lion with most of my favourite people and a few late comers who smelt of curry and cider, thanks Claire you WERE drunk weren’t you, lol. A few drinks and catching up with a few people I haven’t seen for ages and then off to Phoenix.

Smoking balconies are WONDERFUL. I spent the whole time outside chain smoking Mr Butler and his friend Lambert with PVC, Baz, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah (don’t even go there), Nicky, Justin, Hwang and various other people popping their heads out to say hi or spark up a fat one.

Yes we ended up in Hobbits that night… quel surprise. I had five different shots for a change but wasn’t sick. Wow.! Pouty was VERY drunk. I hit Christina in the face by accident and thoroughly enjoyed dancing with Hwang and Rich like old times. Met someone called Kris for the first time (properly) and made a few new friends before getting a taxi home feeling very shattered and pissed.

Had some nice presents too. From most people it was purely money but Chili bought me a great book on WMDs, chocolate bars, a tie and shirts. Bargain. I’ll never be bored, hungry and topless in a formal setting again.

So now I am watching a new HD upscaled version of Fraiser courtesy of the new DVD player I had to replace my old one with. £40 and 5 years on the laser has failed and it’s off to the great electrical goods hole in the sky.

Back later… I have just got my salty nuts out.!

Well it has been a little while since my last post on here and a few things have changed but it’s all shite in my personal life and I won’t mention it other than to say… bring on the waaaaaaaaaall. Hehe, I found I could say that in a remarkable Dale Winton like way.!

So what else do we need to catch up on.? Ok, we have me looking out the window too much at work. Was a bit of fun when that old lady collapsed, the helicopter helped, but she recovered from what I hear so all is well. The state of Britain’s parking is shocking, watching someone with a car 10 feet long trying to back into a 20 foot space and failing repeatedly made me laugh, as did the guy who got booked on the zig zags by the crossing by a traffic cop (white hat) who happened to be passing. Well done fella. Oh and if you ever want to buy a Seat Leon regestration WM51 AUH, the woman who drives it was feeding her baby whilst driving.!! What the FUCK are you thinking woman.!?!

Also I spotted a woman on a mobile who held a rather boring but LOUD conversation so volume filled that I could hear it over the traffic and the stereo system two feet away (and I was about 20 feet ABOVE her).!

Enough of the local what else do we have.?

Ah woman takes drugs through foreign customs and gets caught, dirty slag gets herself knocked up with some blokes spunk in prison to avoid getting shot through the head. Let us PRAY she gets AIDS… oh and then for some unassailable reason WE BRING HER BACK TO SERVE HER PRISON TIME HERE… WHY.?? What possible reason do we have for slapping this dirty retard into one of our luxury prison cells. Why not leave the dozey bitch to rot or hopefully kill herself in some other country.? Why are WE now paying to let her play on a PS3 and not spend the day shitting in a bucket and trying to avoid being bummed by the warders.?

Then we have Ronnie Biggs. He did a naughty thing, robbed some MONEY, ran off to Brazil, came back and got banged up. Now he is on the verge of death and people want him to STAY in hospital as he is “still a danger to people” and “deserves to die where he is”. Ok… I see their point but he didn’t hurt anyone. He didn’t murder anyone, he nicked a bit of money (well not just him remember Phil Collins was there too and that nice Mr Burnside from The Bill). Now he is on his last legs and just wants to die in a house rather than a hospital. I say why not. I’ve subsidised part of his stay at Her Majesty’s Pleasure (although I am not sure if she gets much pleasure from it unless she is a Cell Block H fan).

The thing is, if he had stolen the life of someone, killed a few people, “cut some cunt up” in London due to some gang warfare, he would be out already. But because he stole some MONEY and from the GOVERNMENT as well, then he is obviously dangerous.!

Not fair really is it…?

Is it just me or are customers becoming bigger cunts than ever.? Hmmm.

Jade Goody’s mum has contacted the fat faced dead person through a medium. Well done. Sure it wasn’t a large.? Oh and wouldn’t throwing yourself off a cliff bring your daughter closer to you quicker than hiring Miss Pikeyola the psychic and trying to tap into the spirit world. Jade was surely not bright enough to answer a telephone without an instruction manual, I doubt she would have attempted anything that required communication via brain waves.!!

Maddy McCann is still missing. This is no longer news. Although I do wonder how wide an area she is now scattered over.?

Twitter was hit by a denial of service attack leaving the site unable to run yesterday… thousands of people with really bad hair who all look like they have just fallen out of Metro Station’s collective anus suddenly had nothing to do and were noted to be walking around in circles worrying that their “friends” won’t know that they have just had to tie their left shoe lace and then bought a bag of crisps in 140 characters or less. Cunts.

And so once again I shall disappear into the darkness, my cloak wrapped around me and a length of sodden toilet roll trailing from my right foot. Tomorrow night I shall be celebrating my birthday in town, come and say hi, unless you are the bloke with the bad teeth from the other night… you can fuck off and die pal.

Good Night Vienna.!

(Oh and I whacked a load of photos back up on the photo blog page, to be honest I just reran the old ones that came off the ZIP file Mr Hwang so kindly sent me when the wall went down so aside from the none photo banners, the lot should be back up).