Well you know it is going to be a good one when I have started by rolling my sleeves up. Actually that may be partly because of the hot cup of Chicken Bovril (much tastier than the beef version if you are just drinking it) I have just poured down my neck.

So much has happened in the world since I was last here tapping away at the keyboard…

Miley Cyrus. Hmmmm. Stupid name, sounds like a warm up act for the Radio One Roadshow, has hit out at the lovely Radiohead as they “dissed” her after a grammy award ceremony. They beat her and Kanye West (another retarded “star” with the worst type of music, R ‘n’ B, belting out songs that have the same underpinnings but different lyrics – see also Lady GaGa, Beyonce and anyone partly coloured from America) to an award and so she got all snotty and not very Disney and said “I texted all my friends telling them what happened”. Oh no.! Those poor guys must be reeling with the news that Miley Fucking Cyrus, possibly the most annoying American to ever grace the airwaves doesn’t like them PURELY because they didn’t want to be seen with a low budget gobby singer/so called actress.! And Mr West, Kanye, go shove your head up your bottom because you are very close to being the human equivalent of a septic cock…

…talking of cocks… Mr Moyles. Bet you thought I had forgotton about that big chubby waste of space.? Well I haven’t. The little fucker is splashing himself and his “team” over the early users of Twitter. Maybe it needs renaming Twatter.? He proved himself a total one joke pony by teasing Aled (a man who would look good under a mine collapse) about his gayness. Ok mate, we get it. Aled is gay. Like the Kumars, who only ever make jokes about being Indian, he has no other material. Cunt…

I did have a moment of total confusion though when I heard the closing theme of his show (I wanted Wogan/Ken Bruce on but I was overruled) and the joy in my heart was almost palpable until the sudden realisation that Miss Jo Spaffing Whiley was coming up next. A little bit like getting stuck in quicksand and then realising the person coming to help you is Benny from Crossroads with a lobotomy. Oh and I can’t remember which of their irritating shows contained it but the song by a band called the White Lies, something about Fairgrounds, is just like every other FUCKING SONG about by every other fucking indy band with their shitty hair.

Oh and Madonna’s American Pie is terrible. On the bright side, played backwards it is just as shit, so at least she is consistant. I see Lady GaGa got to number one. How.? Different lyrics, same beat, yada yada yada.

A Swiss watch manufacturer has teamed up with a team of psychics to produce a watch that can apparently predict the future. I wonder if it will be able to tell you to insure it or not when you first put it on.!

The powers that be have issued a warning that we are now at the point where the use of a “dirty” nuke bomb could be used by terrorists.! Errrr really.??? Are you being serious.??? I think not.! Let us all face the obvious… most of our information is passed to us by the American intelligence services. These people can barely work can openers (ok bad example) err can barely work out how to walk past a fast food place without loading their already full gullets with massive amounts of food let alone keep an eye on a few people in tea towels and carrying AK47s. Just don’t be Brazilian and carrying a backpack anytime soon.!

and finally…

There is a man in the country who wishes to be burnt on an open funeral pyre when he dies. He is a 70 year old Hindu and cannot seem to work out why no one will let him. He isn’t living in the middle of Hyderabad, Calcutta or anywhere near as Indian (such as Birmingham), he does in fact live in Newcastle.! He has totally ignored the wishes of us in the country who would prefer not to see his body burning like a Foot and Mouth riddled cow in the middle of a field outside of Sunderland. Look dude, just chill, head back to where you came from and be cooked there. No one minds there, it is expected and legal.

He said “it is part of my faith”, which is a fucking ridiculous excuse because I am supposed to knock back the red wine in my church and if I tried to take a Saudi Arabian case on this I would lose instantly. I like to think we are quite tolerant and liberal in this glorious England but we have to draw the line somewhere. Preferably just behind the last Pole who heads back to driving buses in bloody Krakow.

And with THAT I will end today’s proceedings. Pity my poor stomach by the way, for it is not well.!

Just popped in to the world of cyberspace to instruct you on two things…

One, it is Mr Hwang’s birthday today, he is old but I am still older and wiser and more hair is atop my bounce (well just about) so HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mr B.!

Two, My RSS feed URL has changed to www.stitchingbastards.co.uk/feed so any of you who thought I was unable to type due to over wanked hands, just follow that and get back to where you started from.!

Enjoy.!!!

What a change in the weather.! Maybe a summer of sweltering heat and moistness will appear. Who knows where thine great weather system will lead us. Hot hell or being a bit tepid and cool with a prevailing South-Westerly breeze, but I digress…

Sunday is it.? Good good… I haven’t lost too many marbles then. Been one of THOSE weekends but seems okay again now.

Had a fantastic night out last Saturday in Hobbits with Chili, Hwang, Pouty, Robyn and Russ and also Nat who popped in for a bit until she almost dozed off on her feet, awww. Was so nice to catch up with people and especially Pouty who I have not really had time to talk to properly for bloody ages.! Lots of drinking occured and I was sick just once, the next day, blamed on Black Aftershock given to me by a naughty barman. Hwang lost and has now regained his coat, I hope my cock isn’t in his pocket.

Last week was a bit different, mainly because Chili was away and I had EVE time to myself for a few days. Been mining like a demented mole, me. It is awfully nice to feel that mining barge under my paws again and sitting in space mining with the TV on, feet up, drinking tea with the window open was a hark back a few years to the days when I first entered the EVE universe. Oh so much has changed.!

I would like to point out I am currently writing this blog whilst under fire courtesy of my brother and a large yellow battery powered gattling dart gun. Like living in a cheap version of Gaza.! Marvellous.

Anyone noticed the pointlessly installed bus lane on the A370 from Hewish to Weston.? No.? Well it cost you taxpayers £83,000 of your hard earned and easily spent/wasted/thrown away/used to pay for trips to fuck prozzies in the East/purloined for many uses by c”unt”cillors wives cash and how many buses use it.? At peak time about seven an hour. Excellent. And in the same way they REMOVED a car sharing layby to REDUCE the traffic into Weston at the same time. Great. Brilliant. Fucking Excrement.

Oh and on a similar note, Firstbus. Again. Cutting routes across the area due to “the economic downturn”. Err hang on… just because the fares are taking a LITTLE hit and let us face it they CAN more than afford to pay their greedy fat shareholders a little less dividend and eat a few less swans at this time of the year.! People still need to travel from the places they have removed the services from, but what does that matter.? Not a whit it would appear.! Funny how their news site doesn’t relate the fact that these service cuts have been made, but it does show the usual lack of corporate and social responsibility from fucking Firstbus. Surely they take enough money to cover themselves in these circumstances…

…in the recent snow every Firstbus in sight disappeared and left all the ACL buses running. Obviously stepfloor Dennis Darts are more resilient to snow than low floor ALX200s and Wright Geminis.!

And comparethemarket.com have still not got back to me over the fact I had the comparethemeerkat.com webname on here before them. As my sight is copywritten then surely they would be unable to use that term without some nod to my genius in banging the idea out way before them.!

Finally tonight, German, Gun, School, did he have a small moustache.?

Do enjoy the rest of your Sabbath, and Mr Osborne please leave that bat alone.!

I am currently sat in my dining room, flying a small frigate around space whilst Chili murders people horrifically with broken pieces of glass (courtesy of Manhunt 2 on the Wii) and my bro flies bigger space ships around on his PC.

Yes I am playing EVE Online again. At the moment my poor ickle PC has had a small graphic card failure and is awaiting a good booting up the backside… so I have been using any other computer I can get on to play one of my two favourite online games.

This is only going to be a short one… anyone out this weekend.? We are meeting up with Pouty and hopefully Hwang… then hitting Hobbits on Saturday night… see you all there I hope.!!!