Four days of work and finally a day off. “Oh but Fluffy Bunny”, I hear you cry, “you had a fortnight off just a few days past, how in the name of fuck can you possibly need a day off now.!?”. Well I….

****** WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG WITH A NEWSFLASH******

Chili just turned over to Scuzz on Sky and I have just watched the most amusing video in bloody ages… Jizz In My Pants. What the hell.??? Where did this come from.? Ahem. The vinegar stroke faces are truly brilliant and definately need showing right here, right now…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4

*****END OF NEWSFLASH*****

So where was I.? Oh yes, I need a day off because my brain is slowly dying of boredom. Work is a bit dead, as it is always at this time of year. I heard nothing back from the job I had applied for, but rumour has it that half of the town applied and let us face it, I am trained for nothing lol. Oh well, at least it wasn’t as bad as that fuck up with Barclays and their incompetence at getting even an interview right.!

A little bird tells me a certain hairy faced man using the name of Branson has thoughts and desires to run a Formula One team. Interesting. Does this mean he will be buying the Honda team and then replacing the two cars with one car but with half the seat missing.? Or slap in a shit buffet that sells only horrible Virgin Cola.? Goodness knows, but if it keeps the team in F1 and means two more cars on the grid then I shall be happy. Mr Button might be a good idea to replace though… he has never exactly shown the aptitude for driving like a God, such as Messers Raikkonen, Hamilton, Schumacher et al. In his first year he drove for Williams. That was the real high point of his career but he was a rookie so should he have been quick.? Well maybe, I mean Senna wasn’t the fastest in his early years was he.?

Well yes he really was, the moment he hopped in the Toleman in 1984 he scored his first points in the second race almost won in Monaco (despite the terrible rain, but he was a GOD in the rain like no other driver) and could probably have taken the win if the race hadn’t been halted (did the race get stopped to prevent the Brazilian beating the Frenchman Alain Prost.?) and he had several more podiums that year in a car that was not really more than a bath tub with wings and wheels. His first win came a year later in a Lotus again in rainy conditions where even Prost span off in the deluge.

What about Mr Prost then.? Was he fast from the off.? Well not really. His car was a mid table McLaren and he didn’t fare too well. Several accidents caused his only major F1 injury, a broken wrist, which he never repeated.

How about Fangio.? Well not so good in his first race but then again it was a bit different in those days so I suppose it is hard to compare.

However, all of the above drivers proved themselves in cars that were uncompetitive whereas Button started high and went downhill from there… His only win was because no one else could stay on the track. Hungary always seems a good place to have your first win, he certainly took care of the car.

Either way, I do want 20 cars on the grid in four weeks time. 26 would be better but this is not 1990, and most of those cars were totally unsuited to being driven at anything over the average milkfloat pace (Coloni, Fondmetal what WERE you thinking.??)

And now it’s time for a breakdown. Ok, maybe not. Just supper then.! Bye for now.

Monday dawns large, well that is to say it is now dark outside and almost Tuesday. Week nine of 2009 started yesterday with me working. Joy. Then it continued today with me working. More joy. I found a nice way to amuse myself though, by listening to Cliffs of Dover by Eric Johnson repeatedly at work (that one from Guitar Hero 3) and then playing the Hustle to REALLY piss Chili off, hehe.

As well as the previously mentioned tidbits of music I also placed upon my mp3 player (the decent Samsung touch screen not some triped up iSpod with software that is as user friendly as barbed wire on a sledging hill) a fantastic big of disco. No not a small piece of a flat round crisp, that would be more crazy than even me, I mean a song called “Crying at the Discotheque” by a group named Alcazar.

Now this little ditty is perfect 1970’s disco fever. The beat is almost Earth, Wind and Fire, an excellent melody and bass line and has a touch of the early Donna Summer about it. Oddly enough though it was released in 2002. It belongs in the history books though. The singing is girl/boy group and it is camp as fuck without being Village People “out there”. I LOVE DISCO, and no I am not gay, but I was born in the 70s so it isn’t TOTALLY my fault I love that sweet sound, hehe.

I will resist any urge I have to comment on the current situation with Miss Jade Goody, I think it probably best I stay WELL away from that one.

For now I shall leave you with this… The Israelis are being moaned at by Amnesty International for using American manufactured Phospherous bombs, the M825A1. I think they should be grateful. They might have been made in Japan… and therefore actually worked.!

Second week off, third day… not doing much to be honest, Although have been wowing a fair bit and keeping atop of all things JK. Sad really isn’t it. Then again, it isn’t that warm outside, I am not blessed with large amounts of dosh right now and it IS half term so me staying at home and not venturing into town saves me ending up in prison for murdering badly behaved children.

Oooh something I want to mention, especially to all those fans of Two Pints and A Packet of Crisps, Chili, through some bizarre combination of musky odour, deodrant and body spray, managed to make her cleavage smell exactly like Jammie Dodgers.! Jonny would be spinning in his watery grave.!

Why is it on that Come Dine With Me programme, that there is always one gay one. ALWAYS. Are they trying to be all politically correct or are they just assuming that throwing in some raving queen will ensure better bitching throughout the show.? Weird. I think they should randomly introduce a serial killer and knock off some of the more annoying people they invite to cook.Think of the good it would do for the world.
Oooops dinner is up, I shall be off. And possibly reappearing in Hobbits in March.! Hurrah.

Ah, so THIS is Valentine’s Day is it.? Well that is odd. Doesn’t feeeeeel any different but then again nor did my birthday last year, nor Christmas Day either. Should I be dancing around the garden wearing naught but a heart shaped thong or perhaps throwing flower petals randomly amongst the milling throngs in the High Street (both of which you can do in WoW - actually not so much the thong thing).

I have just been sat here eating my lunch and contemplating the myriad of tastes that drinking the vinegar from my mackerel which made up my subsistance for now. I do like my fish.! Ahem.

More on the vinegar though… I cannot help it, I am addicted to any type of vinegar ESPECIALLY the red wine variety. When I am cooking chinese with it I find it difficult to resist pouring a great big glass of the pink acid and supping that like a fine Lambrini.! What on earth is wrong with me. Pickles and preserved chilli jars are fair game as well with me knocking back the juice whether the food has gone or not. Maybe I am sick, but studies show vinegr is good for you. It certainly is good for me.!

Now I can imagine you all cringing and making faces like you have been sucking on a lemon, ahem, so let us move on…

How come that Dutch bloke was banned from entering the country because he was “a little bit angry at the muslims”.? We had that guy with the hook preaching about blowing us up for years and didn’t kick him out. We have had endless people in from various countries all with the intent on splattering people across the urban areas. I am not saying let Geert Wilders (I know his cousin Geert Lush) in but kick out those ‘orrible little mussies that insist on “killing the infidels”. Look guys, I don’t care how much you love Allah, if you act like a total cock and preach death then the first thing we should be doing is shooting you through your face and burning you in a little brazier now we have no money and fuel is running out. Oh and while we are on the subject if your country of origin is so fucking marvellous then why do you insist on not leaving our green and chavvy land to live in it.!?

If you wish to remain here then fine, I am sure we could do with another bus driver or if you don’t have papers then you can always work in a local restaurant such as that one in Bleadon that got raided. If on the other hand you don’t wish to work and would rather claim benefits that us lovely tax payers allow then I suggest holding on to this large anvil and going for a quick swim in the North Sea…

…actually, benefits wise, I don’t think they should be allowed anyway. If we didn’t have to pay for lazy bastards who cannot be arsed to find a job (see also Jeremy Kyle fodder, Tracksuits, Burberry, McDs, Greggs Dummies, The North Of England and 13 year old children with children) then our tax would be lower, meaning we would earn more so people who work over a few hours a week can afford to work MORE hours and not miss out on being able to buy food, use their fridges and wear new clothes. Now I am a perfectly reasonable man but I can think of a few people who I have bumped into in my life who have been genuinely unemployed and have signed on because they NEEDED the money. Thankfully they have now all found work and once again give something back to the country (give and take you see), but I also can think of a couple of “acquaintances” who do fuck all every day of their lives and live like kings and queens, smoking, Sky TV, on the lash every weekend, nice cars and new electrical gadgets everywhere.!!! Cunts.

And now I shall open another bottle of Coca-Cola’s finest and finish level 19 before my blood starts boiling for real.!

*****LATE NEWS*****

I hadn’t known this before and it is probably an example of why I should avoid the BBC News website . A group of shareholders from the now nationalised Northern Rock bank have started legal proceedings against the Government (ie us, the taxpayers) for compensation over the fact that Mr Brown et al undervalued the fucked up financial organisation when they took it under the wing of the state.

Ok, wait a cotton picking minute.! What the hell is going on.?? These people bought shares in a Bank. They took a risk with their money and gambled the bank would grow. It didn’t, it fell into a massive pit of shite as bank chairman and their boards are generally greedy bastards who earn a million quid a year and shag their secretarys too much. If the bank hadn’t been nationalised it would have disappeared from the face of the High Street and that would have been that. Unlucky. If I had bought shares in Woolworths then I would expect nowt back as the company ceased to be. What Mr Brown (the one eyed idiot, well done Mr Clarkson rightly put, we take the piss out of Mills and her one leg, or Captain Hook and his. well, hook and Blunkett with his blindness so why not that. Actually throw in the fact he is fucking Scottish, ugly, irritatingly boring, a cunt, a liar, unable to run a roasting in a premier league football team dressing room and unelected and then we might be getting somewhere) – where was I.??? Oh yes, what Mr Brown should have done was pay out those people who had savings. Pay off the pensions invested in the bank and write off all the debts owed by morgage and loan borrowers against the bank and then SHUT. IT. DOWN. Ok job losses aren’t good but it would have been far cheaper to pay a few badly dressed, chunkily built bank clerks a bit of redundancy money than force several billion quid into the coffers of fat cat Bank Managers who earn five times the national salary and still can’t run a business properly.

If my company goes bust due to bad decisions and poor planning then oh well, I will get bugger all compensation, maybe not even a redundancy package.  The Government won’t step into help as we aren’t a bank (and I guess therefore aren’t making enough money or employing enough ex-Lords, ex-MPs etc. That is life. Northern Rock, HBOS and RBS should be closed down. The money retracted and given to those who had savings/pensions etc in the business and thats it. End of. No compensation for greedy shareholders (I detest companies who have shareholders because EVERYTHING is done to benefit them instead of making the company work properly, I speak from experience).

You may have only one eye Mr Brown but both it, and it’s little neighbour are firmly clamped shut.!

Right… where on earth do I start.???

How about that thirteen year old boy who looks like an eight year old and knocked up his 14 year old girlfriend.? Or is that too obvious even for me perhaps.? Judging by the first reports from the girls house the parents are to blame (obviously) but I am sure the boys parents are just as much. A case of “where is your son?” – “At some bird’s house sleeping in her bed and banging her in between doing her maths homework and making sure her tamagotchi is still alive).

I was checking out the classic show for those of you who feel bad about your personal look, hygiene or appearance earlier. Mr Jeremy of Kyle. All you need to do to make yourself feel so much better about life is to settle down, switch on the TV and check out his guests. Especially shouty slappers who have eight kids all looked after by a “friend” and doesn’t have a clue who their father’s are. Or shouty youths who think they know better and smack their bitches up whilst drinking their benefit money away.

Oh it makes you feel so good.!

The Labour party have awarded a contract to Jap firm Hitachi to build new trains worth £7.5 BILLION for the East and Great Western Main Lines. This didn’t make my tummy feel all lovely and so the Guardian website got this little rant from me…

“Firstly electrifcation is not the answer to everything. It is inefficient in comparison to diesel power (where on earth do you think the electricity comes from?? Power stations, burning oil or fuel passing it via transformers, lots of loss through various radiation points (heat from transformer vanes for instance). Most of the current multiple units in use are diesel engines running through a mechanical final drive meaning no loss through voltage conversion although thermal energy loss may be an issue within the gear boxes (as well as the obvious tractive effort being lower depending on the rolling resistance of the stock itself ).

Secondly, why do you think the country is full of General Motors USA devised class 66’s.? Because British built locos were so badly put together they had far less availability than anything they could build overseas.

It does worry me that the East Coast mainline Class 91 sets will be superceded as there is nothing wrong with them, they are quiet and fast and recently refurbished.! As a Great Western Mainline user I am terrified by the news that we are getting Diesel Multiple unit style trains again, we only just got rid of the horrendous Adelante units, which like all DMUs, have underfloor engines which will ALWAYS be noisier than a standard locomotive hauled carriage. First Group have already ruined the interiors of the current HST sets with their “design” led meddling and now they wish to make them louder as well.!

Goodness forbid the new sets are anything like Virgin’s horrible Voyagers, modern trains should be more spacious and comfortable, NOT airline style seating and no luggage space crammed into DMUs. Even the West Coast Pendos are more cramped than a standard HST (which is the ULTIMATE in UK trains, obviously).

Oh and the use of hybrid trains sets (bi-mode, call it what you will) is very common in many countries. We in the UK have had bi-mode locos for about 40 years (class 73 and 74) so please try picking up a book on trains before writing ill-informed articles”

And that is just about it for now. Maybe a little more later… you know, I am sure i had more to say, I wonder what it was about.!?

Actually they were unforeseen but who would have thought that the servers would be updated and my little blog would be actually out of date software wise.!?

Well now Mr Hwang of The Pleased Women has fixed it, given me a lovely new page, that looks broadly similar and smells just as good and banged in a few extras that allow me to talk even more about the stuff you take no notice of, and link to things you have no interest in.

Lucky You.!

So we shall see where we keep going with our little worlds and I shall be back with a proper blog tomorrow hopefully.!