Good day fair people of t’internet. First off today I start with a quick public service announcement…
Lemony is unwell and in hospital. Please contact me for further details, but she does need cheering up a LOT. Poor thing. I’m so worried it hurts.!
In other news, The Ham only managed sixth on the grid for tomorrows Spanish Grand Prix. Genius. But it is a very boring track so we won’t make bones about it. Wait until it gets to somewhere exciting like Belgium or Canada.
Saturday night means I am actually alone tonight, with Ghostbusters, some pear cider, a little mackarel and a laptop for company but as I had a great night out last night and tomorrow I am off on an adventure with Sexy Dave, Nay and Chili then I could probably do with the rest.
Note to all you people who eat jelly tots… Tits and Arse at work on Friday managed to pour the sugar into my coke bottle and found it turned into the English equivalent of a Mentoes bomb. Coke everywhere.. and only one of them is blonde.! Shocking.
Oh and I thought of something else I missed off my big list of things that piss me off in retail…
If you are 105 years old and want to buy a wardrobe then it is a really good idea to have it delivered. If you are 17, a slag and have 7 kids with you and wish to buy a LARGE stereo system with massive speakers that look like they have been designed by a blind boy racer from Essex, then have it delivered. If you are STUPID enough to walk up to my counter and as I struggle to hand you thirty kilos of 42″ LCD TV I hear you utter the phrase “Oh, I didn’t think it would be that big” then please don’t be offended when I leap the counter and bugger your small children.
Having an ounce of common sense doesn’t seem to factor into the heads of people who buy large or heavy items. It’s a bit like someone walking into a shop that sells atoms and moaning everything is really small and invisible to the naked eye. Or bounding into a camera shop and complaining that “all you sell is cameras”. Surely if you are at home looking at your wardrobe which has collapsed thinking “Ooooh one of the biggest bits of furniture in my house needs renewing” then it can’t take too much time to make the connection between ‘Big bit of wood’ and ‘I am going to have to carry that down the High Street’. Actually, knowing our customers, the collapse could be purely because of the sheer WEIGHT of clothing inside them… figure a fat bird wearing a dress composed of enough material to entirely reupholster every train carriage running on British Railways and imagine ten of those bad boys hanging on a thin strip of metal held between two pieces of chipboard.
Hmmmm. You know what, that reminds me of something else. When you tell someone they can’t carry it and would they like to pick it up from the delivery entrance, then INSIST that they can carry it as it is, despite it coming in three huge boxes, then as you hernia your way across the shop with it they suddenly come to their (little) senses and tell you they will take it from the back. The trouble is that when I then drag them bodily across the counter and interface them with the sharp bolts that poke out the racking it is me that gets arrested. Bastards.!!!
Slowly but surely I am turning into Parky from Viz I am sure.
Think it might be time to stop otherwise I will spend all night ranting and have no energy for tomorrow. Breakfast here we come.! Yay.
Woman to me- “weights……are they heavy?”