How in the name of Satan’s anus did Leslie “Trout Face” Ash manage to squeeze £5million out of the NHS.!? I was assuming it was to apologise for making her face look like that big fish that leaps out of the water and chases Stingray, but no. It was, in fact, for making her seriously ill and almost knocking her off.

But hang on… FIVE MILLION for a ‘B’ list celeb who doesn’t look half as good as she used to (due to those “lips of grief”).? That can’t be right… She had a nasty dose of MRSA, the fault of the hospital, so she should have compensation.

Errr no. She had MSSA, a common ailment that most of us carry around on our skin in the same manner that most people also carry the virus that causes meningitis around in their throats (or glandular fever, hehe). Ok, she was still very ill and almost died, but her compensation was linked to her earnings.

You WHAT.??? Ok give her a few thousand to cover the bills for a few months but she isn’t exactly strapped for cash.! Everytime someone buys a copy of Men Behaving Badly she gets a small donation from the BBC into her bank account and she must have made a fair amount from those bloody B&Q adverts, all the rest of us got were nightmares and a desire to punch Neil Morrisey in the face.

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