The people who keep a close watch on the adverts we see on TV have decided to stop the reshowing of the classic “Tony Hancock – Go to work on an egg” ads from the middle of the last century… and why.? Because eggs are unhealthy.
They are high in protein and from a natural source. As part of a balanced diet they can be very nutricious and a good way to start a hard day at the office or a hot day at a coal face. But sadly the BACC, who are those “experts” behind our visual and aural communication controls, seem unable to grasp the fact that people do not wish to be looked after continuously.! The spokeswoman on Jeremy Vines’s show on Radio Two today said that “some people can’t eat eggs, they may be allergic or have bowl disorders that occur with relation to eggs”. See what she said there.? Allergy to eggs is obviously a serious thing, but just like people who have allergies to peanuts, the general public who are unable to eat eggs without self destructing their bodies are UNLIKELY at best to follow the advice of the advert and eat an egg a day.!
This all boils down to one thing. The nanny state kicking us in the gonads one more time. If I want to eat an egg a day then I bloody well will. I might look up the effects of stuffing chicken albumen repeatedly down my face up to fourteen times a week but I shall make sure the people I get the statistics off of are NOT labelled as “experts”. Just like the “expert witness” in the sad case of a mother jailed for murdering who two small children (who was aquitted after the expert witness doctor in the prosecution was described as being a “fucking retard” (possibly)) these are people with few qualifications who, in that spokeswoman’s own words “asked other experts for their opinions”. Ridiculous. Do as you please. Eat an egg. Eat three or four if you so desire. Take up throwing sofas at tramps. Or even better, start taking pot shots at “experts” in the street with EGGS.!
And now some search queries…
“Vaginal discharge when i poo at 7 weeks pregnant” – Ah. I love it when I get that. Harriet, you have this to look forward to.!
“Really pissed cant remember if i shagged him kate” – Genius. Which Kate are we talking.. and why ask this question online… as if someone called Kate would remember.! And being so drunk that you don’t remember if you actually shagged him is pure class.!
“People who love inserting things into their rectum” – I guess it is a hobby I suppose, but at least you get more respect shoving stuff up your chuff than you do with caravanning.
“Robbie Williams haywain” – And there was me thinking it was Constable who painted the haywain not some lame arse waster from Stoke on Trent.
“You should hear her sing when i ram it up her arse” – It would appear Charlotte Church’s other half is on the web looking up what she used to get up to before she met him. I bet I could make her hit top C without evening trying.!
“Ringpiece” – Simple, clean, kills all known libido.
“Definition of pulling a bird” – For those who are not sure if rubbing your knob up and down a photo of Britt Eckland counts as “a date”.
“Rate my ringpiece” – I would give it five out of ten. Would have been higher if you had wiped it first.
“Madhur Jaffrey’s lime pickle” – Is this a euphemism.? Or is this just a recipe search.? Having seen her on TV I would happily eat her food, but I would never lick her pickle… lime or otherwise.!
“Gay ginger men with beards” – And suddenly my thoughts turn to worrying things. Hehe.
“Sweaty arse cheeks” – Yes I have… right now. No idea why. Must be this warm weather.
“Phone a wank” – Like dial a pizza.? One quick phone call and it’s handjobarama delivered to your door.
“Carolyn inserting a bottle” – Carolyn, stop that. It isn’t nice.
“Michael Barrymore death pool tin arse” – I understand most of this but not the tin bit… does he have a pair of iron nuts to go with his tin arse.? Perhaps a nice aluminium foreskin.?
“Donna shag” – I suggest WITHOUT the chilli sauce, otherwise ouchy.!!!
“Fat german wankers” – Any need for the word Fat.? The rest seems normal enough.
“Big Brother menstrual” – Let us all hope it ends in a blood bath. Pleeeease let someone die on this god forsaken programme.!
And here endeth the lesson.