We all drink too much. Do you know that.? Well yes of course you do because like myself you are all well adjusted, socially responsible people with a clear knowledge of what levels of alcohol a beverage may contain.

But now the Government, such as it is, wants to introduce signs on the side of bottles and cans to illustrate how much each container has inside, in the way of alcohol. I just can’t seem to understand this at all. I know if I go out and drink one pint it contains two units. Pretty simple. If I have an alcopop then it drops to about one and a half units. A shot of vodka, one unit. It is all so easy to remember. We don’t need to be told how much is in something because everyone already knows. It is the same with cigarettes. I know if I smoke them then I severely increase my chances of catching several diseases, inhaling lots of nasty chemicals although it does add the classic chat up line “Do you have a light” to the repetoire.

But even so, there really cannot be anyone in the country that doesn’t understand that if you go out and drink 12 pints and wake up in a field surrounded by horses, or leaning against a church wall, or throwing up whilst going down a slide in the park, that you are doing some damage to your body. In relation to a lot of my friends I do drink less, because my body cannot take as much (damn you, small liver and quick metabolism). Why not stop pissing around wasting money which I give you via my income tax and you piss it away via stupid, pointless initiatives which carry no real value at all.

There is only one time when you need to know there is alcohol in your drink, and that is when you are pregnant. It’s easier than you think though. If you look down and see a bump that isn’t fuelled by pies and/or cakes then don’t go in to a smoke filled beer room. I remember years ago in Uropa, now called Vision, tch, a young girl, probably about 7 months pregnant, whizzing her tits off with a fag in one hand and a bottle of VK in the other. I have never wanted to punch a woman so much at any other moment of my life (unless you include my ex-girlfriend Caroline who really needed a good thump to sort out her lack of any kind of consideration for anyone).

You can tell it is a bank holiday can’t you. Apart from the fact I am sitting at home and the weather is crap there are two more indications that I use…

Firstly Radio One fill their usually poor standard DJ list (overpaid, over happy with bad music, irritating) with amateur DJ’s who have the same amount of talent as JK and Joel (ie none), but even less impact on the airwaves.! The two running the breakfast show this morning would have been more in place on a mortuary’s “in palour” radio station. Twas like having a post mortem whilst still being alive.

The other way is the abundance of scatty looking Saxos, Puntos and other pointless vehicles whipping around the town. Having a four cylinder engine and assuming sticking four inches of tin can on the exhaust will make it sound better is a bit like taking a can of autoglym to a dog plop (polishing a turd, if you can’t see that one coming). The only time four cylinder engines sound good are when they are used in a 1980’s turbo model F1 engine… 1.4 litre, twin turbochargers, 1200bhp, revving at 11,000rpm. Now THAT is how a car should sound. Alternatively just buy a decent fucking car you chavvy retards.

Incidentally, which little genius in the land of Q, Sky channel 362, decided that out of all the amazing bands that this country has produced, that the 35th best was The Feeling and 34th was Goldfrapp.!? Can I assume it was another of those “40 greatest UK bands EVER (that have been around only as long as 2005 otherwise it will piss off our viewers who will all assume they are watching Bliss)”. I guess so.

Mooooooooooo.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 28th, 2007 at 9:23 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.