Right as it is Angel’s birthday how about we all bump into the statistics page, take it for a drink and screw it in an alley (or maybe the woods) somewhere, hehe.

So without further ado (ado ado to you and you and you, can you hear the sound of music.?) let us proceed into the weird and wonderful world of mad people with access to a search engine.!

“mobile phones up arse bum anus rectum death” – Ok has anyone seen my Nokia.? Oh and what the hell is that smell.? But seriously, why so many different rectal words.? And why no ‘anus’, ‘poo chute’ or ‘ringpiece’.?
“cheating lover hijacked myspace page legal” – Err, shall we avoid that one due to past experiences.?
“Smacking big bums” – Well normally I would say the word “HWANG” very loudly at this point but as his new girlfriend would kill me it might be best if I don’t. I have found that smacking big bums isn’t as satisfying as smaller ones… too well padded, not enough reaction.
“Carol Vorderman sucks cock” – Aside from the scores of Vordie searches (including her in skirts, with breasts out, flaps on show, etc etc) I did wonder whether this internet lover wants to see the middle aged mathmatician fellating Des o’Conner or if he doesn’t seem to like her style much.! (Incidentally the next line is “Photograph Carol Vorderman wank off” – no note needed).
“Yellow cunts and bastards” – Now are we talking Chinese vagina with nasty pimps nearby or custard play.?
“Report bastard men online” – Have the intywebs been invaded by the secret police.? Am I going to get arrested for being a bastard.? Who cares.!
“I met you in weston super mare 12 may” – Definately my winner this week.! Just the instant desperation I sense from some guy or gal who spent £40 on bicardi breezers in the vain attempt to drown the already dubious morals of some cheap slapper in Vision/Sands/DK/Destiny etc etc and is hoping they might, for some unknown reason, be looking for them on the net as well. For fuck’s sake mate, there are plenty here, grab another and a do-it-yourself STD testing kit comes free with every third slag.!
“Stitchingbastards Karl” AND “elephant posing pouch” – I think the fact that those came in so close together is more revealing than anything else EVER.! Flea… I know it was you.!
“What can Sarah do this weekend in and around weston super mare” – Well THERE is a rather precise statement. What if the things that come up are only doable by someone called Kelly or Latitsia.? Sarah… if you want to know stuff to do then just ask.!
“Boy has genitals smacked” – Oh great, now Gary Glitter has discovered my site.! What next.? Michael Barrymore looking for info about cleaning pool filters.?
“Andrew Beaton” – *insert small gag here* (far away shout – ‘it’s not THAT small’).
“Dirty slappers” – Ok, Argos catalogue, cat number 750/7111 Challenge pressure washer, give ‘em a scour of that.
“Wife is a slapper” – I know. I have met her. But if you know that then why are you looking for it on here.?
“Jewellry shops in accrington” – Words cannot express my feelings about this statement. Northerner with jewellry.? Shit.!
“Are Scooch the Tweenies” – Well let us analyse the data… one are a group of clearly made up talent less retards who provide such a low level of entertainment only the under two’s would be impressed… and the other are a childrens TV programme.
“Pouty’s Pizza” – She prefers a footlong, I can assure you of that. No meat.
“menstrual fucking” – well that makes a come back after an absense of about 3 weeks… must be that time of the month (baDUM- ting).
“big titted tart in scooch” – Oh come on. That is just not right. You were knocking one out over Eurovision.??? Was it the deliciously deep tones of the Woganmeister.? Or the sight of that winning singer who looked like Roland out of Grange Hill.? Did you really cream one off the top over Lordi with their scary costumes as well.?!
“sarah beeney (insert usual words in here)” – And having put that, next week will bring a search line of “sarah beeney inserting things”
“piss” – only ONE hit.? really.?!

Well that will do me for now… bon appetit…!

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