ANOTHER podium for that young tyke Lewis Hamiliton in the Bahrain Grand Prix then. Amazing work for a rookie driver who has finished on the champers spraying positions three times in his first three races.! He technically leads the world championship on 22 points along with Alonso and Kimi, although is classed third as the other two have wins (Alonso 2, Kimi 1). Great race too.
I couldn’t be arsed to go out last night. Was a bit of a twat on Friday, as per usual, so just went round to look after the squeaky, barely able to speak, Lemony who has picked up my cold. Then I headed home to a bad stomach and a bout of violent buggery with a Welsh bloke called Evans. Spot the untruth in that statement… (that’s correct, he was called Hughes).
Whilst watching the winners celebrations after the afore mentioned Grand Prix, it struck me that the Italians may have the worst of pretty much everything, army, hairstyles, car parts suppliers, food, out of most of the western world, but what they lack in social graces they make up for in quantity of National Anthem. The bloody thing goes on for literally weeks.! I know I should have thought about this sooner, Ferrari having been on the top of that pile far too frequently with the smug Schumacher over the past decade, but it wasn’t until today when the Brazilian anthem sounded over the sandy desert track that I wondered why on earth they play 90% of their’s and only about 10% of any other country’s.
Ok I am well aware that our’s sounds like it should be played only when someone is being carried in a lead coffin to a waiting hole in the ground reserved only for the important and the rich, but along with Bill Bailey and his Portishead-esque rave track I think it needs a change (the rave track which I personally would loooove to hear played at a state funeral. Imagine if we had slipped the Queen Mum into the floor with that sounding off in the background. Prince Phillip would have been giving it plenty of “small box, tall box”, Princess Michael of Kent hitting the aftershock and William and Harry could have DJed.!).
So how to replace it.? I am all in favour of Rule Britannia. A stirring march that would bring an air of Empire back into our, sadly national prideless lives perhaps. Admittedly we did once rule the waves but unfortunately no more. Surprised we can rule anything anymore…
*phone rings at Admiralty House*
“Hello, what-o, pip pip, First Sea Lord here what can I sort you for today old bean.?”
“What-o old chap, Army General here, can we borrow a couple of your warships to do a little shore bombardment please.?”
“No, one has failed it’s MOT, two are being used to annoy the Australians by firing cricket balls at Sydney harbour and the other is being driven around the Adriatic by a drunk ten year old.”
“Oh, got any fat sailors that I can use for target practice in the Gulf then.?”
“Now you come to mention it I have actually.! Faye.? Come here a moment please.”
See my point.? Even so there has to be a bit of thought going into it. We are a Royal nation so slip in the monarch (oooh I do appear to be mentioning the Queen in rude sentences a lot recently), perhaps a mention to the last remaining parts of our once glorious empire (Scotland, Northern Ireland, Australia and a couple of far away places no one really gives a toss for anymore). Better slap in a little Christianity somewhere (just to wind up the Muslims I think) and cap it all with a hint of “Bollocks to the Frenchies and the Krauts”. Better still, why not get Jarvis Cocker to write it and we can have a Rocking National Anthemn.
*Stands up, salutes, falls over*
Ps… thank you to the lovely Angel for her title today. She wanted the credit despite having stolen it from somewhere herself).