Well after a lack lustere weekend without Hobbits once again and feeling horrible and ill here is week twelve bouncing in with golf ball sized hail and winds that tend to only usually get when certain people eat a curry (Angel).
So whats up this week? Well hopefully this friday will be a go for clubbing once more and I will be able to stay awake long enough to go further than one pub. Watch out Weston, Fluffy Bunny is coming back. I am sat here in my warm but draughty stockroom typing this on my phone while pretending I cannot hear that most horribly irritating of noises, ie Robbie Williams singing Angels, on the radio. Bastard. While we are on the subject of wank singing…
Did anyone bother watching the Eurovision ‘pick a song for us’ show? Nope, nor did I. I did learn the winner was that top pop group Scooch though. Hmmm, when I say top I meant a group that sounds like Steps would have if they were all singing with their throats cut. Sadly nowadays it appears to be the trend that talented singers and songwriters are over looked, usually by the great unwashed, namely people who phone in to vote for these things, or Xfactor, etc etc (these voters have so little respect from me that i am praying ALL phone votes on ALL programmes will be rigged from now on just so I can laugh at them more). For a talent like Justin Hawkins, former lead singer of The Darkness, to be pushed into a corner is shocking. This guy has had number one singles, albums, awards, his first album was one of the best ever written for fuck sake and he has been ignored for what? For nothing. So we can be represented in front of half the world by four people who can barely spell the word song let alone create or orate it! Dare I say it, Brian Harvey, him with the big hat and too many ecstacy tablets, was left out in the cold. Ok he wasn’t the greatest in the world but East 17 had a lot of musical credibility. At least Scooch are English though I guess. Remember Gina G, Australian and Katrina and the Waves, Yank. Why in hell we used them I have no idea, personally I would have prefered to get nil points than have some American or Aussie win for us! Shocking.
I hope we all saw the F1.? Well done to Lewis Hamilton for a decent third in his debut for Maclaren. Button, what are you doing.? Borrow your car back from last year, you might have a chance then.! Oh and was it just myself and my mother who thought the new Ing Banking ads on the Renault’s and trackside were just crying out for the addition of another four letters.? Like “Gurn” or “Cock” or “Wank”. Either that or Ing is the only banking company in the world that exclusively employs people with mental defects *puts tongue in bottom lip* “iiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggg” (TAXI.! *points past Hwang’s ear*). Ah no, wait, HSBC do as well.
Gordon Brown looks set to double large car engines road tax. Good. Might keep those retard parents who insist on driving 4×4s every where away from the roads. As Jimmy Nail starring in Auf Weiderehen Pet once said, the difference between a Range Rover and a hedgehog is that the pricks are on the outside on the latter.
And finally tonight… Naomi Campbell is sweeping a warehouse in the US as community service for lobbing her mobile at one of her ex staff. Rumours that she has been using Kate Moss upside down as a broom have been denied.
Daft as a brush, that one.!
Right I best go and polish off the handcuffs and put some towels down, Lemony is coming round in a bit. ‘Ning All.