I am beginning to think my blog is only hit by boy racers, pervs who like Carol Vorderman waaaay too much and Lionel Blair.! So here are the search terms finding my site recently…

“Men that arent bastards” Well I am not… am I.?
“Penguin picker upper” Caz.? Where for art thou.?!
“Ranting yorkshire woman” Southern jessies…
“Too gay man armageddon hamster downloads” Richard Gere again.?
“Rhosllanerchrugog old photos” What the fuck..?
“David sneddon writing for girls aloud” Oh joy. No really.
“Compare breast size” To what.? Bernard Manning.?
“Angel eyes lights ford mondeo mk3″ Wet Wet Wet, now in car parts industry
“back aches vauxhall” then buy a Ford.!
“Myra hindley ian baker” No relation.!
“Mental asylum 1960’s” As opposed to NHS 2000’s
“Joey barton’s bum video” I am not sure I wanna see that.
“Fuck my homo arse” Or that for that matter.!
“Badly modded saxo” Ah Weston’s finest. Shit cars.

Sometimes you people worry me.!

News in shorts now.? *changes trousers*

See that tubby eight year old is off back home. Whether the first floor will survive much longer remains to be seen.

Rail bosses said “sorry” for death of lady on the Class 390 Pendolino that crashed. That’s alright then.

Ken Livingstone has suddenly gained power over commuter services to London. Why do the words “we are all doomed” pop into my head.?

Tony Blair warns Iran. Something about nuclear proliferation… send in the missus Tony, she is far more scary than you.

Footballers from Carling Cup clashers Arsenal and Chelsea get a couple of matches off for bad behaviour. Still get paid vast sums of money for doing fuck all then, rapists, yobbos and arseholes the lot of ‘em.

While I am on that, Tony Blair has been moaning about ticket prices to matches. Stop dicking around in non-essential crap like sport and sort out the NHS, Police and military you retard.!

Tara Palmer-Tompkinson and Colin Murray sign up for “star studded” Comic Relief Fame Academy. Did I say star studded.? I meant ZZZ list Wank Farm.

CSPI, a US nutrition policy watchdog, is telling all restaurants that they should tell diners how much fat etc is in the food they serve. Wouldn’t it be better if people just took responsibility when eating out. Oi. Fat American people. If you are eating forty burgers a week, that isn’t right. Hehehe, I want to watch one of you people explode.

Enough. Fish pie now… Hunger. Strikes.

Oh my goodness me. First dance music starts raping hits of the seventies and eighties for backing music to use as a bed for the aural equivalent of AIDS and now a reasonably renown “R ‘N’ B” singer takes up the rather tired and worn batten and runs off with it.

The song being pillaged in this case is The Strangler’s, Golden Brown. The singer in question is Jamelia. I am pretty sure she didn’t write the song, but i would love to meet the guy who did! Somewhere in a little study, locked away, there is a man surrounded by hundreds of CDs and records and every few weeks he gets a phone call from an agent asking for a song to be written for whoever.

So what does he do? Simple, he lights another cigar, picks up a blob of chewing gum and throws it randomly at his audio collection. And thus a new track is created for a myriad of different artists. As for the Jamelia song itself, it is pretty awful. The faster speed of the original is lost in some banal over beat which is slower than it should be. The overall effect ends up as something like a funeral dirge played at high speed through a Hammond organ (and no i don’t mean the willie of a Top Gear presenter).

Other news now, isn’t the weather rather nice at the moment. Enjoy this, it might well be all the summer we get. Thankfully the half term is over and there are far less odd people around in town… Except for someone I saw earlier with one of my female aquaintances. He appeared to be wearing a copycat outfit to that of the now blonde haired singer of My Chemical Romance.

Trouble is the aura was more of someone who had stolen an outfit from a 19th century soldier who forgot to steal the musket or bayonet. I was trying rather hard not to laugh.!

I know individuality is a by-word when it comes to being yourself, but looking like you just wandered off an American Civil War battlefield is another thing entirely.! Brilliant.

And last but not least, Hobbits. I have heard some interesting things about the rebuild. Will I be able to strike a deal for spyshot photos, watch this space.! If not then I shall just whack a cam in the ladies and fwap away. Just kidding. Of course.

Oooooh… forgot, found this… you might remember the original with the “Lion Sleeps Tonight” soundtrack…

Shame it’s in French.

*****LATE NEWS*****

Well, I better get this rant in while it is still relatively in the media focus…

Fat eight year old boy almost taken into care because his mum is “loving” him to death.

Errrr… no she isn’t loving him to death, she is too afraid to discipline the chubby little waster. He spends long hours sitting in front of his PC eating junk food (hang on, sounds vaguely familiar). Ok, I do that. But I work eight hours a day running around a hot/chilly stockroom carrying flat pack furniture, microwaves and sets of weights. He doesn’t.

Medicalnewstoday.com had this revealing insight…

“He spends long hours sitting at his computer and eats junk food all day long. He loves curries, sausage sandwiches, biscuits and burgers and he eats chips or fries with all his meals.”

He is too fat to dress himself, go to school or really leave the house, so how does he get all this crap in his diet.? Well his mother brings it to him. While he sits at his computer. (*Fluffy Bunny is currently eating celery to prove a point*)

Not wishing to point out the obvious but why doesn’t she stop it.? He is only eight. He can’t go take his wages down the offy and buy 19 packets of Pringles can he.? There is no chance of him being able to order a takeaway so give him the two choices. Take it (the green stuff) or leave it. Either way it is going to reduce his weight to an acceptable and HEALTHY level. I should point out that this child is 4 stone HEAVIER than I am.!

It disgusts me. The parents should stop stocking food in their house that is classed as junk food and take a few steps, even if they have to change their diets, to prevent their child dying.

I did notice he has his own motorbike though. Have that as well as the PC. Let him run.

Me again, if you remember who I am, since Hobbits closed I feel like I am in limbo for a bit until my life can continue properly (sad isn’t it)… Because of this the following may be a little out of date but I don’t give a tinker’s cuss.

Did anyone watch the programme on TV the other day about the last 48 hours of Kurt Cobain.? No.? Well why not, it was marvellous…

Took me back a bit, it did. As a music maker I have never been one of the biggest fans of Mr Cobain’s, not due to him, his unendearing wife or his music. Just Nirvana, such as they were, were “just another band” to me at the time and stole the limelight from my personal favourites at the time (when I was an indie boy) such as Blur, Pulp, Oasis, OCS, etc, etc.

But looking back, maybe there was more of an influence on my way of thinking and links to the world of grunge and rock music than I thought. Nowadays it is obvious that most of my musical love is splayed forth in front of big men in leather with tattoos and bits of metal dangling from their bits (wow is it homo-erotic in here or is it me.?). I have a couple of Nirvana albums which contain those old classics such as Smells Like Teen Spirit and Heart Shaped Box but I feel no extra need to delve any deeper into their back catalog (and hating the Foo Fighters, no further forward either).

Ultimately, though, I am glad that Kurt existed. His music seemed to lead a revolution that dragged rock music out of the doldrums of the 1980’s poodle rocker and up to the fore front of main stream audio. Throw in Pearl Jam and Soundgarden and half the world would be ready to throw the horns, leap on a set of drums and marry iffy looking blonde women. On top of all that, it was bloody good music wasn’t it.!

Well it is Friday. i am unbearably tired simply because I could not sleep last night, but I have an hour to kill so I might as well slip in a little rant…

Some global awareness requires a concert does it. Lots of top dog international music stars being flown in by plane to plug themselves into a large sounds system which requires four or five generators (not those little ones you get by ice cream vans, the BIG ones that get towed behind carnival floats) and sing loudly under bright lights (re power needs, increase ‘em to six gennies), whilst 50 thousand people eat hot dogs and burgers (more power Cap’n) and drop ton upon ton of litter into the food chain.

What a brilliant idea. Obviously to prevent pollution you need to cause a little. Must be like an investment bank. Give em 20,000 tonnes of CO2 and they will stop polluting to the tune of 20 million tonnes. Right.? Errr I can’t see that happening.

Is there now less famine in the Third World Nation’s thanks to Bob Geldof and Bono Baggins.? I doubt it very much. Their little venture of Live8 did pretty much shit all apart from entertain a few western nations (oh the deep, deep irony) and, well cause some pollution. More irony is the fact that this “24 hour rock concert” is being pushed forward by the Americans. One of the world’s BIGGEST polluting nations. Judging by the line ups for some of the concerts I can see it isn’t just air pollution they are going for… noise pollution is going to be quite a feature too… Black Eyed Peas, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Faith Hill, Kelly Flaming Clarkson.!

This is really not the way to promote a clean planet. Re-educating the Yanks and the Chinese and telling the Australians to cut down on all those sodding barbeques would be a good start.

When it comes to pollution I really have stopped caring. I hear so many different stories from some many different scientists that it is awfully hard to decide on what is happening and before you say “heresay means nothing” I am talking about studies published in New Scientist and other journals, not the crap you get in The Sun.

Damn you tabloid journalism for I shall now have to defend the actions and reactions of a blooming politician, now how often do you hear me say that.? Yes I know I am a few days late on this one but I have the memory of an elderly, alzheimer’s ridden goldfish and it has only just popped back into my head.

Mr David Cameron, leader of the Conservative party… my party, well it was back in the 1980’s when Maggie was telling the trade unions to stick it up their collective arses sideways, since she left it has seen a terribly lack lustre procession of no-ones, has beens and sleaze ridden wannabes. Major (I am not inconsiderably amused), Hague (although he is forgiven for being funny as hell on Have I Got News For You), Howard (don’t even go there), Duncan-Smith (so bad they named him twice) the list seems almost endless. But now maybe we have someone willing to put themselves out there, take the ridicule and hold their head up high whilst all at labour seems to be draped in other people’s spouse’s underwear, illegitimate kids and dirty money.

So why does he need defending.? Well because a certain group of journalists have got hold of a story from when he was young involving drink, some pot and getting kicked out of school and he “will not denythe claims”. Wow.!

Big. Fucking. Deal.

What do I care if he was knocking back three bottles of JD a night and smoking more ganja than Bob Marley. I personally couldn’t give a mammoths arse if he was floating 18 foot off of the floor while licking Doris Stokes’ inside thighs every other Thursday night. He doesn’t do it any more does he.? Why in heaven’s name are they bothering with this.?!

Who would you want running your country more.? Someone who has done it all, had a good time, enjoyed life, tried things, but was now settled into a family with a steady home life and had the experience of all things or someone who has done sod all because they looked like a Harry Enfield character and now is gasping for the power so he can try drink, drugs and inserting gentlemen’s appendages into his bottom simply because he has led such a sheltered life up until now.

Leave the poor guy alone. If he makes a difference to the world and it becomes a nicer place to live then bargain, if not and he ends up with egg on his face then pull him to pieces then. Look at “clean living” Blair, a family man with good intentions who had a chance to make the country better and has pandered to liberals, asylum seekers and the “human rights” lobby, leaving the country in a total state and 21st (last) on a list of the World’s Richest Nations To Grow Up In.

So what does Davey boy have to do then.? Easy… Sort out the health service, drop all the silly debt worries and fire thousands of middle managers. That done, we go onto transport, re-nationalise the railways through the back door, fire the entire HSE and urinate on their bodies. Put all paedophiles on a prison boat along with the countries civil servants and sink it somewhere near Boscombe Bay. Take hold of a human rights protester and murder him in front of Cheri Blair whilst laughing. A lot. Defecate in the Princess Di Memorial Fountain. Put armed guards on all channel ports with a note to shoot all foreigners trying to enter the country with or without passports unless they have a career that doesn’t include bus driving. Tell the USA to fight it’s own wars and withdraw ALL our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan. Moon at George W Bush via video phone. Get Maggie Thatcher knighted. And finally, stop Tesco’s opening anymore fucking shops, tis like some kind of low quality plague.!

Robbie Williams. Let us talk about him. Admitted to a rehab centre in the US of overweight A for addiction to perscription drugs. I did notice they didn’t say what kind of drug though. Maybe he is continuously ramming suppositories up his ring piece that are meant for some kind of “women’s problem” or rubbing a tube of orabase ulcer cream into his gums every three hours. Either way, why in hell does he have this rather pathetic addiction.?

Quick checklist, money, check, women, check, big house, check, glittering (but incredibly annoying) career, check. All there then… so why the need to dope himself up.? What does he have to get away from.? The pressures of his constant touring or making iffy records (see the capter marked “Rudebox”) cannot be THAT bad, if it gets that much on top of you at work then you take a holiday, unlike myself he has enough money to say “I am done now and I will stop there. I do not need to make anymore money/records/etc, so I shall lay down my hat and build a house on it”. I have a week off right now which is a nice relief from it all and I bet Mr Williams doesn’t get customers shouting at him in his line of work, no, he has hot women chucking themselves at him instead.

It is the same sort of story with footballers though. I notice poor Joey Barton got the cold shoulder from the rest of the England squad (who to be honest couldn’t beat a 95 year old cripple let alone another football team) and all because he said they had all “cashed in” on their own failure by writing books after the 2007 World Cup. Our performance on the footy field as an international team is always laughable nowadays and why.? I am reasonably sure it is because of their antics OFF the pitch, constant promotional activity involving make up, clothing, getting drunk and having fights in night clubs, etc, etc.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, soccer players are the least intelligent, highest paid, least sporting and least committed group of sportsmen that I can think of. They do the worst job on the pitch and then blame their manager/boots/fellow players/night out on the bacardi before waltzing off home to their £20million mansion. They don’t risk their lives when playing football, they kick a bit of leather around for ninety minutes, occasionally throwing themselves onto the floor and pretending to be injured. That isn’t sport.! I have watched five-a-side matches with more action and more sportsmanship than most England matches.

Sack the bloody lot of them (well except Mr Barton, at least he seems to have an idea of how the world works).!

On to other things… did you see my letter in the Mercury again.? Hehe. Star letter with lovely full colour photo. Grand.

Yes, I know this is a weird time to have updated my blog but I have a weeks holiday and I thought I better slap this up before I nipped onto World Of Warcraft again (Level 44 now wooohooo).! Enjoy your days.!

*****LATE NEWS*****

I have just had my nose slipping merrily through a few websites regarding a new exhibiton at the Tate Modern (which should have all your “rant warning radar” sets going totally manic). Gilbert and George, sounds like a merry 1960’s folk group, have a few “works” up on the walls of the aforementioned mental asylum. I say mental asylum purely because out of all things in this world I find “modern art” the most over-hyped and misleading of them all.

Yes I am one of those that likes to imagine a nice painting on a wall somewhere that actually resembles what ever subject the artist decided to whack his easel up against. For instance, The Haywain, lovely. hay, wagon, ford, all looks real enough or The Battle of Blenheim, just as real, even the Bayeaux Tapastry is good to go. In Peter Griffin from Family Guy’s words, what really grinds my gears is a miriad of overpaid people, such as Tracey Emin or ole Damy Hurst producing a total pile of pointless shite in the name of art.

In this Gilbert and George exhibition, or at least in the images I have gleaned from the intraweb, we have various works that appear to have been painted onto the tiles you find in London public toilets if you were back in 1934. They vaguely resemble graffiti but that is where the possiblity of talent stops and the anti-haywaining begins. Let us take one such piece, “Bombs 2006“, click for image two. It contains two images of said artists with a little bad photo shopping (seriously) and a load of psuedo-headlines in tabloid newspaper board styles. I can do that. Earlier on today I took a pair of smaller ears, cut them out and pasted them in bright pink to look like my own ears. Genius. Took me a few minutes and cost nothing. The difference is that I wasn’t making an ironic gesture against the terrorist threat in the UK, I wasn’t paid a cunt full of money and it wasn’t whacked up on show in a converted abatoir to be stared at by 2CV after 2CV load of jumped up, pompous tosspots from the East End.

Bounce on a pic to number three and check out “The Wall”. From 1986 it depicts the stereotypical gay image of the time… something that the Village People managed to do a decade earlier with far more panache.

Their one saving grave, and it is a small one, is the final image, a charcoal on paper image of them both stood by a lake. It looks great, well defined, clear of stroke, smooth of line and brings out the beautiful reflective image of a day in the country. So why bother producing all the other toss.?

Thankfully they are NOT in the same “touched by insanity” place as Tracey Emin, her with the badly made bed. Thankfully no one is. Not even 99% of mentally ill hospital patients would have anything to do with that.!

Everyone heard the new Comic Relief song.? Dear me, what in hell were they thinking in that meeting when someone said “I know, lets take one of the most famous rap/rock combos in history and let a load of third rate women sing it. Girls Aloud sound bloody awful as usual but the Sugababes have totally let themselves down (as well they might since there is only one original member left and the other two have been replaced by two women who appear to have failed the auditions for Girls Aloud). Makes me cringe everytime it hits the radio. Mmmmnneeehhaaa.

Wednesday then. Snow on the way, not. It never snows in Weston and if it does more than ever before in living memory (and sticks, stays and lets me have a snowball fight) then I shall be recolouring my hair that vivid pink for DownLoad (BABY.!). Think I am reasonably safe in blonde.

What else has been going on.? Well I sent ANOTHER letter to the Mercury, re Dolphin Square. Watch your papers this Friday. The Sun manages to get hold of that top secret tape that the M.O.D said didn’t exist.

Oh I remember what I was going to rant about…

Mars have stopped their ads running aimed at 12 year old children and younger. They feel that the country is fat as fuck and they shouldn’t help it along anymore by shoving images of sugar laden treats in between the Tweenies and waving their wallets hello. But then again why should they do that.? How many parents sit there and go “There you are Anna, dinner. It is a balanced diet of vegetables, protein and vitamins, a little fat and salt, if you eat it all then you can have a treat maybe”.? Not many anymore it seems. Nowadays the phrase is “Kelli-Donna-Marie (yes all one person) here is some money from me giro to nip dahn Maccie D’s. Grab me a bottle of voddy and 20 Mayfair on the way home”.

I have said it before, but for the benefit of those dippy bastard people who don’t talk English properly (ie the Yanks) here it is once more…

Parents please take note. The world is not responsible for your chubby little 6 year old. I am sorry he is nearing 15 stone and cannot SEE his shoelaces let alone tie them. If you would only stop repeatedly inserting sugary gifts into his fat face he might not have a heart condition and be clinically obese. Why not try removing his pocket money and taking him on a lead for a run in the park. If he stamps his feet and has a tantrum, smack the little fuckers ass and tell him to stop being such a baby.

Alternatively you could always hire him out as a bouncy castle.

Well the doorbell rings over yonder, that’ll be the missus. Why not check back through the archives of this site if you are bored. There is always plenty to see and do (you can see my knob and do me if you like). Byeeee.!

So as I stop getting people emailing me asking “when are you going to update your blog, Mr Bunny, Sir.?” I had better update it.

Now where shall I begin. Last weekend was the last Hobbits night for a while (if ever.!) and was absolutely brilliant. I WILL get round to posting the photos when I get my head out of my arse (and World of Warcraft). This weekend I just stayed in. Missing the old place already but I did save about £70 through not leaving the house, hehe.

How about some news shorts….

Bird flu, should I bother.? It is quite boring isn’t it.? Bernard Manning is shitting himself though apparently.

How about a letter bomb going off at the place that runs the London Congestion Charge and TV Licensing.? That is funnier but still not “news worthy” (well not for this site at least, let’s face it, we are talking upper class humour here (yeah right)).!

What about the British soldier in the Middle East that was killed by American friendly fire (what a fucking surprise, when have the yanks ever been able to hit anyone but their own side.???) . His missus is still awaiting a verdict but the US Government (such as it is) is refusing to provide evidence “Because it is all top secret”… in other words “yes our pilots are useless and probably couldn’t hit a barn door with a double deck National Express coach, but we don’t have to prove it do we.?” All you UK soldiers with stinger missiles in Iraqi, you see those US Air Force jets.? If you can shoot one down then I will buy you a choc ice. Even better if it has “Air Force One” written down the side.

Asda are now stocking size zero clothing. Having shopped in there a lot (and Caz I don’t mean you), I cannot quite work out how in hell any of their customers are going to be able to fit them on. All those overweight chubby council estate mums shouting “Oi Chantelle stop fucking doing that” and lighting up another Windsor Blue.

The Victoria and Albert museum, one of the more staid and sophisticated institutions in London has decided to launch a new exhibit. Kylie, the history of. If you go and have a good look around the Science Museum or Natural History Museum you will see it is aimed at children and adults starting at zero. Having taken an ex girlfriend to the Natural History museum (one with an environmental science degree) she was understandably disappointed at the lower level of the information given, as was I, but we did see that it was a bit below us as a target audience. The Victoria and Albert however was much more on par with my way of thinking and contains so real historical artifacts. No offence to the Aussie pop munchkin but it is simply not the place to have a “pop culture” exhibit mixing it with 18th century works of art and the history of the British Empire. What next.? The Tate Modern presents the work of Basil Brush.!?!

A big well done to the 29 year old child sex abuser for staying in a US school for FOUR MONTHS dressed as a 12 year old. I know it was a wrong thing really but everyone I have discussed that with was justifiably impressed.! Does say something about the gullibility of the American teachers (Ooooh two anti-American topics in one blog so far).!

Right we shall call it done there I think… photos soon… if you are good.!!! Bye All.