Allow me to get all Ali Bongo on your backsides and insist on conjouring something up for you, in this case, a mental image…

Picture in your mind that you are at a fairground. You have been on the dodgems and scared the hell out of two lippy seven year olds. Your ride on the waltzers was good but marred by the person in the next car spraying you with vomit like some kind of bile sprinkler. Then you head for the coconut shy. The place is run by the pikiest gypos that you have ever seen. Inbred, bucktoothed, rednecked and possibly slightly retarded too. They have quite obviously nailed all the coconuts to the stands so no matter how many balls you throw at the hairy skinned fruit they are not going to move even a millimetre. Now imagine you have endless amounts of money and resources and keep paying for ball after ball to lob down that shy despite every one of your friends, apart from a foreign exchange student who copies your every move but doesn’t have as much cash on him, telling you it is a bad idea and that you shouldn’t have started throwing the balls in the first place.

This is George W Bush’s way of sorting out Iraq.

Throw enough balls at a coconut and win a goldfish. Or more accurately throw in 20,000 more gullible Mid West Americans and keep your fingers tightly crossed while your mate Tony over the water worries about throwing his balls or not.

Thunkyewverymuch.

*****LATE NEWS*****

A quick thing that has just plopped onto my lap, well desktop, is the new Iphone from Apple a supposedly revolutionary mobile phone from the other side of the Atlantic.

Errrr revolutionary how…???

Oh must be the very large colour screen, nope, already on the Nokia N95 and a lot of high end Sharp phones. How about the touch screen entry system with a total lack of keypad, nope, Already usable on most P series Sony Ericssons. I know, must be the 2mp camera, nope, new phones now all have auto focus, flash enabled FIVE megapixel cameras. Ah how about proper 3G connectivity, nope, not even on the damn thing (no 3G/WCDMA connectivity what so ever). What about the large capacity (2 to 8Gb), errr nope again, Nokia N91 has had that for ages and most phones that can take a memory card nowadays can be boosted to 4Gb or more easily. Ok, last gasp effort, MUST be a video phone right.? Nope, wrong once more. Single camera and no 3G instantly rules it out of anything like that.

So what the hell is it.? Well, it’s a middle of the road, reasonable phone that someone has sellotaped an Ipod Nano to. Of course you will HAVE to use Apple iTunes to be able to interact with it between your Imac and your Iphone. It is almost like they are trying to take over the bloody world with their horribly restrictive mp3 devices and now a sodding mobile.

So join me with a nice big ignoration of Apple. Ditto with Microsoft of course. Sadly I am currently stuck using Windows but then again so is the rest of the damn world so other than that…. fuck ‘em. Oh Microsoft are running third party mp3 player manufacturers through a scheme called “play for all” or something like that. That means that your mp3 player will unwittingly be restricted to only talking to your computer through the CPU hungry Media Player. So when I update mine I shall be VERY careful to avoid anything that may have the taint of Bill Gates’s ringpiece anywhere near it.

Fuck off you bloody Americans. Not only does Bush think he can control the entire world with gun boat diplomacy but your tacky, badly made, horrible looking phones and mp3 players are now swamping our nation with an advertising craze that makes me want to throw up. A lot. On your tongue.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 12th, 2007 at 7:18 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.