For those of you who know me you will not be surprised to know I am not happy talking about reality television shows. I feel, however, that the events of the past week or so have pushed me into mentioning the dreaded Big Brother house mates.

First off I am not about to go on about Jade Goody, although people who keep saying “her career is over” make me wonder what in the name of hell they are talking about. She has no career, she is famous simply for appearing as a loud mouthed, small minded gobshite on a low budget TV programme. Nor will I go off on one questioning the usefulness to this world of an ex-S Club 7 “star” or a model who dates a footballer (yawn, predictable but hehehehe, not anymore).

The thing I am most concerned about is how the country, nay, the entire WORLD will react to seeing the UK as a huge big pit of racism (wow homosexuality AND racism in two nights on the blog, shocking). For instance, with Big Brother still running, we now being lost up the ducks arse that is Shipwrecked and an 18 year old that wants the slave trade back (I totally agree, although not with ethnic cultures, just prisoners with frontal lobotomies). And now, the world will bite us at every opportunity because all those darkies are stealing our jobs (my words, no one elses).

Should Big Brother be dragged off the air.? Well I would take great delight in watching them detonate the BB house, even more so if EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has ever been in the damn place would go up in flames with it. Also the extra joy of being served fast food by a collective line up of Dermot O’Leary, Davina Macall, Aled from the Chris “If you are the saviour of Radio One then nail yourself to a cross you arrogant, unfunny arse biscuit” Moyles show (along with Gareth G.G.G.G.Gates, Michelle McManus and David Sneddon) would leave me almost moist with amusement. Trouble is, all this publicity (and remember, ANY publicity is good when it gets people watching the damn thing) has pushed the ratings up (and they also have 40Ks worth of addresses to send spam to I suppose) and people will be itching to watch another series of “Let’s Pick On The Asian/Lezzer/Disabled person/Black dude”. BB should have been treated like Cliff Richard.

Pulled off long ago.

Something else has been bothering me today. Mr Bush. Again. Ah that darling of the Western civilisation, purveyor of fine pretzels *coughchokecoughhackcough* and writer of the book “My Dad Couldn’t But Me and Forty Thousand Troops Could”. He has announced that the USA should be less reliant on oil. Hmmmmmm. *Rubs chin thoughtfully*.

Since the year dot, the Americans have built a certain type of car, quite simply put it has four wheels and an engine the size of your shed. Most aeroplanes have less horse power than the average yank tank and they drink fuel like you wouldn’t believe.! UK family cars around Mondeo/Vectra size average about 35 to 40 miles per gallon of “gas”, but over the pond (don’t dip your toes in the water by the way, it is full of nappies and motorbikes) a Buick Lucerne (only a V6 not a thumpingly thirsty V8 monster) will average about 22.! Not surprising considering the V6 is still almost a four litre engine where as the figures I gave for the Mondeo are only a 1.8 litre in line four cylinder.

I am not convinced that climate change is all that has pushed Bushy into this though. Consider the facts… the Americans, and indeed us, are getting a thorough kicking in Iraq, Iran is waving a large glow in the dark flag in the air and shouting “look at my luverly nukes” and Russia is looking at us through rose tinted specs and saying “ah the cold war, lets do it all over again”. If those oil fields in Texas don’t keep the USA running (along with their HUGE strategic oil reserves) then they have to rely on overseas oil, SPECIFICALLY from the Persian Gulf countries to keep on truckin’. If they get thwacked out of Iraq and insurgents take over then that oil will be lost to the USA for a very long time.

So tempering the use of black gold to power your Hummer may be a thing to remember in the not so distant future, Mr American. Better get out that horse and cart and start walking mate.!

Oh I know I am going to let myself in for a LOT of grief on this one but sooner or later I have to let it out.

Gay couples adopting children… good or bad.?

Want my opinion.? Well tough, it is my website after all so here goes…

I am not homophobic, let me say that before we go anywhere. I have no problem with gay people be they female or male, nor do I have any worries about standing next to a gay man in a club whilst taking a slash, if he has a reason to have a look then I couldn’t give a toss. On the subject of gay marriage then what ever governs your motor, pal. You wanting to shack up with another man is fine, I just personally couldn’t cope with all that ironing.!

But (There is always a but isn’t there.?).

When it comes to the life of a child growing up with two men or two women then I have a problem. It is like people who pierce their childs ears when they are aged one. It doesn’t seem like a very fair situation and, dare I say it, it is unnatural. Now for goodness sake don’t go off on one at me about “humans not being the only form of life on earth that doesn’t do the homo-love thang” because I know. I have seen the film, watched the Ricky Gervais animal video and I am clever enough to see stuff with my own eyes. In nature there is an amount of homosexuality, which is fair enough, although it should be pointed out that in certain lower form species it is purely based around confusion rather than “doing it for the fun of it”. The thing is, out there in the great outdoors, there are no adoption agencies, there are no groups to help your average gay Kangeroo couple find a child to love as their own.

On this earth we are designed for a reason, god knows why (not that there is one), but we are here to live, continue our race and that’s about it. Call me a traditional old fool (audience – you are a fool) but I think a child should be brought up with both a male and a female parent, yes both of them, a necessary degree of discipline (especially involving the word NO used frequently) and that is where the whole “gay adoption” thing falls down.

By all means do what you want in this world, get married, grow old together, whether man and woman, man and man, woman and woman or even if you are in love with a goat from Newcastle. But, if you do start out in a same sex relationship, please don’t expect kids. You aren’t meant to have them, nature doesn’t equip you to do so.

But then again… from a moralistic view is it so bad that a child who has no family can be taken into a loving relationship and helped along despite the same sex parents. Well not at all… but this is purely meant to be a look at the natural forces of man and beast and not the moral value “look at the world through their eyes” side. This is all my own opinion and I am sure you have your’s… so tell me what you think.

Sorry.!

A couple of you might know how my blog will start today. For that I am sorry to have spoiled the surprise but it was nice to gauge an opinion before i wrote it.!

What would I do if my knob fell off.?

Slightly odd train of thought there but valid I feel. You see, when I was at work the other day, in the loo, I shook off the drips and in putting said member back into my trews I had this sudden worrying wonderance of “What if I zipped up, turned around and felt my cock drop off, roll down my leg and onto the floor.?” I am sure I simply cannot be the only person that has ever thought about this. Just worried me to think of looking down at the floor and seeing my detached willie looking back up at me, while i bleed a little down my legs.

Maybe I eat too much cheese, because something is affecting my brain when I start having a thought like that.!

Bizarre… Any who… onto last night…

Had a slightly bizarre but truly great night with a smaller than usual group in a quieter than usual Hobbits. Stew went home early so I entertained Pouty (who showed me a photo of myself at DownLoad, topless, covering my nips with my paws. A photo I simply do not remember being taken).! I was accosted by two people and had to hide a little. Angel turned up in a short frilly skirt which, although very nice, did look a little too cold for the weather last night.! Even I was shivering in three tops and the usual huge pair of CD trousers.

Had a good dance to the usual songs and eventually got taxi’ed home. Keep your eyes open for that photo of Pouty’s, I have been told it will appear on my myspace, for that I am sorry.! As may one of a hat dans le Bunny sat outside the Snickers stage tent at the same sort of time (I would be able to work out which day the nipples one was taken on but Pouty for some reason doesn’t know how to work her own camera and every photo EVER taken on that camera shows the date as August 2005, hehe).

Right I am off for a bath and maybe a little more WoW (Nordrissal server, Elementas is I, remember). Enjoy your Sunday evening pizza…. oh no… that’s me.! Oh and….

Oi…. Fuck off. You’re not my girlfriend.!

Today the cover of the Bulletin Of The Atomic Scientists (BAS) depicted the Doomsday clock at 23.55, ie five minutes to midnight. When the clock hits midnight, in theory, it foretells the end of civilisation.

First started in 1947 after World War Two, the clock shows how close the world is to total shutdown, extermination of human life, the end of society. It has never been put higher than 23.58 during a period of nuclear bomb detonation testing by both America and Russia as part of the cold war (1953) and was put at 23.53 after the supposed 9/11 attacks.

But it is certainly not all about nuclear superpower and the so called “nuclear winter” that would cause the death of man, it is also about climate change and global warming. There are not that many things that make me worry about the earth and the safety of friends and relatives, but the idea that our lovely little world could turn into one big maelstrom of horror does scare me a little. Let’s face it, I live on a flood plain just a couple of feet above sea level. If we were hit by the same kind of tsunami that hit Asia a couple of years ago, my part of the country would be inundated to, well, almost Bristol.!

Apparently we can all make a difference, maybe we can, maybe we can’t but at a higher level the only people that can actually do anything to resist this messed up, unnatural effect on the earth is heads of state, Presidents, Prime Ministers, Kings and Queens… Recently when people were being advised to avoid taking unnecessary flights and to travel by land or sea instead Mr Blair alledgedly said this “A personal sacrifice is pointless, sooner or later we will solve this problem with science”.

What.!? Don’t worry about recycling or anything like that because some boffin in a lab will invent a chemical compound that will somehow save our bacon. Truly an irresponsible statement.

Then again, as I have stated before, do any of us actually care about what might happen 50 years down the road… will we survive that long without some mass epidemic ridding the cities of us or a terrorist flings a missile across a continent and a nuclear enchange results.? During the Cuban Missile Crisis the world was LITERALLY on the brink of nuclear war, to the point where just ONE overflight by an observed aircraft that could possibly carry nuclear weapons would have resulted in a red button being pushed and Armageddon kicking off. Interesting fact, if that had in fact happened then a city like London would have lost 97% of it’s population. So in one strike around 7.5 million people would have been wiped off the face of the earth.

Time for the world leaders to start putting their own asses on the line and talking straight… the USA signing up to the Kyoto agreement, developing nations like China and North Korea reducing their heavy oil and coal fired power stations and massively polluting industry and taking up European standards. It would shove prices for pretty much everything totally up the wall but then again, is that a small price to pay for the survival of the human race. The dinosaurs died out because of one natural disaster and the worst thing they ever did was eat vegetation and break wind a lot. Mankind has raped this planet to within an inch of it’s life (see Red Dwarf book “The Last Human”) and maybe now it is time to take stock, look at changes we can make, back down over nuclear arms reduction talks and let peace prevail.

Otherwise it is curtains for us all.

Arse, I am ill AGAIN. Glands swollen (Oi. Stop that. GLANDS not glans). Neck aches. Back aches. Everything aches. But I can’t have time off work because everyone else has the same thing and I refuse to let a little coldy thing beat me where the women are dropping like flies (man flu indeed, PAH).!

Where shall we go today then… Well I could go off on a rant about the C”unt”cil ordering sets of temporary traffic lights on two of the “not quite so busy” roads out of town AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME.! Fuck Meisters the lot of them. But I don’t think I will.

I will extoll the virtues of taking the piss out of twatty little retards in bad cars though… In this case the manky looking fucktard in a budget model Mk3 Fiesta who had applied £20 worth of reinforced plastic to the lower half of his one litre motor vehicle and tied a bean can to the exhaust. This little genius had somehow recreated, through the medium of vacuum moulded acrylic, a low budget Vauxhall Nova.! Now that is classy.! Take a shit car and turn it into a shit car that sounds like someone has poured gravel into the fuel tank. Respect.!

I apologise if anyone heard me singing “You are the perfect shrub, the perfect shrub” to NIN’s Perfect Drug, the weekend before last. I also apologise to Pouty who was then asked “How is your bush.?” as part and parcel of a night out with Fluffy Bunny and several drinks.

As for the weekend just gone, should I enlighten you all with one of my “imagination runs totally Tonto” blogs.??? Ok then (well I did enjoy the last one soooo much).!

Well Saturday began in Dominion, without Hwang, who had been detained by the FBI under the “prevention of tourism” act. His trousers were being held and interrogated by Anti-Terrorist Police and a controlled explosion was carried out on his pants, which turned out to be empty. We were joined (myself and Lemony) by an old friend, Doc Robbins, the world’s only Camel gynacologist (one hump or two). He had thankfully removed his extra long gloves to come back to town for a drink (and that drink lasted almost seven hours). Lemony was adorned in her new wig, a spare one of William Shatner’s which still retained a hint of Star Trek (some of the sprinkled ashes of Scotty were caught in the weave). I had arrived sporting an enormous pair of granny knickers which were pre-soiled by a Mrs Edna Fannytash of Chipping Sodbury.

After a quick drink each (two cups of tea and a pint of Fisherman’s Piss (not a real ale, just a pint of Fisherman’s Piss)) we hailed a passing horse and cart and were whipped soundly by a coachman as we travelled to the frighteningly chilly Phoenix. So cold in fact that a polar bear was sighted on the dance floor, shivering and moaning it was “a touch nippy in ‘ere”. Accompanying us soon after our arrival was Pouty and Stew (both having swapped clothes during a sex session on the dance floor of the function room, leaving Stew picking thong out of his arse for the rest of the night and Pouty swinging free in Stew’s boxers) closely followed by Angel and Chris. Angel had brought along her entire family including several dead relatives and a small statuette of her great grandmother, Hitler. Chris was just Chris, except for that slightly odd smell of opium and the tattoo of Cheri Blair on his right cheek.

Two (b)latent homosexuals turned up close to ten o’clock, David and Mr Slade, riding a pink pony with braided hair and gold cheek guards. No felching was performed on the pony but dubious noises were later heard in the toilets of Hobbits (”sluurrrrp, NEEEIIGGGHHHH, cough”).

Hobbits beckoned soon enough and Brownie carried us all on her back through the smells of Dolphin Square and past the bizarre tree house where she lived through out her childhood, eating nothing but Golden Grahams and shouting “Mooonnkkeeyyy” repeatedly via a megaphone (happy days apparently).

Ye Olde Hobbits was celebrating it’s 450th birthday last weekend so naturally costumes had been arranged and donned as soon as we entered the door. I quickly slipped into Queen Elizabeth (who wasn’t overly impressed but took it well) while Lemony climbed into the rotting carcass of Sir Walter Raleigh and hired a large Spanish galleon to sail around the dance floor firing cannon balls at all the little emo kids.

Mark presented himself as Henry the Eighth and chopped the heads off of several ladies before he was restrained by the bouncers and the video posted on youtube.com for all to see. Towards the end of the night James and Dan were clapped into the stocks and a large supply of foetid veggies were hurled at them purely for the amusement value. James soiled himself in such a fashion as to provoke Katie (who’s birthday it was) to wander around the club shouting “bring out your dead”.

As a finale everyone joined in a round of singing “God Save The Queen” before executing Pete for playing Chop Suey every weekend for the past God know’s how long.

And there we shall end. And kids… don’t have nightmares.

*****LATE NEWS*****

Forgot to mention… Underground train… two graffiti vandals. Deadness. Hehehehehehehehe. Well done boys. You got EXACTLY what you should have done. 100% good result.

Little formula for you all to remember… Human + 50 tonnes of aluminium + velocity of 45mph = loss of life or severe maiming. Stay off the lines people, it is not clever, not funny for the poor sod of a driver and causes untold mayhem for passengers trying to get to work. If you have so little common sense you do not understand the idea of trains being dangerous then I suggest you go try running off the cliff at Uphill and seeing if you have any aches and pains after you find the ground (150 feet later).

Also, 14 years old and dead “The teenager, from Rhosllanerchrugog, may have been on the railway with a group of youths moments before she was hit” should have known better.

Unlucky. But if she was stupid enough to be on a railway line with a train twelve foot tall and nine foot wide is nearby (well at any time really) then I am glad she can’t pass on her idiotic genes to offspring who might grow up to be just as retarded.

Harsh but fair I think.!

Allow me to get all Ali Bongo on your backsides and insist on conjouring something up for you, in this case, a mental image…

Picture in your mind that you are at a fairground. You have been on the dodgems and scared the hell out of two lippy seven year olds. Your ride on the waltzers was good but marred by the person in the next car spraying you with vomit like some kind of bile sprinkler. Then you head for the coconut shy. The place is run by the pikiest gypos that you have ever seen. Inbred, bucktoothed, rednecked and possibly slightly retarded too. They have quite obviously nailed all the coconuts to the stands so no matter how many balls you throw at the hairy skinned fruit they are not going to move even a millimetre. Now imagine you have endless amounts of money and resources and keep paying for ball after ball to lob down that shy despite every one of your friends, apart from a foreign exchange student who copies your every move but doesn’t have as much cash on him, telling you it is a bad idea and that you shouldn’t have started throwing the balls in the first place.

This is George W Bush’s way of sorting out Iraq.

Throw enough balls at a coconut and win a goldfish. Or more accurately throw in 20,000 more gullible Mid West Americans and keep your fingers tightly crossed while your mate Tony over the water worries about throwing his balls or not.

Thunkyewverymuch.

*****LATE NEWS*****

A quick thing that has just plopped onto my lap, well desktop, is the new Iphone from Apple a supposedly revolutionary mobile phone from the other side of the Atlantic.

Errrr revolutionary how…???

Oh must be the very large colour screen, nope, already on the Nokia N95 and a lot of high end Sharp phones. How about the touch screen entry system with a total lack of keypad, nope, Already usable on most P series Sony Ericssons. I know, must be the 2mp camera, nope, new phones now all have auto focus, flash enabled FIVE megapixel cameras. Ah how about proper 3G connectivity, nope, not even on the damn thing (no 3G/WCDMA connectivity what so ever). What about the large capacity (2 to 8Gb), errr nope again, Nokia N91 has had that for ages and most phones that can take a memory card nowadays can be boosted to 4Gb or more easily. Ok, last gasp effort, MUST be a video phone right.? Nope, wrong once more. Single camera and no 3G instantly rules it out of anything like that.

So what the hell is it.? Well, it’s a middle of the road, reasonable phone that someone has sellotaped an Ipod Nano to. Of course you will HAVE to use Apple iTunes to be able to interact with it between your Imac and your Iphone. It is almost like they are trying to take over the bloody world with their horribly restrictive mp3 devices and now a sodding mobile.

So join me with a nice big ignoration of Apple. Ditto with Microsoft of course. Sadly I am currently stuck using Windows but then again so is the rest of the damn world so other than that…. fuck ‘em. Oh Microsoft are running third party mp3 player manufacturers through a scheme called “play for all” or something like that. That means that your mp3 player will unwittingly be restricted to only talking to your computer through the CPU hungry Media Player. So when I update mine I shall be VERY careful to avoid anything that may have the taint of Bill Gates’s ringpiece anywhere near it.

Fuck off you bloody Americans. Not only does Bush think he can control the entire world with gun boat diplomacy but your tacky, badly made, horrible looking phones and mp3 players are now swamping our nation with an advertising craze that makes me want to throw up. A lot. On your tongue.

What a great weekend.

Friday, quiet and moist but loads of fun.

Saturday daytime was spent with Lemony doing sod all, all day.

Saturday night time was filled with huge amusing fun, including… Karl running around Hwang’s house in a thong and nowt else. Tequila slammers, Mark’s hair in plaits, chavvy, drunk slappers dancing to Taproot around their handbags. HUGE thanks to Hwang for the housey fun before we hit town and also thank you to everyone else who was there putting up with me trying to get them into taxis at the right time to continue drinking in town.

Sunday I hit level 26 on my warlock, Elementas and ate pizza.

Perfect weekend.!!!

*****RANT WARNING*****

Ooooh coach crash rant. Could you possibly imagine THAT was on the cards.?

Now when ONE coach crashes on a greasy road when the tachograph clearly showed the speed as being excessive, why withdraw ten other coaches of the same design.? I don’t get it. People on Radio 2 on Friday were saying how dangerous coaches are and the little buggers actually made me defend road transport.! Now there is something that doesn’t happen often.

Coaches will never be as safe as trains for one important reason. The public. On a railway line the ONLY vehicles running are driven by specially instructed drivers. Any of the unusual errors that occur are rarely due to a lack of training (you don’t want to send out a driver who has never driven a line out with £2.5m worth of rolling stock and 800 lives).! But on the roads coach drivers are PSV trained but still at the mercy of every little retard who managed to suck his or her way through a driving test when letting them drive a car is the WORSE thing they could do.

But in this case, it would appear driver error was indeed to blame. That is certainly not my point though. The fact that each double deck Neoplan Skyliner is tilt tested to 28 degrees with a FULLY laden upper deck and totally empty lower half seems to be neither here nor there.! Some people will tell you something is unsafe no matter what it is. HSE usually say it about stupid things like water.! People were calling for a change in the law to ensure people were FORCED to use their seatbelts on the coaches. Why.???

Why not do this… at the start of a journey just warn people that in the event of a crash then you may die if you don’t wear the belt. Simple as that. If I am in a car crash then I know I will be wearing the damn thing because it stops me flying through the windscreen. If you haven’t got the personal sense of self preservation that will prevent you being carapulted half a mile down the road then I dont particularly give a toss. You died.? How.? Oh lack of seatbelt when one was available.? Unlucky, but well done for having enough common sense to die and make sure that the rest of us who ARE sensible and wear seatbelts can carry on without fear of being knocked over by your high velocity corpse as it comes hurtling out of the front seat of a badly modded Saxo.

Take responsibilty people.? You can’t have a driver knowing when someone undoes their seatbelt two minutes after getting on the coach, so just sort yourselves out.

Ahhhhhhh. That is so much better, been holding it in all weekend.!

In a change to our advertised programme StitchingBastards now presents…

Breasts, The Man’s View.!

As a man myself (for those who hadn’t noticed) I am personally fascinated by those two love bumps. But what is it.? What is it that makes us men (and some women) totally involved with “mammorama”.?

For me it is purely a sense of interest, I haven’t got any obviously so when the opportunity arises it is nice to have a feel and see how the other half live. When you were a kid I bet you always loved playing with someone else’s toys more than your own because they were new and more interesting, well boobs are the same to me now as my mates Millenium Falcon was back in 1985. I have dated women with big boobs, small boobs, funny shaped boobs, one boob bigger than the other and, god forbid it ever happens again, nipples that poke off in varying directions (my word I have dated some weird women) but still my love of all things breasty continues.

What about the nature aspect.? The motherly impact of the knocker must bear some relation to someone’s liking for that body part, but surely even the females amongst us have been breast fed too.? Or is it deeper than that. Do we as men seek out someone motherly for our children, to continue our blood line, and with that the larger boobed females will always show up as being more “versatile” at looking after Fluffy Bunny Junior when it comes to lunch time. Delve further and compare breast size to hip width. “Child giving” hips (perhaps that should read “a fat arse”) should attract more men right.? Maybe, maybe not. But surely bigger boobs pull the boys quicker.? Difficult.

I always favour the bigger boobies, I am a boob man after all. But thinking back through history, most of my girlfriends have been understated in the frontage department so maybe I do look past the lady lumps and head towards personality, sense of humour and ability to get knees up around ears, I certainly like to think I do.

Wish I hadn’t have written this all now…

Feel like a bit of a tit.

(Sorry, ).

Hey up y’all. Have we all recovered from New Year’s Eve then.? I have although I can no longer talk properly and if I try and sing anything above middle C it comes out as a squeak. The kind of squeak you only usually hear when you squeeze a hamster too hard. Anyway on with 2007…

For Christmas I got many lovely presents but one in particular stood out for “educational” reasons. It is entitled “Frozen In Time” and it chronicles Britain’s worst winters in modern times, specifically 1947, 1962/63 and 1978/79. How many of you remember snow in Weston.? When I say snow I don’t mean the light fluffy stuff that appears most years, stays for about two hours and then disappears into the night like a thief. I mean the stuff like in 1981/82 (looking back through family photos brings up an image of a 3 year old Fluffy Bunny in a red waterproof romper suit in foot deep snow in the back garden. I will dig it out and scan it sometime for your entertainment, THAT was real snow).

I like the winter more than the summer, I always have. Much as I like the warm sun and the flowers, smell of cut grass, not shivering between pubs etc etc, it is so much easier to get warm than it is to try and keep cool. But our winters have been getting steadily more and more mild since the industrial revolution in the early 19th century. The last “Frost Fare” on the totally frozen River Thames was in 1814, maybe that is a little of a sign of global warming, who knows, but we have been through many little dips in our weather since records began.

The three periods I mentioned above consisted of incredibly harsh conditions, deaths of hundreds of people, snow drifts up to SIXTY FEET deep (the average semi-detached house is 25 foot tall), frozen rivers, sea ice up to 200 yards from the shore and a massive amount of people lost electricity, gas and telephone connections for weeks, even months, at a time.!

For instance one woman on a farm in Yorkshire saw only her husband and NO ONE ELSE for three months in 1979 from February to May. Sounds like the ideal thing to prevent all that sychronised PMT but hell if you want to chat about Neighbours.!

Apparently in two weeks the temperature in Britain may drop to below -12oC. Will we see a return to hellish conditions and snow lying on the ground for literally 30% of the year.? I would love to personally, I don’t remember 1978/79 as I was, but a wee nipper, but as long as the summer returns for DownLoad 2007 then it is all ok with me.

*****LATE NEWS*****

Alright then. First rant of the year…

Let us start with people owning an illegal, dangerous dog and letting it lie around near kids. Pit bull, check, five year old, check, mauling, check. All done there then. What I don’t understand is the usual lack of responsibility.

“My family realises that our child was killed by a dog known to have a temper. We also knew the dog had a natural trait for being a born attack dog and that the owner was warned by the Police TWICE. But we didn’t mind our child being around it.”

A very bad start to a new year that was totally predictable. If you have an animal that is violent then you don’t tend to introduce it to your kids. If I went out and purchased a huge lioness I would be rather idiotic to take it for a wander any where near a nursery (that is actually more about the Swarfega and rhubarb incident than having a 7 foot long killer on a lead with me). Ditto if I bought an electric eel, it would be ill advised for me to introduce it to the local swimming pool during an afternoon session.

Honestly. Some people.!

On another matter, rail fares. Gone up again then people.? Quel surprise. There is actually a special equation that they use in all the workings out of “how much to rip our passengers off”. This is it…

“badly needed extra, LONGER trains” + “lower fares” = “more people using our trains” + “more money for fuel, cleaners and access charges” therefore “pissing all the money away on overpaid fat cat bosses, stock holder dividends and constant rebranding” + “hiking up fares at every possible opportunity” = “less of those annoying common folk on our overcrowded routes” + “no penalty fines from Government” + “more money for director to spend on dirty weekends away for their wives secretaries”

Oi, Blair you total waste of public money (and DNA actually), renationalise the railways. You KNOW you can do it without having to pay companies huge amounts of buy back money, purely by not extending or renewing operating contracts, you have done it twice already to my knowledge and already the services are better. If you honestly think that allowing a company such as First the ability to run a rail contract then you are catastrophically more repugnant and ridiculous than I ever believed you were.

Sort it out.

Oh and while I am on the ranting “train”…

Reggie Yates, Fern Cotton, Edith Bowman, all in one place at the same time on the TOTP Christmas edition and NO ONE set off a large nail bomb.??? I am disgusted. Could have improved my weekend mornings so easily. Bloody terrorists, never around when they are needed.

Dammit, that leads me into another thing, no, TWO…

Firstly Christmas number one. Oh for fuck sake. X Factor, she will be working in fast food in a few months time, pointless, untalented, ugly bint, I hope all who bought that god awful single get Pitbull’s pushed through their letter boxes very soon.

Secondly. Moyles is away (I thought the ego aura around the country had moved slightly), so the show is in the hands of Nihal. Errrr who.?? That isn’t a name. Same as Lemar isn’t either. It would appear he is Asian. Ok, no problem there, but he is about as good a DJ as double decadence pizza is a diet food.! As an example his playlist for the “urban music show” he also presents lists a lot of underground music but includes Nelly Furtado. Unlucky.

Ok enough for now.!!!

And so 2006 fades into a dim and distant grey light and becomes last year…

“What were the high points and low points, Mr Bunny.?” I hear you ask…

Well it hasn’t been a good year. My ex cheated on me so ruining the £400 trip away for Valentine’s Day. What REALLY pissed me off was the state of the guy who she left me for. Ewwwwwwwww.!!! Like a human version of a sprig of parsley. I have had the most time off from work EVER this year thanks to glandular fever during the summer, which totally fucked over my birthday and will remain with me for years to come and Tony Blair remained alive… but…

Download 2006 was fantastic, to the point where I am already planning stuff in my head in preparation for 2007’s event. I have made a LOT of new friends and strengthened my ties with people I already know. I have been in an “on again, off again” with Lemony which is now on again. Permanantly. She also looked after me when I was ill and I can’t thank her enough for that, taking me to the doctors and things like that. Lemony I love you looooads.! I got playing World of Warcraft and am now thoroughly addicted, hehe. Bought a new phone which is better than yours. Of course. Ate THE BEST ever chicken korai in London. Got two piercings that make me look even more lovely hehe.

In the outside world , Michael Schumacher retired from F1 finally, so no more Germanic smugness. Saddam Hussein went for a trip on a gallows. The Now Show entertained me more than ever and Matt Neal won the BTCC for the second time in two years.! Does it get better than that.? I think not.

Best music of 2006, difficult. There have only been two songs that I have been unable to turn off are Coheed and Cambria – The Suffering and Pendulum – Hold Your Colours (thanks Hally for making me love that, and thanks Lemony for making it your song).! The best album might surprise you because I only got hold of it about 4 days ago. It is a compilation album entitled “Nu Soul Vibes” and is one of the best selections of acid jazz, funk and nu-house I have ever heard. Pure genius.

The photos from last night will appear on here in a short while, I have some resizing to do before I post them.

So to Lemony (luff yew), Paul (bestest bro ever), Hwang (the only person I ever need to go clubbing with), Pouty (a goddess with funny hair), Stew (a god with funnier hair), Mikey (a brilliant mate), Harriet (the best listener ever), Kitten (makes me laugh so much), Rich (glad you and Tina are together), Tina (see previous lol), Carly (hope u have the guy you always wanted.!), Dave (comic genius), Nat (drunken insult genius hehe), Sexy Dave (glamrock star), Terri (best hugs whenever needed), Vix (so beautiful), and all those of you I have missed out, have a very lovely New Year and keep reading my blog.!

*****LATE NEWS*****

Ok photo time… here we go.!!!

Us and the new baby (cow).

Guess which one is sober.?

Lemony, leave her boobs alone.!

Your’s truly posing as usual.

Kate’s eyes are welded shut. No surprises.

Two bags of chips made her sober up enough.

Someone needs a shave… Lisa.?

He didn’t hump Hwang, lol.

Hannah camps it up.

The Brothers Grim.

Put your tongue away. Again.!

Such pretty eyes. Her too.!!

So cute the both of ‘em.!

She was sober. Dave was not.

Errrr Hwang… you look almost clever

Oh Joe, blow me.

2006 winners of the gay looking men awards.

Three unwise monkies.

Eyeliner.? On Rich.?? Wow.!

For instance porn… Just add spaff lol.

He kissed me. She didn’t.!

Lemony, what are you doing.??

Awwww such a cute couple.

Kate, you appear to be awake.!

My Hwangical Romance.?

Jarvis Roynon.?

Heheheheh.

Second attempt because she hated the first.

Enjoy.!!!

PS… forgot to mention, I have had over 50 THOUSAND hits on this site this year.! Thanks to all of you that keep reading it, I hope you like a moaning guy in your PC every week.!!!