This is a little rant but also more of a plea to the great unwashed (which, believe me, is far closer to reality than you might think)…

Did you know if you walk into Wilkinsons, Boots, Superdrug, Savers, Tescos… actually any supermarket or chemist and a few clothes shops, they sell a thing called deodrant. They vary in price from a few pence to over £30 a bottle but they all serve the same purpose. They stop the smell of putrid sweat from eminating from your unwashed clothing.

I am sick and tired of walking around my shop floor and having my nostrils assaulted by the smell of a person who has forgotten that other people may have a sense of smell even if they don’t (or don’t care).! Every other day AT THE VERY LEAST, have a bit of a wash. Even if you just run a bar of soap across your arm pits and a flannel around ur nuts, that is at least a start. The other day I was too sickened to actually walk from one end of my counter to the other to help give stuff to customers, so I simply went back into the office and hid from the monstrous guff that was wafting across the counter. It was certainly not the smell of last night’s curry or a badly timed trouser ripper but the scent of someone who last introduced themselves to a bottle of Lynx in 1992 and believe soap to be a luxury item.

You see, it causes people to feel prejudice against you. If for some reason I smelt like the inside of Geoff Capes’s leotard I would be disappointed and hurt if someone I worked with/was friends with/lived with didn’t tell me of that fact.! I don’t wish to wander around reeking of old socks so please tell me.! I hope I don’t, hehe.

You people out there should know who you are. I really do not wish to pick on the elderly because I understand the associated problems of an arthritic hip and a bath with no handles. Then again one of my relations is in a similar situation and I have never noticed any kind of whiff around her other than deodrant.!

And the worst culprits… middle aged single women around 55 years old, patchy beard growing nicely. Whilst heading out for a smoke the other day one of these fantastic creatures wandered past me and left, and I am sorry for being indelicate here, the awful stench of a fanny that hadn’t seen a bar of Dove since the Crimean war.! For a second I HONESTLY thought someone had hidden some prawns about the place somewhere and I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop the smell causing me to vomit.! A two week old tuna sarnie if you will.

So please. Hear my prayer. Have a little wash. It isn’t expensive. It isn’t difficult. Pop those clothes down the laundrette and get Dot to give ‘em a rinse. I will serve you faster and won’t take the piss.

Well, no more than usual.!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 6th, 2006 at 4:27 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.