Well I do apologise for not posting a blog since last Thursday but I have been tired and busy (sometimes at the same time, bizarre) and simply could not be arsed (been doing Lemony a lot too, well you know, have gorgeous girlfriend, will pork) 
.
Surely that means just one thing… all those lovely long rants you all enjoy have been simmering away in the “head of Bunny” for six whole days now. Maturing like a fine wine.! Well yes they have. Would you like to read them.? Well tough, you are anyway.!
*****IT’S RANTING TIME*****
Donald Rumsfeld has stepped down as Defence Secretary in the asshole of the world, sorry I meant America. The guy replacing him is a former CIA chief, Robert Gates (CIA.? Central INTELLIGENCE Agency. Intelligence. The American’s… really.???). Yes, Bob Gates. Any relations called William in the family Bob.? No.? Hope not.! Can you imagine that.??? Having all the military computers in the USA running Windows XP. You are flying along in an F-22 Raptor fighter and suddenly the flight systems blue screen and you pancake into the nearest mountain. Or perhaps driving along in your Seawolf class nuclear submarine, trying desperately to destroy the last remaining Soviet sub capable of destroying half the Eastern seaboard and that bloody paperclip appears and asks “Would you like help with firing that torpedo.?”
Disaster cannot be far round the corner if that was allowed to happen.! Would be hilarious though. Watching AirForce One plummeting towards the Mojave Desert with old Dubya on board while the pilot is frantically attempting to get his credit card out because the controls have stopped responding and a “Your trial period is over, please register to continue flying in the air” message appears on his main screen.
*****NOT OVER YET FOLKS*****
Madonna. Oh how you love it when I mention that name. Flashes of me dressed in the costume with the pointy bra must instantly appear in your heads. You love it really, but to be honest it was a bit tight and I wouldn’t wear it to a Bar Mitzvah. Anywho…
We are all racist, says the aging popper herself. Because we are all (ok, not all but a surprisingly large amount of people it would appear) against her adoption proceeding with the little brown dude. Errr, listen Wrinkly, we aren’t racist. We like kids, well most of us, but we also know just how much dosh you have tucked away in the bank. Fine, help that kid, it is a good thing to do, but for goodness sake give a BIG donation, and I don’t mean a couple of thousand pounds, I mean £30 MILLION or so, to a few of the most impoverished places in Africa. You really do not need all that money. Oh and Bono, I hope you are fucking listening you bog trotting gimp.!
*****AND THEY KEEP COMING*****
Britney Spears. Hehe, almost as bad as hearing the word Madonna I suppose, only younger and more stupid. She is splitting from that Kev blokey and wants custody of the kids (I forget their names but probably called Flatulence and Bizmark), oh but she doesn’t want his money.! Maybe that is because he doesn’t have any. SHE is the reasonably successful (if rather irritating) singer, he is… errrr….. *runs Kevin Federline through Google*, oh a rapper. Is he.? Ah, a little read of Wikipedia shows that he is actually a very bad rapper with as much credibility as the woman in that car loan commercial that wore a green body warmer (the tickets for his gig tonight are being GIVEN away free, with a “convenience charge of $2.25″).
Sorry, drifting off the point here, which is this… They split just two months after the birth of their second child due to “irreconcilable differences”. Now I am sorry, but I am VERY sure that if you have differences that are THAT bad you know a lot earlier than this, early enough to stop having another baby. But no. The usually selfish sterotypical pop star. It disgusts me, it really does. Oh and she ended it now to “allegedly” prevent herself having to pay out a third year of her royalties through her pre-nuptial agreement. Genius. Thinking of the kids then you painted trailer trash reject.?
*****OK LAST ONE*****
Talking of people that make me feel remarkably ill how about the fact that “I’m A Pointless ZZZ List Celebrity, Make Me Eat Faeces” is back AGAIN. Oh good. People wonder why I don’t watch much television anymore.! Apart from Ant ‘N’ Dec being two of the most annoying presenters on TV (when they started out with so much promise back on CBBC), surely there is no need to boost the careers of Myleene (no) Klasse, Linda Booth (TONY BLAIR’S FRIGGIN’ SISTER IN LAW), Faith Brown (thought she was dead.!), Jan (I read the news in 1984) Leeming, David (I am so gay I actually MARRIED Lisa Minelli) Gest, Toby (Thith Ith Children’th BBthC) Anstith an ex-member of Busted (Matt Willis, at least Charlie went on to prove he wasn’t a totally shite head by forming a very reasonable rock band, Fightstar), oh and Jason Donovan (insert some Neighbours joke here, possibly one involving Kylie’s arse and Harold’s cock).
Need I say more. Really.?
Well I think that is enough on the ranting side of things. Maybe I should just leave you all with one thought…
Meatloaf, why did he never record the song “I Will Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Do Scat”.
Load of old poo.!