If I give you all a biscuit could I get away with another rant about Chris Moyles.? No. Bugger. Ok, well maybe I could just put it in ten words.

Pink Floyd. Moyles. Hate. Arrogant. Tosser. Face. Like. Bus. Depot.

Moving on to more normal things…

Someone was writing in the Weston and Worle News earlier, DEFENDING FirstBus.! “Defending?” I hear you cry (quietly in to your evening horlicks probably) yes, because apparently the fault of all their late buses is because of other road users. One day last week a friend of my father’s stood for an hour waiting for a bus that is supposed to run every ten minutes. This morning a sign appeared on the bus stop suggesting the service at that time might be withdrawn. It doesn’t state why though. I can assume it is through lack of passengers although they ARE there, the bus just doesn’t turn up. Retards.

Went out for a curry last night. Watched in amusement as Lisa tasted some of my surprisingly hot jalfrezi and almost cried like a child. Waiter thought it was hilarious too. Was supposed to see Lemony tonight but because of “stuff” she hasn’t appeared. Sigh.

I still feel anti-social and horrible. Not a happy bunny really. Haven’t been for a while. Not sure what it is. Maybe it is something to do with being ill, it did change me physically so why not mentally. Sure feels like it. Not been happy all year really. Although I did come close at DownLoad, maybe it was because I got away from Weston. Maybe I should do that.

Ah Tuesday. Joy. Three days left until the weekend. Bunny will have to be good and wait to get drunk. Oh now you won’t get my title unless you can program in PASCAL and love the Russki’s…

Now where shall I start today…

Ah, Moyles. AGAIN. He managed to create my own personal slice of hell in my stockroom yesterday. “I know,” thought the chubby wastrel “Why don’t I invite Peter Andre and Jordan on to the programme, that Bunny git will hate that.!”. Why indeed.! Just the sound of Jordan’s voice (which to me is very similar to the sound of someone emptying an over full chemical toilet into a swimming pool) makes me want to rip off my own head and push it up my own bottom. Not the best thing to have assaulting my ears on a Monday morning when I haven’t slept very well.! I didn’t actually understand the point of having those two on the air. To be honest I don’t understand the point of them being allowed to breathe air either.! This time around I couldn’t see they were promoting anything. It just seemed to be a load of pointless banter that could easily have been left off the air and replaced by the sound of some Chipmunks being fed into a paper shredder.! Next week perhaps he will bring in Sue Pollard playing the kazoo or John Prescott reading his autobiography “Pies I Have Known”. *Skin Crawling*.!

Sod it, while I am ranting on this subject, can someone please explain to me why in the name of diddly fuck is Radio One allowed to play so much shite.?!?!? Oh never mind, I forget Jo Whiley is still on it going “I love this” everytime she hears three notes in a row. She was fawning over one of her own jingles the other day I am sure.!

Did anyone mention that the mother of that 5 year old who drowned on Brean beach has been awarded an undisclosed sum of compensation from the Council.? Pathetic and disgusting. It is her who should be in prison for neglecting to look after her child in a dangerous environment. You don’t take a kid to a place full of mud, sand dunes, big rocks, dangerous cliffs and deep water (with strong currents and a very quick tide rise) and leave them on their own.! Idiot. YOU are responsible for the safety of your kid. YOU are not a fit mother.

Russia is still strenuously denying knocking off a former spy by turning them into London’s version of Chernobyl. If this is what sushi does to you then I am making sure all my fish is VERY well cooked from now on.! It is rather amusing to think that a country that very recently passed a law ALLOWING assasinations of “enemies of the state” could possibly lie their bottoms off when such a rare type of isotope is found on one of their enemies.! Bizarre.!!!

A certain Mr Blair has not issued a full apology to the slave trade victims (*raises eyebrow*) but has, in fact, expressed deep sorry for “this crime against humanity” occuring. I was wondering if Germany had ever apologised for killing millions of people during the First and Second World Wars. Nope… would appear not, although I did find an apology from a GERMAN NEWSPAPER for posting an article about Auschwitz which featured an advert for a GAS company on the same page.! Now that is a classy arse up.!

And finally tonight, DJ Alan “Fluff” Freeman has passed away aged 79. A man whose legendary voice and catchphrases ruled the airwaves over five decades (right up until 2000) and formed the basis for Mike Smash, Harry Enfield’s amusing DJ persona. It would appear that tonight the radio station up there in heaven (playing NO R’n'B) will be better than ever. Fluff Freeman AND Jon Peel.!!! Question is, will we miss him.???

Not ‘alf.!

Well I might as well start as I mean to go on tonight, so here we go now with a rant from Mr Bunny of Weston…

While I sit here awaiting you to say the words “Oh God he is going to go off on one about Blair and the slave trade isn’t he”, I shall go off on one about Blair and the slave trade…

What stupid, retarded, desperate for popularity driven, egotistical sadist would APOLOGISE for a socio-economoic mistake that was killed off 200 years ago.? Why do thousands (actually I bet it is hundreds because surely not all people of African/Caribbean/Indian descent can be ludicrous money grabbing fools, can they.?) of ethnic minorities feel it is their God given right to have a nation which has changed it’s ways and accepted (well pretty much) other minorites within it’s borders, say sorry for a long ended and forgotten practice. Ok so we had a few people over to cook for us, do a bit of light coal mining etc etc, would they prefer that their forefathers from the Sudan HADN’T been brought over to a REAL country that can support itself and they had grown up in a water less environment, walking miles for a cup of brown liquid once a day.

Ok, I know that isn’t the point, millions were involved, millions died, yada yada yada, but where the hell do we draw the line. As compensation talk (???) is being bandied around (”sorry love, you were a black slave in 1802, let us gold plate your headstone and sprinkle these diamonds on your grave plot”) lets start talking about a little compo for old Bunny here. I have blonde hair so obviously at some point when the Vikings invaded they hurt some long dead ancester of mine. Maybe even murdered/raped/pillaged their village. Where is the monetary comeback there.? Oi, Italy, say sorry for those bloody Romans who pissed Asterix off so much and pay out a gert wad to those thousands of dead Britons that you ramaged over.

People seem to think everyone cares about the past. Yes I care about the people that died in the two World Wars, Falklands War, Iraq, Nottingham etc, but they are all within possible living memory and if I am brutally honest I really couldn’t give a gnats bollock how bad the Napoleonic war, the Crimean, English Civil War, War of the Roses, Battle of Blenhim were.! They are so long ago that I can imagine how bad it would have been but I have no physical bond to the suffering and the dying, the wounded and the fallen. To me it is a little like crying over a bottle of spilt milk twenty three years later. You had no connection with that milk so it can’t hurt you.

So hear this… I am sorry that your great great great great great great grandad was chained up in a ship hundreds of years ago, I am sure it was perfectly terrible and mean and not jolly sporting of us English but to be honest step back and look at yourself. Would you rather be running for your life from street gangs in South Africa, starving to death in the Sudan, being royally kicked around in Zimbabwe or beaten shitless in some rough area in Jamaica.? No you would rather be in the Western world, taking advantage of all it has to offer and realising that maybe the fact that you are here now, reading this on a screen, in a brick built house with a roof over your head and food on the table is some form of apology. I don’t regret the slave trade, it wasn’t my fault, I won’t apologise.

Whitney Houston however, WAS your fault. Say sorry now.!!!

And finally for the moment…

My statistics list for the search terms that bring up my site from google, yahoo, msn etc, shows a few interesting ones this month so far…

Big sweaty fannies – Uh huh, thought so, Hwang. Give it up.
Jan Leeming fuck me til i fart – Now THAT is a new one on me.!
Odd things up my anus – Hehehe, love that.
Faith browns pussy – What.?? She is about 67 years old.!
Naked slags from weston super mare – Half naked, I will give you.
Pizza hut sperm – Do you want that with extra cheese.?
Single bristol girl cunts http – Why the http on the end.??

Bye all.!

Arrrrrgh. Now I know I am repeating myself within a very small time scale. I don’t like repetition (unless it is Shakira repeatedly rubbing her gusset across the bridge of my nose) but I think here it is necessary. Someone hasn’t listened to me and needs to. So Mr “Boss Of Radio One”, open your lug ‘oles, pin back your eyelids and take this all in.

I. Hate. Chris. Moyles.

Something needs to be done about him. The fact his ego has it’s own postcode is slightly worrying. There is surely a limit to how arrogant and self-congratulating you can be and still maintain you are a normal person. The Saviour of Radio One.? Really.? No. The Saviour Of Radio One, was Matthew Bannister. I never thought I would say that but it is true. He fired Gary Davies, DLT, Simon Bates, Bruno Brookes (decent DJ’s in their own right but well behind the times in a way) and brought the younger listeners running back. He employed Mark and Lard and kept John Peel at the right time of day, late evening when his amazing voice would soothe you to sleep against a back drop of The Fall, Undertones and early Pulp sessions.

Now what do I wake up to.? Him and “Comedy” Dave (Comedy.? Are you totally sure that was the word you were looking for) rambling on about how his new home cinema system only works from two speakers instead of all five. I actually look forward to 10am when Jo Whiley takes over (don’t get me started on her.!!!) and I can remove the feeling of dirtiness that I pick up from Moyles’s show.

When I open my eyes in the morning I really don’t want the image of a chubby bearded hot head popping into my mind as my waking thought. I understand why he is on Radio, anyone who watched his Channel Five will have seen him and the shite that dribbles out of his mouth passing for words. What I simply CANNOT understand is why people like him. What do they enjoy in the pointless banter that bounces between him “Comedy” Dave, Rachel, Aled, Carrie and Dom.? Yes DJ’s talking rubbish on air is nothing new but Moyles takes it to a level higher than ever seen before.! Think of all the precursors of Moyles. Chris Evans. Steve Wright. Simon Mayo. All people who had a group of hanger on’s who added to the enjoyment by providing a change of pace to the lead DJ. In Steve Wright’s case he still does, hosting his Radio Two show with a compliment of 5 people at a time.! He doesn’t make me sit at work grinding my teeth and reaching for the nearest sharp employee to wang at the stereo. He is polite to his guests and fellow team members and has a pathological love for entertaining people and playing music. He holds the listener to his love of “being on the radio” in a similar way to how John Peel could make the strangest, most offbeat music prick your ears and make you listen.

THAT is being a good DJ. Not winding the nation up by getting some pointless celebrity to make Tarzan noises. Not driving people to the brink of smashing the living hell out of their £200 micro system purely by opening their mouth (not even Vernon Kaye has that effect on me).!

From a DJ I want to be able to laugh, be entertained, care about what they are discussing. Radio One is, predominantly, a music station, it should feature DJ’s who enjoy music, who find that they can use their privileged position to get other people liking new bands etc. It shouldn’t be a place to air every personal grievance that has ever entered your life. If you want to rant about something that is important only to you then GET A BLOG and do it there. Don’t clutter up the nation’s listening pleasure with stuff that really doesn’t matter to anyone but your spoilt self.

Now on Radio One… NO MORE MOYLES.

Please don’t read too much into this. It is more about me ridding myself of something that eats away it me…

I was looking at your photo the other day. It seems like a lifetime ago. You were a bitch to me but in those photos it was the start, the first time for all things. I had never felt like that before. How on earth did you turn into the monster I left in that car park that day. The photo didn’t seem real. I knew it WAS real because I am in it, holding you but underneath you could remember the problems that were there. And why.? Because you considered yourself to be better than me. Where are you now.? What are you doing.? I don’t care, although everytime I hear Pulp’s “Have You Seen Here Lately”, I think of coming back to your house in the dark, you won’t know the song because you don’t like my music. Meh.

I do think of you but it isn’t a nice thought. Even now it makes me angry. Makes me want to tell you exactly how I feel… Yes, this is the time… I wrote you letters but I have no idea if you read them. This is where I have my say… where I FINALLY get this off of my chest, that clawing feeling when your image hits my mind like a bus through a bun shop window.

So here goes.

I made a mistake. I accused you of something that was heresay. I was stupid and naive and I admit that. What you did, the way that you treated me from then on was horrible. Pathetic. Obscenely hurtful. I didn’t want to lose you but you made it impossible to be with you anyway. You dumped me, so be it. I understood that. But what happened after that was just pure malice, like I was being punished. Like you wanted me to hurt just because you did. My hate started there.

You know what.? Maybe I just had you because I had nothing better. Looking at the photos of you back then I realise just how far I have come. How amazing my girlfriend is now, just on looks alone in comparison to you.!

Yes I am a little bitter still, but the things you said to me and did to me were just totally unfair. I guess karma will even things up if they haven’t already. Knowing my luck you are now massively rich and after a LOT of plastic surgery have become Kiera Knightley. Then again last I heard of you you were still where we left off. No change. I haven’t changed that much… only as a person. I’ve grown. You are just a memory that I try to forget.

Maybe now I will.

‘We need the roads, hospitals and schools fixed’ reads the headline on the Guardian’s website. All about the people of the Congo (dada da da da congo).

Oi, Tony. You see that. The African’s have the exact same problem as we do.! Our schools are fucked because all the parents have a massive lack of discipline so all the teachers get abuse and don’t want to be teachers anymore…

The roads are fucked because local councils love not giving them any more and four forms to be filled out for every fucking pot hole.

and The hospitals are screwed because nurses are paid fuck all, the places are stuffed with middle managers who eat up HUGE salaries but do sod all except get in the way and reduce budgets.

THIS IS A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY.! Us I mean, not the Congo. At least in the photo accompanying the same article the bus was actually moving.!

Makes. Me. So. Angry.!

Thank you to Hwang for the title, chosen in Phoenix on our Friday night out.

Firstly lets get last weekend out of the way…

Bar 4, Phonenix, Hobbits. Hwang drunk as hell, myself drunk as hell, Lemony drunk as hell. Rich and Tina even worse. Stew and Pouty turned up drunk as well and Lisa had to stay sober. Was a good night. Bit weird, but good.

Saturday was more subdued due to the fact I was shattered from the night before and feeling a bit rough. But a very reasonable weekend after all.

Now today. My head hurts. I am weak as a kitten and have no energy. I also have no idea what in hell is going on with my body, I guess I just see where I end up.

Lets have a little moan about something shall we…

Actually, it isn’t a moan. More like a thing I find fun to do. People are always going on about recycling, how it helps the environment, how it saves the world etc etc… but is it just me that gets just a little bit excited by the idea of not recycling.?

I just put a bean can in the bin… *stands back in open mouthed shock* and I don’t care. In fact, I enjoyed the idea that that can will fill in a little bit more of the countries landfill. Maybe I am keeping some dude in a huge tractor with big spiky metal wheels (the tractor not the dude) in a job.! Or perhaps those guys who drive dustcarts get paid by the ton and have to move as much as possilbe to make their wages up for Christmas.

Meh, who cares if the environment is a tiny bit more damaged. Who gives a newspaper shredding toss if I lump page after page of blank paper into the bin at work just because my company doesn’t recycle (think about that. 650 of me doing the same thing 365/366 days a year, that is a LOT of paper, hehe). How would we create more bits of the country if we didn’t use the landfill as reclamation waste. Wales might be smaller than it is now if we didn’t.! When they built the Channel Tunnel, Kent got bigger by about three square miles, ok we ended up joining ourselves to a country that eats bit of amphibians but even so, big engineering feat.

So next time you are hoovering over that green recycling tub with a coke can in your hand, feeling glum… walk back into the kitchen, slap it in the bin on top of those bits of orange peel and that empty fag packet and stand back… fill your lungs with air and shout “Fuck The Planet, Fuck The Hippies, Fuck Our Children.” Enjoy. And thank me later.!

Lastly, for now, Jordan (I always have a wry smile on my face when I think of her) has just launched her new range of underwear. Word of warning, we sell her jewellry at work, if the undies are as badly made, over priced and shitty as the cosmetic tat on offer in a High Street near you then after three minutes of wearing those knickers, the elastic will break, the gusset will droop and they will start to shrink.

She was a crap model, has the brains of a dead newt and can’t even give birth to a healthy child so what credentials does that give her to enjoy the endorsment of some badly made pants.!?

Well I do apologise for not posting a blog since last Thursday but I have been tired and busy (sometimes at the same time, bizarre) and simply could not be arsed (been doing Lemony a lot too, well you know, have gorgeous girlfriend, will pork) .

Surely that means just one thing… all those lovely long rants you all enjoy have been simmering away in the “head of Bunny” for six whole days now. Maturing like a fine wine.! Well yes they have. Would you like to read them.? Well tough, you are anyway.!

*****IT’S RANTING TIME*****

Donald Rumsfeld has stepped down as Defence Secretary in the asshole of the world, sorry I meant America. The guy replacing him is a former CIA chief, Robert Gates (CIA.? Central INTELLIGENCE Agency. Intelligence. The American’s… really.???). Yes, Bob Gates. Any relations called William in the family Bob.? No.? Hope not.! Can you imagine that.??? Having all the military computers in the USA running Windows XP. You are flying along in an F-22 Raptor fighter and suddenly the flight systems blue screen and you pancake into the nearest mountain. Or perhaps driving along in your Seawolf class nuclear submarine, trying desperately to destroy the last remaining Soviet sub capable of destroying half the Eastern seaboard and that bloody paperclip appears and asks “Would you like help with firing that torpedo.?”

Disaster cannot be far round the corner if that was allowed to happen.! Would be hilarious though. Watching AirForce One plummeting towards the Mojave Desert with old Dubya on board while the pilot is frantically attempting to get his credit card out because the controls have stopped responding and a “Your trial period is over, please register to continue flying in the air” message appears on his main screen.

*****NOT OVER YET FOLKS*****

Madonna. Oh how you love it when I mention that name. Flashes of me dressed in the costume with the pointy bra must instantly appear in your heads. You love it really, but to be honest it was a bit tight and I wouldn’t wear it to a Bar Mitzvah. Anywho…

We are all racist, says the aging popper herself. Because we are all (ok, not all but a surprisingly large amount of people it would appear) against her adoption proceeding with the little brown dude. Errr, listen Wrinkly, we aren’t racist. We like kids, well most of us, but we also know just how much dosh you have tucked away in the bank. Fine, help that kid, it is a good thing to do, but for goodness sake give a BIG donation, and I don’t mean a couple of thousand pounds, I mean £30 MILLION or so, to a few of the most impoverished places in Africa. You really do not need all that money. Oh and Bono, I hope you are fucking listening you bog trotting gimp.!

*****AND THEY KEEP COMING*****

Britney Spears. Hehe, almost as bad as hearing the word Madonna I suppose, only younger and more stupid. She is splitting from that Kev blokey and wants custody of the kids (I forget their names but probably called Flatulence and Bizmark), oh but she doesn’t want his money.! Maybe that is because he doesn’t have any. SHE is the reasonably successful (if rather irritating) singer, he is… errrr….. *runs Kevin Federline through Google*, oh a rapper. Is he.? Ah, a little read of Wikipedia shows that he is actually a very bad rapper with as much credibility as the woman in that car loan commercial that wore a green body warmer (the tickets for his gig tonight are being GIVEN away free, with a “convenience charge of $2.25″).
Sorry, drifting off the point here, which is this… They split just two months after the birth of their second child due to “irreconcilable differences”. Now I am sorry, but I am VERY sure that if you have differences that are THAT bad you know a lot earlier than this, early enough to stop having another baby. But no. The usually selfish sterotypical pop star. It disgusts me, it really does. Oh and she ended it now to “allegedly” prevent herself having to pay out a third year of her royalties through her pre-nuptial agreement. Genius. Thinking of the kids then you painted trailer trash reject.?

*****OK LAST ONE*****

Talking of people that make me feel remarkably ill how about the fact that “I’m A Pointless ZZZ List Celebrity, Make Me Eat Faeces” is back AGAIN. Oh good. People wonder why I don’t watch much television anymore.! Apart from Ant ‘N’ Dec being two of the most annoying presenters on TV (when they started out with so much promise back on CBBC), surely there is no need to boost the careers of Myleene (no) Klasse, Linda Booth (TONY BLAIR’S FRIGGIN’ SISTER IN LAW), Faith Brown (thought she was dead.!), Jan (I read the news in 1984) Leeming, David (I am so gay I actually MARRIED Lisa Minelli) Gest, Toby (Thith Ith Children’th BBthC) Anstith an ex-member of Busted (Matt Willis, at least Charlie went on to prove he wasn’t a totally shite head by forming a very reasonable rock band, Fightstar), oh and Jason Donovan (insert some Neighbours joke here, possibly one involving Kylie’s arse and Harold’s cock).

Need I say more. Really.?

Well I think that is enough on the ranting side of things. Maybe I should just leave you all with one thought…

Meatloaf, why did he never record the song “I Will Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Do Scat”.

Load of old poo.!

Ok you have probably seen all the Halloween Hobbits Tuesday night photos on my bulletin last night, but just in case you didn’t here we go (I am sorry for the funny captions… no I am not, lol)…

Brem decided that he wanted to pig out

The stress of the wedding plans left Brownie with alopecia

David shouldn’t put his eye liner on when drunk and wet.

Dave, have you eaten Nat.? Not like that…!

You looking at my pint.? Oh just me bird, ok then.

Nurse…. *fart* Nuuuurse *bigger fart* NUUUUURSE.!!! *Muffled Explosion*

What on earth is Harriet doing in that photo.???

Didn’t I see you on Eurovision.?

Hypothermia set in quickly at the church.

Marie travels back in time to Bedrock.

Zulus. Thousands of them.

The trouble he had getting a bus into town.!

Err Dan, do you have the horn.?

Shave me. Blow me. Thank you.

When he looks like this then he must be drunk.

Myspace poses a plenty.

Meeeowwww arraarrrr eeooooowwwww.

You touching ma pussy.?

Someone needs a goblin.?

Nice head… need more.? GEMMMAAAAAA.?

Words cannot express.!

Emma, I left out the tit shot lol.

You Nora Batty.?

BOOOO.!

Zombody order a pizza.?

Im blue daboo de daboo daoow.!

*Ian runs at the sight of the veil*

Ah chop chop flied lice etc

Err Mark, where is your costume.?

I know it says Mervkiss, but I meant mervcrow.!

Oh dear.

Brokenback Mountain 2.?

You are indeed, poison.

Ooooh ‘ark at ‘er.!

*boob joke omitted*

KGB warranty card please.!

Sliced or unsliced loaf my love.?

That is NOT me on the left.

Oooooh look over there.!!! Boobies!

Terri, you got PMT.?