What a weekend. Friday night was bizarre and fun, Saturday was good good good and Saturday night rocked.
Due to late people (oooh I wonder whooooo, hehe) on Friday we were a bit slow getting into town but things soon picked up when we got a seat upstairs in Bar4 and people started noticing my nail varnish matched not only my lighter but also the seating and decor as well.!! Hwang was proud of the well polished knob he had come out with (don’t ask). Truly odd but you know how I love the attention.! Balcony was crowded because Pete didn’t have upstairs open. Brownie and Lemony noticed a truly HUGE woman and nicknamed her Lola. I am currently awaiting the writ from said chassis manufacturer of the same name. Phoenix was truly odd because the balcony was under 6 inches of water… SOMEONE was actually daft enough to venture out there and ended up getting locked out by Barman Dan. Wet shoes anyone.??? Hobbits was more busy than I expected and we had a good dancy and stuff as usual. Jake turned up wearing a dress, which was weird but he did have nice tits and no bra on so fairy muff…
Then Saturday morning we woke up (note to self, to preserve MY side of duvet, use nails to prevent it being yanked off onto other side of bed. Lemony is only 5 foot 4 and in no way big built so does not require the use of one ENTIRE double duvet).! I cooked a set of bacon sarnies that would make you shit your pants. They were soooo tasty. We did indeed, lick the pig.
Then we headed to The Mall (after convincing Lemony to ge her ass out of bed Grrrrr). 
. Eventually found somewhere to park and I brought my new phone (I won’t dwell on these things but my phone now makes all of your’s like like you are trying to send texts and make calls on a betamax video recorder. Not only is it the sex it also now contains Lemmings and the proper full screen version of Arkanoid (and Tetris)).
Nat and Dave joined us and Nat did a little shopping. She found a tartan mini skirt in H&M that, when she tried it on over her jeans, made her look like Scottish builder (it worked perfectly on black trousers btw). She didn’t find it funny for some reason but Lemony and Dave did… weird.!
Last night started in Dominion (go on, hands up who couldn’t see that coming! No no, keep ‘em up I want to count them).! James had a party at the Royal so we dropped in there and Nat did her singing thing. Very well indeed despite her very public admission of drunkenness. While she was singing Zombie I had Lemony in stitches by doing the best Irish accent I ever have and adding in Ian Paisley/Jerry Adams at regular intervals to the song like a voice over.
Phoenix had dried out but was still windy as hell so we drank inside and I put eyeliner on a lot of men. They wouldn’t play The Hoff (sadness, but thank you to Stewart for trying)…
Hobbits, however, did.!!! They FUCKING DID.!!! The looks on peoples faces as Stew, Steph, Myself, Lemony, Alan, my bro, Stacey and a couple of other people took to the dance floor to “Jump In My Car” was a sight to behold. Cue lots of bad dancing and Baywatch impressions (and Devon wasn’t anywhere to be seen).!
So a good night was had by all. Pouty appeared in my photos with more pout than ever before.! I took waaaaaay too many myspace style photos (look HERE for examples there of, on her comments area). She had more pout than the back of a TomTom (suckers that attach them to windscreens if you fail to see my logic there). Jim was sober and spent time playing on his phone instead of being Jim, lol. We waited for our very late taxi and eventually dived back inside to join Steph in a rave to Pendulum as usual.
Twas a marvellous time.
Only 12 weeks to Christmas btw.
Oh and don’t forget to order your Tickle Me Elmo Extreme now. They will be in a very short supply I guarrantee.!
So what have I done today… four main things.
1, Rewrote Tolstoy’s War and Peace, inserting a sex scene and creating a new character who doesn’t speak but bangs his head repeatedly in a form of morse code.
2, Dug up the long forgotten relic of the Roman Empire. Specifically Caligula’s microwave oven (it was a Cookworks one, stingy bastard).
3, Taught three hundred Politicians the difference between right and wrong by shooting each one through the face twice and pushing them into a ravine. In Poland.
and
4, Invented a new type of nuclear fuel that doesn’t require any processing to make it safe and tastes just like Playdoh.
Not much really.!
*****IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT*****
The following is a letter I have composed and sent to a certain food company…
“Dear Sir or Madam:
I am writing to you regarding your product “Meaty Meatballs in Gorgeous Gravy”.
On Tuesday the 3rd of October I purchased a can of said meatballs from a local shop (Londis) and, as you may imagine, was looking forward to the divine taste of gravy and balls in harmony with each other to accompany my lunch. Picture, if you will, the look of horror and amazement as I opened the can and emptied the contents into a bowl for cooking… and found an entire can of “gorgeous gravy” but not a SINGLE meaty meatball whatsoever!
Now I am sure this is just a problem with a pipe somewhere in your processing plant and I understand that these things do happen but I wondered if there was anything you could do to cheer up a poor young man, devoid of meatballs but frothing over with gorgeous gravy? I have never had a problem with your products in the past and will continue to purchase them but admittedly with slight apprehension about whether I will be tucking into a tasty meaty snack…. Or just enjoying a plate of dry balls!
Yours Sincerely,
Fluffy Bunny”
I think you can all see the decisive strength of my letter and hope a state of war will not break out between myself and the Government of Germany Campbell’s Foods.
