Ok actually you don’t dear reader because you are here… about to embark on another one of those wit filled adventures that you KNOW you are bound to have when you come here. Maybe it will be a rant about something important to you. Perhaps a photo blog of a Friday night where someone was VERY sick all at once through heavy drinking and the sound system floated through the door of Hobbits on a wave of mushroom filled vomit.!

You all know why you come here… is it because you secretly get off on nosing into someone else’s thoughts. I bet it isn’t. I would put money on the reason being purely because you cannot get enough of the tripe that I type.! You like a good laugh, who doesn’t. So you wander in here a couple of times a day just to see if I have unzipped the fly of my mind and spurted the countless nonsenseical thoughts in the form of a blog onto your computer just for you.

Going back to the vomit thing, imagine if that DID happen. Paul the DJ stranded in his little box as the tide of spew laps around the steps. Marooned goths in the VIG area above the dance floor frantically waving in a coastguard rescue chopper. The pool table afloat with a variety of bile covered emo kids on top of it, punting it around the fruit machine with a broken cue. Mark lying on the bar, using a pair of ice tongs to get the lumpy bits out of his butt crack (love you Mark, lol). And there outside sit the survivors of this terrible disaster. The bouncers, who leapt in opposite directions, assist as the vile smelling hoards hit the open air and steam gently. Fire engines breaking out the hoses to spray it all off. And in the middle of it all, the cause. Sat quietly in one corner by the fence. Hunched up in a little ball. Skater Dave, an empty bottle of VK Ice at his side. His trousers filled with whiff juice and an accusing diced carrot pitted stain spreading down his t-shirt.

Did you enjoy that.? I hope so.!!! I got a little carried away there but I had a good time writing it. Hehe.

I was in fact going to relay “Things That Piss Me Off” to you instead. So here are a few…

1. When you get the sugar bowl out of the cupboard and manage to catch the spoon on the damn door and spring a pile of Silver Spoon’s finest over every surface within five yards.!

2. When you open a door in just your socks and get your little toe caught twixt door and carpet.

3. When you spark up a fag just as the bus appears around the corner.

4. When children come into my shop and PISS ME THE FUCK OFF by acting like a spoilt little twat so their mother bribes them with sweets instead of giving them six of the best, trousers down.!

5. When politicians moan they don’t get paid enough or have enough time off.

6. When the church assumes it has a right to interfere in the world.

7. When the French decide it’s time for another protest and start setting fire to things again.

I think I might stop there otherwise that is going to go on for miles and miles.!!!

See ya.!!

Oh and “Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!.”

This entry was posted on Monday, September 25th, 2006 at 2:51 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.