Monday morning. Last night I had THE worst bout of insomnia ever. I usually get it a little on a Sunday night simply because I have got up very late in the day, I haven’t really done much during the day and I simply can’t drop off. I think I must have dozed fitfully at some point but I really can’t tell. I do remember sitting in bed reading Fred Basset books at 5.30am eating Mini Cheddars and Jaffa Cakes and drinking coke, caffeine be damned as I couldn’t sleep anyway. I eventually fell asleep about 6.30am and got up at 11am after having two parcels dumped on my bed. One contained some more UV nail varnish the other contained a lovely handmade top I got off eBay for just £8. Love it.!!!
So guess what I have on the TV. Trisha Goddard. I am watching two huge, common slappers (sisters too) fighting over an Irishman called Phil who HAS to have the gift of the gab because looking at him he has fuck all else.!!! A little caption appeared under his gappy toothed phizog saying “Admits he had sex with both sisters”. Bloody hell, I wouldn’t admit to sleeping with ONE of these two horrors let alone admitting you were shagging your way through the family.! Ewww. The other story I caught was about a 44 year old guy and his 19 year old fiancee. And you thought I was bad.
BING BONG, OH LOOK A LITTLE RANT
Woolworths have come under fire for selling poker sets at £4.99 “because they could get kids hooked on gambling”. Errr, what.? I used to play cards with my parents when I was a wee nipper and you don’t see me sitting in a casino somewhere sweating heavily and praying for a nice pair (no, I only pray for a nice pair when I am on the pull in town). If you are worried that your kids will be drawn into a playground wide gambling ring then TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY for what your kids are doing. TALK to them. Children aren’t that stupid (well except Big Brother hanging girl) and if you let them know what is what then they are far less likely to go out and do it. My brother and I used to play gin rummy against my mum and gran, maybe for pennies maybe for matches, but we didn’t instantly go out and fritter away thousands of pounds the second we turned eighteen.! For all you bad parents out there who are far more confident with blaming society for your failings rather than your own pathetic inadequacies as a parent, here are a few pointers that your child maybe caught up in gambling…
1, You walk past a pawn shop and notice a long line of his Pokemon cards sitting in the window.
2, When watching Wacky Races on the TV he is gripping a piece of paper, repeatedly muttering “Come on Penelope” and has a look of despair in his eyes
3, The toy black board in his room has the odds chalked on it for the local Donkey Derby.
4, He has aquired an XBOX360 and the receipt has the words “paid for in two pences” written across it.
5, When serving dinner in “help yourself” dishes he lays down twenty quid on the left hand dish before you take the lid off and groans when it turns out to be sprouts.
So there you have it. The StitchingBastards guide to infant gambling. Woolworths, please continue to sell your gambling sets. It is very different from the time another well known multi-channel retailer was knocking out thongs for 7 year olds. That was just wrong. Poker is just another card game, you don’t have to bet your dinner money on it.
Talking of responsibility, two kids were found wandering down a dual carriageway (both aged 5), and disaster was narrowly averted thanks to someone picking them up and calling police. The reaction of the father of the kids.? To say he was going to fence in the garden and that HGVs need to be banned from the road. Fence in the garden.??? Why in hell were two five year olds allowed to play in an unfenced area.!! Kids wander off, it is nature, if you don’t keep an eye on them they get out the garden or drown on the beach etc etc. If the road is a dual carriageway then surely HGVs are far safer on there than on little B roads. Get your head out of your bottom.!
Which brings me neatly onto something else. A letter in the Evening Post the other day (I was too ill to respond to it sadly but I was so very tempted to send something in). It was saying just how dangerous it was to have nuclear flasks travelling on the various railway lines through Bristol. They were moaning on about how “it is a magnet for terrorists”. No it isn’t. Why would a terrorist organisation run the risk of hijacking a train. Where would they take the 25 ton flask.? NEWSFLASH, trains run on rails. If you hijack them they can’t really go that far. They can even be safely derailed at catch points and sanddrags if need be. Even if the terrorists managed to load the damn flask onto a truck, then following a 44tonne artic is not going to be all that challenging, even for our police force. If this retarded little man had bothered to go and stand outside a local school, for instance, on a main road, then he would occasionally see big lorries with large round cylinders behind them. We call them tankers. They roam wantonly around the country carrying petrol, acid, LPG, aviation fuel, you name it, it probably travels about 4 foot from your front door on a regular basis.!
As usual you can see where I am going here. Why moan about a flask that has been crash tested by the simple expident of crashing a 110 ton railway locomotive into it at over 80mph (literally, on remote control at the Old Dalby test track back in the 1970’s), when you are more than happy to allow thousands of gallons of highly explosive liquid or gas to wander past your house at the hands of a lorry driver who may only have the most basic qualifications, in a vehicle that could be illegally registered, run or unsafe due to insufficient safety checks. If I was going to blow something up then I would rather stand behind an empty petrol tanker unloading at Tesco’s (the vapour makes them explosive rather than flammable) and stick a bomb to that, than risk trying to stop two large rail locos and a possible armed guard. Would you rather a dirty bomb went off in London or a petrol tanker took out an infant school.?
Yeah me too, fuck the Londoners.
And finally tonight, I have been talking to my dear mother about being polite and nice to people that you really can’t stand. I know in a civilized society we meet people frequently that we dislike but for reason beyond our control we are forced to be pleasant. I can think of two people in my life off the top of my head that I am usually civil to for no reason other than keeping the peace. So why do I bother.? Normally I would just nod along but from now on lets drop this two faced world. Let’s cut out being nice to people who we can’t stand, usually because they have done something non-deserving our our goodwill. So if you say hello to me and I turn away, flick the V’s or blank you, then don’t feel bad, it isn’t me being impolite, it’s just that I don’t like you or you have done something that has pissed me off. Get over it.
That was a rather interesting read. Good rant going on. I still speak to my friends that others don’t like. It’s not worth ignoring them! But if you really don’t like someone, then really don’t fake liking them. It’s fucking pointless. Psh. And the gambling? If you stop children doing it at a young age (even though it’s completely innocent ‘gambling’) then they will want to be doing it even more as they grow up. Hense the no money and stuff. Even though letting them do it can result into further behaviour when they’re older, normally the person(s) will do it when they get older anyway, because they were deprived of it when they were younger. Making them more prone to doing so at a later date. And now I’m fucking rambling. Sorry! Hope you’re less sleepy now. Get a good nights sleep tonight perhaps!!! xxx