Well I have spent a proportion of the morning watching the amazing series “Life In The Undergrowth”. David Attenbrough at his very best. I actually had a webcast with him a few years ago just before he finished filming it and was one of the few times I have ever been able to talk with one of my heroes (Jarvis Cocker having now moved to France). But undergrowth, I hear you cry.? Why ever would you be interested in the life of rotting leaves… Well it isn’t that. For those who know me I am an amateur entomologist with a specific interest in the communicative interaction between social members of the genus Hymenoptera… or as you might say, I like looking at wasps, bees and ants, hehe.

Having also watched Bug Attack yesterday as well (remember the Japanese Hornet I have in a jar of honey) it has re-piqued my imagination for the macro world of invertabrates. Watching a Japanese honeybee nest under invasion of the huge Hornet and, unlike the European honeybee, being able to kill the first Hornet that wanders in (the scout that tells where the hive is) was amazing. The scout Hornet is allowed to wander into the hive and then one Japanese honeybee shouts “PILE OOOOOON” and instantly 200 or so bees grab it. The Hornet can only take an internal body temperature of 115 degrees before it dies, the honeybees 117, so they vibrate their abdomens and lift the temperature in the bee-ball to 116, so cooking the Hornet alive. What a way to go.!

So what can I tell ya, well today is my last day off before I go back to work. Tomorrow also brings a 6pm staff meeting, which is just great. Aren’t I lucky. A full day and then that, I am soooo going to fall asleep in it.! Question is, which day off do I get. If I am very hopeful and lovely I should keep my usual weekend free (as my boss doesn’t work Fridays, only Saturdays. Fingers crossed there.

It’s bank holiday Monday and I am so tired I really could fall asleep right now, so I am off for a nap. Back later with more maybe.!!!

*****LATE NEWS*****

As it is a bank hol then why don’t we have an amusing look through the good ole’ server stats. As usual (apart from mine), Brownie is STILL pumping my site full of viewers from her myspace profile. Braidy has slipped down to fifth behind a few people, but when was the last time she was online.?

On the search term results, “tits” and “titties” still head the list, with “sweaty fannies” down in fourth place. Worryingly hits for “(big) sweaty fannies”, “fishy smelling cunts” and “dirty fannies” appears to be on the increase, what on earth have I been writing about.?! “Yahoo sex fun shag tits” came up as a rather odd combination of the worlds most non-sexual search engine and a stream of dirtiness, following closely behind was “woken up by itchy rash”, time to go to the clinic dear boy.!!

“Fuck my mates wife” obviously someone out there doesn’t like his mate, or his mate is the world’s laziest pimp.! Just to prove the sad bastards that sometimes search the internet “what to look for in a mate”, how about not being electronic or inflatable, that is always a good start. “Hints on removing copydex”, that fish glue stuff, or maybe just a nice big patch of spunk. Finally, because I could fill about three pages with these, is “shagging vorderman”, I don’t think I have to say anything there.

Last night was marvellous. Had a lot of fun, but especially when myself, Sexy Dave and Mr Moss of Skylight Theory were standing up on the top of the VIG area, watching all the ladies on the dance floor moving their ‘thangs’ and singing Trivium at the tops of our voices. Prior to this myself and Mr Moss had done a wonderful duet to a slightly annoyed looking Seb of Last Train Home by the LostProphets. The singing I admit was a little strained (especially me on the chorus because I can’t go that high). Someone thought I was 21 again (Loveeeed her lol) and I had to show her my ID before she believed me. She didn’t look her age either so we were both even, lol.

*****HERE COMES THE RANT*****

Under new plans set up by one of those bodies that our ridiculously stupid Prime Minister (prime as in well past it’s sell by date with very little common sense) called the Institute Of Public Policy Research having your rubbish taken away would no longer be included in your C(unt)cil tax. Instead you will pay 20p a kilo (so a full wheelie bin would cost about £16) EVERY WEEK to have your site carted away. Is it actually possible that they would like to help the environment.? Well no, it is another route to making an easy buck. The dustmen would be paid by us and you could GUARANTEE that the C(unt)cil tax rate would not drop to take out the “already paid for” rubbish removal. Is the biggest problem us not recycling.? I know as a household we do. Cardboard, glass, cans, paper, garden and food waste goes into a compost heap and every now and then I murder a civil servent and use their remains to feed the animals that live in the garden (ok not true but a nice idea).

The biggest problem is actually manufacturers. The people who package goods nowadays. Take a packet of water biscuits. Wrapped in a plastic tube (so air-sealed) and in a cardboard box (so far so good). But they have no taken to wrapping all that in ANOTHER layer of plastic.! Can I assume that they have to do that due to some stupid food hygiene law introduced from the classicly idiotic European Union who want us to recycle more in the first place.? I can’t see Carr’s being happy about throwing money down the drain so it must be an outside body somewhere.

There is an easy way round all this of course. When you get too much rubbish, nip down the town hall and slap it in a bin there, or behind the shops in town. Woolworths and BHS have loads of unsecured bins that you can lob stuff in happily without being seen on CCTV, problem solved. Failing that, find a housing estate full of drug addicts, follow one home who is off his tits and when he dives in a front door, throw the trash in after. Lets face it he will be too far off his tits to notice and so when three black bags of household waste come hurtling past his doped up mush he will think he is tripping and won’t believe his own eyes (even better if the smacked up little waster dies as you pile his house full of garbage, grab his house keys and make sure you don’t leave anything in the bags that can give away your identity).

One thing that annoys me… people who INSIST on using the word epoch in model railway terms. Grrrr. Sorry. Tangent taken there.

Did any one see that lady who is suing a dating agency because her love life hasn’t improved.??? I am serious.! She had eight dates and paid £250 and hasn’t met anyone suitable. I have in, the past used one, just to see what happened and I met a girl I was with for ten months and was the best sex ever, hehe. It was during a part of my life when the only place I went was Time/Uropa and I was always terrible at pulling there (well lets face it, you walk in there and the threatening environment is shockingly obvious, I NEVER felt relaxed in the many years I was going there. Contrast that to the first time I went in Hobbits from the start I was at “home”). Maybe the problem is actually with HER not the dating agency. Maybe the kind of person that is petty enough to sue a dating agency is not really the kind of person that men find attractive.? She isn’t that bad looking for her age, but would you wish to shack up with someone who is willing to take legal action because she can’t meet someone.??? Ridiculous and petty. How about if I sued google because their search engine wasted my time being unable to find something specific on the internet.?

Oh I am so going to end up blaming the Americans for this sort of thing…. Hehe.

And finally, a well done to Massa for a good race win, Alonso for fending off a scruffily-driving Schumacher, Button for a solid 4th place and the Turks for a great Grand Prix. Next is Monza, but first is the next BTCC round next weekend from Knockhill in Scotland…. oh please let it rain a little. It’s always good when it rains there.

PS, big hugs to Lemony for the cuddles last night too.!!!

*****LATE NEWS*****

LOVELY LOVELY EARRING

SEE IT’S NOT JUST ME.

And I forgot to add that we watched the Shakira video altogether last night and EVERYONE agreed that she does dance in the same way as someone from Hobbits… hurrah.!!!

Well done to the person on Fizz that texted in the very simple note “That Rhianna, wota minga”. Love the sentiment, hate the text speak spelling.

It would appear that Pete “I don’t care what it is just make it into a line” Doherty is at it again. While in rehab at The Priory for drug addiction he nipped into the teen ward and alledgedly slipped some coke to another “inmate” (I say inmate because having done that he has broken his bail conditions and SURELY must be locked up now).! Also in The Priory at the same time is Justin Hawkins from The Darkness and Tom Chaplin of Keane…

What is the matter with these people.??? They get a mere whiff of the big time and instantly decide to start stuffing things in bodily orifices. It’s crazy. I know it is a hard life being famous, all the press intrusion, playing gigs all over the world, being admired by lots of hot women and travelling first class on every airline and all while being paid vast sums of money. Shockingly difficult way of life. Wish I had a lifestyle like that….

I know. How about INSTEAD of pissing your “hard earned” cash down the toilet (or up your hooter), why not give loads of it to charity. There is no real need why ANYONE in the world should have, for instance, the amount of money that Paul MacCartney has (around about $1.5 BILLION). There are lots of good causes that this money would be doing better things to. Cancer charities, heart disease research etc but no, the greedy people of this world like to keep their huge bank balances up as high as possible. I HATE people like that. Grrrr.

I have remembered who the Muppets were who did the Shakira like dance moves. Twas Andy and Randy Pig (Miss Piggy’s nephews) and their catchphrase “This job is too haaaaard”.

By gum it was quiet out last night.! Phoenix was deserted at 11.30pm, which is normally very busy. Blame has been put down to the Reading Festival which was definately a good thing because me and Sarah had plenty of room to dance (which laughing at other dancers’ moves). Another benefit was the almost complete lack of emo kiddies, marvellous. Although I did wake up this morning and spend a few minutes sat next to the loo but my stomach refuses to reveal why I was feeling so sick (this time I hadn’t taken any antibiotics), weird.

The Kerrang! awards were presented last night with the award for “Best Band On The Planet” going to My Chemical Romance. Hmmmmm. Ok I like a couple of their songs but Best Band On The Planet.??? Nooooooo way. The Prodigy managed to scrape an award for “Being Independant”. Are these people serious.? Yes they are an amazing dance band but even so. Emo-tastic voting people.!

Lily Allen, much as I hate the whole coke thing, I do like her music. Her speech is something to behold though. Very Saaaaarrrf London. In one verse she uses the phrase “you messed up my mental health”, but actually sings it as “you messed up my mental elf”. Is this a new trait amongst dwarves, fairies and folk of the forest that I should be aware of. I personally do not wish to be attacked late one night on my way home by a mental elf that should have been locked up in a rubber walled cell in the Longfox unit at the hospital. Has anyone ever seen an insane goblin maybe.? Or a psychologically disturbed imp.? Just wondered.

And finally…

I just wanted to say that I do get a lot of comments and messages about this site from various people. But despite these I will still be continuing to write my blogs, lol. (Jim Bowen ©1983)

Impressed.? You wait ages for a post to come along and then two turn up at once… same with buses… or stabbings.!

Anywho, how have we been.? Looking forward to a nice wet bank holiday weekend.? Looking at the rain currently falling outside it might be just to my liking. I have never really got on with Bank Holidays. I get paid for them whether I work or not, which I tend not to but year ago when I worked in the photographic business I didn’t give much of a toss if my shop was open or not, much to the amusing annoyance of Asda’s customer service manager. Bitch. Hehehe. Used to love winding her up (usually as I had control over the air conditioning in her office and would take great delight in stuffing it onto the highest (or lowest) temperature possible when the opposite was required). I actually made her put on a thick coat when the external air temperature was well into the 80’s.! Ain’t I a stinker.?

Was watching that Jeremy Kyle bloke earlier (after I arrived home from a lovely tasty lunch in the Pavillion). He was telling stories about stupid kids who play on railway lines and actually surprised me with the tale of a child of catastrophic idiocy who LICKED, that is put tongue to (admittedly briefly) the live third rail (whether it was on an Underground line at 600 volts or a standard one at 750 volts is neither here nor there). The effect of doing this is much the same as that of playing Russian Roulette with an automatic pistol. I have to admit it made me laugh out loud, call me mean if you want but once again, that is one person I would not want passing his genes into the melting pot of society.!!! Dickhead.

Shakira is still stuck firmly in my mind. Wonder if any Shakira look-a-likes will ever turn up in Hobbits absolutely panting for a tall goth guy with two piercings and a lack of morals.? One can only hope.

On the subject of music I caught a programme purely on the Sugababes. Love the start of their career when they had Siobhan (the pale ginger one) singing with them. She was so cute and her voice definately better than that bloody scouser.

And so to tonight. Hope to see you people out in town pimpin’, yes pimpin’ it up. Hehehe.

Beep beep dribble dribble.

Actually I lied, they arent.

This is my friend Andrew’s little band… they are lovely (although rumours persist over his involvement with Elton John, George Michael and THAT carrot).

Go look at the monkey*.!!!

*(The StitchingBastards would like to point out that there are in fact no monkeys on that page).

The b3ta.com’s challenge for celebrity autobiographies closed just as I was going to slap this up so I thought I would pimp it here instead…

Proper post tomorrow btw.

Monday, a day of rest and having a bad stomach ache, well for me anyway.!!!

Did enjoy watching the German Touring Car yesterday though. The commentators do make me grin though… One guy Called Carlton who sounds like a normal racing commentator and one guy called Mark who sounds like Noel Coward. Weird combination but it does work. Well done to Bruno Spengler (wasn’t he a character in Ghostbusters.?) for a comprehensive trouncing of the rest of the grid and big well done to Christian Abt who didn’t ram anyone off the circuit for a change. Oh and then I watched the British Grand Prix’s from 1977 and 1978 which was a clever bit of time travel.

Now…

Shakira. Yummy. Her hips certainly dont lie and have a tendency in her new video to bring on a state of rigour mortis in me. But that chorus. “i’m on tonight”. Is it necessary to have a number one single while extolling the virtues of your favourite sanitary products. Maybe we could have some more songs like that. How about ‘Paint It Red’ by The Rolling Stones? Or maybe ‘California Bleeding’ by The Mamas And The Papas. I also noticed there is a bit where she dances around in a little circle, bum going one way her other bits going t’other. When she does that she reminds me of someone from Hobbits, I wont mention who, but at the same time it resembles a clip I have of one of the Muppets dancing. Maybe one day ill show you both the clip and the person. Hehe.

Is it the weather that is causing my headache or is it just me? Im not sure, but either way its not got me in a great mood and coupled with the fact i couldnt sleep much cos i kept itching all over my back and legs, its probably a good job i am not seein any one today at all.

More later… back to sleeping.

*****LATE NEWS*****

I know I shouldn’t post links to other people’s faceparty accounts purely for the amusement of taking the piss but THIS one I cannot resist. Now I don’t mean to be cruel but having read her about me section, would you click that button that says send message.? She scares me. A lot. Not even I use the phrase “pragmatic idealist”, but it is nice to know that if you date her and cheat on her, you can make it up with a cuppa and a sly copy of War And Peace to complete the gesture. Does make a nice change though, normally I get people like THIS. I don’t think I actually need to say anything about her. I am quite sure you are all thinking the same thing anyway.

Moving on, found a t-shirt site via Ebaumsworld, called phatrags.com, yes I know it is American and I detest the Yanks normally but bear with me on this one. You see, they have a Love/Hate mail page and it was amazingly funny going through it and picking out the HUGE quantity of pissed off Christians there were in there. Lines such as “You are only damaging society by spreading you filth around the globe!!” and “I make t-shirts myself and I don’t have to ruin young minds and exploit sex and females to sell them. I run a completely Christian t-shirt shop and our t-shirts are tasteful and funny”. So guess what I did next… Thats right, I thought I would check out one of these God Monkey’s Christian T-Shirt sites.

I have to admit I was taken aback by the sheer hilarity of the wears available. Such gems as “Don’t Keep The Faith (spread it around)” and “FROG Fully rely on God” had me literally scrambling for the nearest button to close my browser and a box to put the turd in to send to these people. As you are all aware I am now an atheist who, to be honest, doesn’t give a toss about god anymore. I was never THAT bad though was I.? If I EVER meet one of these sodding Christian do gooders who blame internet companies for breaking the moral structure of society I will personally dress them up in a HUGE (American remember) t-shirt that says “Jesus is a Cunt, but so is your mum”.

What they fail to see is that the reason the world is in such a messed up state is because of THEM, or more specifically their intent on worshipping a fictional spirit who apparently controls the world. Ditto every other sodding religion in the known universe. Put down that book you god-bothering, socialist, bearded, paedophile look-a-like and take a chill pill. When you see the pope on TV going “Don’t use condoms, it gets rid of those naughty gay blokes” then it is kind of obvious that religion is really not the best idea we have ever come up with.

Finally. It is almost over. After weeks of suffering the end is in sight. Big Brother finishes tonight. Hurrah.!!! No more opening the paper to find some grinning cunt from South London looking like a retard. No more photos of Davina Macall. One little note to all you budding terrorists out there… wouldn’t you just love to hurt all those British infidels.?? Then go set off a device at the set. If you are lucky you might blow Davina into a million tiny pieces. I would personally become a muslim myself if you managed that, plus you would rid our poor country of some of the horrible little shits that are small minded enough to watch this crass excuse for a television programme. It’s no wonder that audience figures are falling when TV companies are pumping out such wank as Big Brother, Love Island or I’m A Celebrity. Kill them all… nooooooooow.!!!

Friday it is. That thunderstorm last night was a corker wasn’t it.! It was loud enough to prompt a rather sleepy and terrified Fluffy Bunny to bury his head firmly under the duvet and seek shelter from the disco style light show that was going on and on outside. It was that last thunder clap that got me… was a flash and an instant CRAAAACK rather than a rumble which means it was CLOSE. Yes I ducked. If I am not out of bed watching the storm then I am hiding like a dog on Guy Fawkes Night.

I managed to have a hair cut this morning, by the same girl that did it a while back in a different barbers, but sadly she didn’t have the amazing eye shadow on.

One thing I have been watching on TV is that new Robbie Williams single, you know the one. The one where he raps.? Beatbox I think it is called… more like ShitLocker.!! Never in my life have I heard a more pathetic piece of audio faeces.!!! Someone mentioned that Roland Rat rapped better back in the 1980’s and I totally agree. Looking on as the smug faced Northern arsehole minces his way through a song over dubbed with the sound of a very old Casio keyboard makes me want to find out where he goes to relax and then emptying a large muckspreaders worth of horse shite over his deck chair… oh and him as well.!!!

This morning’s Jeremy Kyle show had a gay scouser on it… a contridiction in terms surely.! I kept sitting there expectantly waiting for him to start beating himself about the face. Sadly it didn’t happen but was quite funny. He had loads of different “disorders”. Those made up ones that have lovely acronyms, like ADHD and PTSD… and maybe HIV but I think that one might not be made up that much. ADHD, lovely. Naughty boy syndrome. It isn’t real, it is just a sad showing of the current state of discipline in this country. Instead of a sharp smack across the ass when your little shit of a kid is kicking up a fuss in Boots, you quite merrily go off and buy him a treat, so he thinks everytime he is naughty he gets a treat. Wrong way to deal with it.! Although ironically I can think of one person I know who’s partner is the same, kick up fuss, get treat and so ad infinitum.

I was watching, I think, TMF the other day. On it was Christina Aguilera. The thing is I didn’t actually believe it was her. She didn’t look, well, real. I mistakenly thought it was David Walliams or Matt Lucas dressed up like her. Weird. And not very pretty.

Hmmmm, I am typing this downstairs on a laptop while I have Q on. They have just had the “Rock Download Chart” on. I think their impression of rock music might be VERY different from everyone elses in the world… I kid you not, this is the actual top ten…

Snow Patrol
The Kooks
Razorlight
The Automatic
The Zutons
Orson
Orson
The Kooks
The Feeling
Snowpatrol

Where the hell is the rock in that.??? Snow Patrol, Razorlight and The Feeling produce the worst kind of dirge music ever, The Automatic and Orson aren’t bad but you wouldn’t wanna throw a TV out the window to them. The Zutons are a large group of the second most annoying musical people after Blazin’ “Haven’t you lot got ASBOs yet” Squad and The Kooks.? Really.? What a load of toss.!!! Where are bands like Coheed and Cambria, Atreyu, Korn, A7X (dare I say it).

While we are still on music, wouldn’t you just love it if James Blunt turned out to be the son of God. Not that he would be worshipped, just I really want to see the odious little tosser nailed to a large wooden cross. Oh, I had added a different song to my myspace site last night, until I changed it with Pulp’s fantabulously amazing Lipgloss. It is a song from Channel U called Free Yard by some black dude going by the moniker of Aggro. If you get the chance to watch it then please do and keep your eyes peeled for the brunette with the face like a slapped Prescott, who only seems able to dance by shaking her body like she is tied to a misfiring Triumph engine. Either that or she has Parkinson’s disease (and no I don’t mean she goes around interviewing people at random).

Damn that girl bothers me… but not as much as some others…

The b3ta.com challenge this week is to come up with appropriate names for autobiographies (my favourite so far being Vincent Van Gough, No Where To Clip The Hearing Aid, lol). I was sat here just wondering what I would call mine.? Any suggestions because, to be honest, I drew a bit of a blank on this. I could only come up with “Hiding Behind Lamp-posts, The True Story”.

So how goes it people.? My connection has been a bit weird today thanks to the thunder and a slightly over excited router (corrected by updating the firmware, which I didn’t think about).

I haven’t got much to write tonight, except the tablets appear to be working so I may actually be out tomorrow night. I shall see if I end up in pain around midnight (that is when it tends to start for some odd reason). I need a hair cut too. It is getting way too long. Tomorrow morning I shall see to that as well.

I might be back later.. depends on if I want a rant or not.

Monday morning. Last night I had THE worst bout of insomnia ever. I usually get it a little on a Sunday night simply because I have got up very late in the day, I haven’t really done much during the day and I simply can’t drop off. I think I must have dozed fitfully at some point but I really can’t tell. I do remember sitting in bed reading Fred Basset books at 5.30am eating Mini Cheddars and Jaffa Cakes and drinking coke, caffeine be damned as I couldn’t sleep anyway. I eventually fell asleep about 6.30am and got up at 11am after having two parcels dumped on my bed. One contained some more UV nail varnish the other contained a lovely handmade top I got off eBay for just £8. Love it.!!!

So guess what I have on the TV. Trisha Goddard. I am watching two huge, common slappers (sisters too) fighting over an Irishman called Phil who HAS to have the gift of the gab because looking at him he has fuck all else.!!! A little caption appeared under his gappy toothed phizog saying “Admits he had sex with both sisters”. Bloody hell, I wouldn’t admit to sleeping with ONE of these two horrors let alone admitting you were shagging your way through the family.! Ewww. The other story I caught was about a 44 year old guy and his 19 year old fiancee. And you thought I was bad.

BING BONG, OH LOOK A LITTLE RANT

Woolworths have come under fire for selling poker sets at £4.99 “because they could get kids hooked on gambling”. Errr, what.? I used to play cards with my parents when I was a wee nipper and you don’t see me sitting in a casino somewhere sweating heavily and praying for a nice pair (no, I only pray for a nice pair when I am on the pull in town). If you are worried that your kids will be drawn into a playground wide gambling ring then TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY for what your kids are doing. TALK to them. Children aren’t that stupid (well except Big Brother hanging girl) and if you let them know what is what then they are far less likely to go out and do it. My brother and I used to play gin rummy against my mum and gran, maybe for pennies maybe for matches, but we didn’t instantly go out and fritter away thousands of pounds the second we turned eighteen.! For all you bad parents out there who are far more confident with blaming society for your failings rather than your own pathetic inadequacies as a parent, here are a few pointers that your child maybe caught up in gambling…

1, You walk past a pawn shop and notice a long line of his Pokemon cards sitting in the window.
2, When watching Wacky Races on the TV he is gripping a piece of paper, repeatedly muttering “Come on Penelope” and has a look of despair in his eyes
3, The toy black board in his room has the odds chalked on it for the local Donkey Derby.
4, He has aquired an XBOX360 and the receipt has the words “paid for in two pences” written across it.
5, When serving dinner in “help yourself” dishes he lays down twenty quid on the left hand dish before you take the lid off and groans when it turns out to be sprouts.

So there you have it. The StitchingBastards guide to infant gambling. Woolworths, please continue to sell your gambling sets. It is very different from the time another well known multi-channel retailer was knocking out thongs for 7 year olds. That was just wrong. Poker is just another card game, you don’t have to bet your dinner money on it.

Talking of responsibility, two kids were found wandering down a dual carriageway (both aged 5), and disaster was narrowly averted thanks to someone picking them up and calling police. The reaction of the father of the kids.? To say he was going to fence in the garden and that HGVs need to be banned from the road. Fence in the garden.??? Why in hell were two five year olds allowed to play in an unfenced area.!! Kids wander off, it is nature, if you don’t keep an eye on them they get out the garden or drown on the beach etc etc. If the road is a dual carriageway then surely HGVs are far safer on there than on little B roads. Get your head out of your bottom.!

Which brings me neatly onto something else. A letter in the Evening Post the other day (I was too ill to respond to it sadly but I was so very tempted to send something in). It was saying just how dangerous it was to have nuclear flasks travelling on the various railway lines through Bristol. They were moaning on about how “it is a magnet for terrorists”. No it isn’t. Why would a terrorist organisation run the risk of hijacking a train. Where would they take the 25 ton flask.? NEWSFLASH, trains run on rails. If you hijack them they can’t really go that far. They can even be safely derailed at catch points and sanddrags if need be. Even if the terrorists managed to load the damn flask onto a truck, then following a 44tonne artic is not going to be all that challenging, even for our police force. If this retarded little man had bothered to go and stand outside a local school, for instance, on a main road, then he would occasionally see big lorries with large round cylinders behind them. We call them tankers. They roam wantonly around the country carrying petrol, acid, LPG, aviation fuel, you name it, it probably travels about 4 foot from your front door on a regular basis.!

As usual you can see where I am going here. Why moan about a flask that has been crash tested by the simple expident of crashing a 110 ton railway locomotive into it at over 80mph (literally, on remote control at the Old Dalby test track back in the 1970’s), when you are more than happy to allow thousands of gallons of highly explosive liquid or gas to wander past your house at the hands of a lorry driver who may only have the most basic qualifications, in a vehicle that could be illegally registered, run or unsafe due to insufficient safety checks. If I was going to blow something up then I would rather stand behind an empty petrol tanker unloading at Tesco’s (the vapour makes them explosive rather than flammable) and stick a bomb to that, than risk trying to stop two large rail locos and a possible armed guard. Would you rather a dirty bomb went off in London or a petrol tanker took out an infant school.?

Yeah me too, fuck the Londoners.

And finally tonight, I have been talking to my dear mother about being polite and nice to people that you really can’t stand. I know in a civilized society we meet people frequently that we dislike but for reason beyond our control we are forced to be pleasant. I can think of two people in my life off the top of my head that I am usually civil to for no reason other than keeping the peace. So why do I bother.? Normally I would just nod along but from now on lets drop this two faced world. Let’s cut out being nice to people who we can’t stand, usually because they have done something non-deserving our our goodwill. So if you say hello to me and I turn away, flick the V’s or blank you, then don’t feel bad, it isn’t me being impolite, it’s just that I don’t like you or you have done something that has pissed me off. Get over it.