I must apologise for my lack of any kind of blog over the past three weeks (well ish). I have been through hell and high water to get over an illness that has had me at the Doctor’s 5 times, casualty three times, one X-ray, an ultrasound to come and a blood test. In the past two weeks I have taken around about 80 tablets, been unable (and am still not totally able) to eat (the flavour and texture being ruined by my throat) and I have turned a funny shade of purple (better than the jaundiced yellow I started off with I guess).

If you recall I started off with a week off with severe headaches/bodyaches etc which turned into a supposed kidney infection. I was given anti-biotics which in theory would clear it up but in practice lowered my body enough to give me severe and very painful tonsilitus. Then last Sunday I had what was thought to be a reaction to the penicillin and my arms turned all spotty. Then my legs. Then my chest. Then every-sodding-thing else on my body. The quack gave me more pills and changed my anti-biotics and nothing happened. So I then went and had another check up and was diagnosed with probable glandular fever.

This made sense… It causes a jaundiced look (kidney thing is actually my liver being naughty), swollen glands all over (tonsilitus, here we come), fever, sweating, loss of appetite, bad rash and a lack of energy, you see, it all fits together.!!!

So there we go. I am still horribly itchy although the rash is fading now, my hands tingle which is awfully painful and I have to keep getting people to open doors, windows, bottles, etc for me (which is humiliating and makes me feel helpless and pathetic).

In all of this I have had lots of lovely people wishing me well and a couple came round to check up on me… but one person has been closer than everyone else put together… Lemony. I have so much to thank her for that words can’t totally express on here. Cute card, little bear, keyring from her and Harry.

So thank you Lemony (and Harry, and all those of you who have texted me and miss me). I miss you all too. I will hopefully be back to normal soon but it may be weeks, even months sadly, before I am totally 100%. Plus I am not supposed to drink for another FOUR WEEKS… and my birthday is next week.!!!

If you need me then you know where I am. It is actually painful typing on here so I shall disappear now, just wish I could be out in Hobbits tonight.!!! Maybe a break is what I needed. It is also painful to text so if I am slow or reluctant to reply that is why.!

See you all very soon.!!

xxxxx

I am still stuck in the damn house. I am still not 100%, though it differs from minute to minute. If the whole body temperature control thing would function properly I would be fine but, using last night as a prime example, one minute I was sat here with my heater on, shivering, the next it was strip and whack on the shorts, turn the fan on and sweat like Michael Barrymore catching the whiff of chlorine and faeces.

So I am afraid I will not be gracing Weston tonight with my usual drunken antics but I WILL be out and about tomorrow, hopefully in town by day, and Hobbits by night, even if I lose a limb I am NOT missing the one day of the week I look forward to.!!!

Lets do some website hit statistics…

Firstly this month’s (and pretty much every month’s) winner of the “most clicks to my site” award goes to Tinkerbell’s myspace (obviously just after mine and taking over from Pouty’s).!!

Search string wise, well I have had “place to fish in weston” surely only Sennies after 1am on a sweaty Saturday night, the stench of fish from all those chavvy cunts must be incredibly strong.! How can I resize breasts on photos”, from the husband of my school boy crush Debbie one assumes (sorry Debs but they are still tiny).! “My wife dressed as a slapper” surely you would know where you left those photos Mr Prescott.! Interesting conundrum this one… “Oi let me on the net you bastards”… well how in hell did you post that with no net access.??? And finally “Smell my sweaty fanny”, ah the power of those fishy fannies from Sennies are obviously permeating the ethernet wires on a million home networks and if you find the correct IP address you too can enjoy the pong of what smells like Grimsby docks during the rush hour.!

Back soon.!!!

Yes I am still at home, day two of having a stonking headache, temperature that is fluctuating wildly between normal and “fuck me who set fire to the room” and waking up so sweaty at 4am that I can literally wring my skin off.!!!

I am so bored plus I have so much to do at work that I really don’t wanna be here, oh and its preventing me going to the pub tonight as well, dammit.!!!

So instead I have been reading the morning papers… “What.?” I hear you cry… “Does that mean we are in for a rant.?” Why yes, it certainly does…

*****ONLY RANTS AND HORSES***** (Rodney, you fucking dick.!)

I read something that sickened me even more than watching some elderly woman dropping a chavvy and pocketing hundreds of thousands of pounds for the newspaper rights earlier…

It was the tale of woe of a 44 year old ‘anonymous’ woman from the South East who had been shagging around behind her hubby’s back and ended up with twins in the oven. Now she didn’t know she was pregnant until it was too late for an abortion so carried the children to full term then DUMPED them, and why did she dump them.? So she wouldn’t ruin her happy home life and £25k a year job.!!!

YOU SELFISH WHORE. If you are fucking someone else then clearly your home life is not as happy as you make out.! You went on working until the day you gave birth, endangering the welfare of your unborn children and you have left them without a mother or a father with strangers and all because you couldn’t control yourself or learn how to take a pill every morning. Its all a case of being too emotionally stupid to handle telling someone the truth… I have been there, recently, having someone too childish and immature to be honest with me and letting me believe everything was okay while lying out of their ass to me. It FUCKING HURTS.

Oh and now you have sold the story to the tabloids, for lots of lovely moolah and condemning your children’s identity to being found out… and yours too. I hope your family find out about your infidelity and disown you. You are almost as big a disgrace to womankind as that dirty slapper who dumped her TWENTY kids to run off with a squaddie with ginger hair. These people do not deserve to be able to conceive children. They should be sterilized immediately.

And on the subject of children…

Man sexually assaults a THREE year old child and ends up literally with blood on his hands but is allowed out of jail in 5 years.? What the hell is wrong with this countries justice system. I hope in prison he is repeatedly anally raped and found murdered by warders. If I was in the same block as him and found out what he had done I would rid the world of this monsterous scum bag.!!!

AND ONE MORE…

In the Western Daily Press today is an open letter from the Bishop of Bath and Wells , expressing his (and a load of other God Bods) distress and disgust at the Governments pending decision to renew our nuclear deterrant forces (be they land launched, submarine lauched or air launched (aside: AIR launched.?? By what.? Our Air Force is so under strength and economically fucked up that the only way we could air launch nuclear missiles is by getting some one to throw them off Beachy Head and hope they gain enough air speed before they slam into the North Sea). Sorry I digress…

The Bish’s point was this… it is against Christianity. It is wrong to threaten the world because it was created for us by God.

Fuck me.!!! Look mate, I was religious once, then I realised that there is no one up there keeping an eye out, it IS all propaganda in a way, the Bible was a great set of rules to live by 2000 years ago, but has no relevance to today’s socio-economic climate. We NEED to be able to threaten other nuclear capable nations. It is still a part of the original mutually assured destruction where if someone starts throwing nukes at someone else then they get the hell blown out of them too. It is not a nice way to deal with things but it isn’t a nice world.

It was nice to note that this Bishop DID NOT point out to terrorist factions like Al’Queida (i so cannot spell that.!) or the Real IRA that what they do is naughty as well, he conveniently ignores that. As usual it is one rule for us (don’t blow terrorists up) while another for them (you are doing your God’s work, good religious people)…

Hey Bish, here is an open letter for you…

FUCK OFF and take your non-existant god (fuck capital letters), old fashioned values and paedophile friends back to your holy land and go see how many times you get blown apart by the Palastinian’s as you wander around Gaza trying to find somewhere to dry clean your hassock.!

THE END FOR NOW…

Many thanks to Bethany for this video, I felt it had to be shared with a wider audience…

Ignore the title, I was just stuck for one today. How are we all.?

My head was quite bad this morning due to the immense amount of drink I had last night (no surprises there). It is Saturday today, or was last time I looked, and Sarah’s Birthday night out (she liked the earrings I got her). I only hope Monkey isn’t sick again tonight it wasn’t nice stepping over the enormous pool of disinfectant outside Hobbits. :S.

Now what else have we been up to.? Well I was supposed to be out today but a certain person hasn’t been online and I didn’t text them last night because my phone was being an arse. Oh well. There will be a few more people out tonight I hope, I was on my own with two couples but thankfully Stew was busy with his friends so Pouty and I got a chance to catch up on the gossip.

*****RAAAAAANT SOUND THE ALARM*****

So the 62 year old Doctor Patricia Rashbrook has had her baby and become the United Kingdom’s oldest mother. Oh joy. So when she and her hubby (60 years old) get to enjoy the years when the hormones kick in (and out) they shall be around 75 years old and not really in the mood for standing at the bottom of the stairs shouting “Kevin, turn that bloody racket down, I can’t hear Songs Of Praise. Don’t make me come up there.!!”.

One slightly sinister bit of the interview with the Daily Mail was this quote…
“We have younger friends with children who have agreed to act as surrogate parents should anything happen to us.”
See what I mean… imagine if YOUR parents did that.!? Oh we will die soon, here are the spare keys to the kids. Give ‘em a spin every now and then. Plus when the child is just about ready to get married they will just about be nailing down the lid (joint funeral/marriage service I guess).

It is rather selfish when you think about it. In comes old age but at the same time your toddler wants you to be running around the garden without the danger of a hip snapping every three yards. At least it will save any of the little tykes mates fancying his mum (unless they have severe issues).!

Good job she had a caesarian though, saved using a crowbar to break the crust and let the baby out (Goodness me is that going to cause comments).!!

RANT ENDS PLEASE WALK AWAY, NOTHING TO SEE HERE

I should put my feet down off my desk and get the hell on with tidying up round here. Might be back later with some more stuff and another rant. Enjoy.!!

My best photo from last night…

…we looked hot as usual.

North Korea. The Chinese puppet of the East. Bordered by South Korea, the US puppet. Separated by a border 12km wide with defensive zones either side.

This week North Korea launched SEVEN ballistic missiles (one of the long range Taepodong-2 type wich can fly up to 4,300km) over the sea of Japan. Each one is capable of carrying either a nuclear, chemical or biological warhead with the ability to kill or severely disable/injure millions of people in one huge malstrom of terror.

Frightening thought huh.?

If you read the details of what a chemical or biological warfare strike could do on the western world you would be amazed. With no anti-missile systems capable of protecting us the devastation would be incredible. During the Cold War there was a document drawn up by the Communist East Germany. It contained the computerised simulation results for an attack by Russia on NATO supported West Germany using biochem weapons. In short the attack would leave most of EAST Germany uninhabitable for a good length of time without the correct protective equipment. Crops would be unharvestable, due to all the insects required for pollination being killed off (to the point where imports would have to be made from other countries to replace them). The ENTIRE German way of life and social structure would die. It would literally wipe a country and a civilisation off the face of the planet in much the same way that the Aztecs and the Romans ceased to exist thousands of years ago.

Even more frightened now.?

If you run out of condoms then use clingfilm….

…It won’t protect you very well but it will keep it fresh.!!!

I have been reading an article in The New York Times this evening. It is all about the fact that the boys and girls of this fair Isle are not all that impressed by the Americans. Just TWENTY TWO percent of those English interviewed thought that the actions of the Bush Administration etc etc were making this world a better place. Do you agree with this.? You will not be surprised to hear that I do.

What with their refusal to sign up to the Kyoto Agreement and continuing to pump the world full of greenhouse gases, messing up Iraq despite there actually not being any chemical or nuclear weapons lying around and assisting in expanding every other childs waistline in sight, it is hard to imagine just what on earth they are playing at.

After the Second World War this country had built up a “special relationship” with the USA, borne of their Lend/Lease programme and assistance in the European theatre. Ok, as usual they turned up late for ANOTHER war but at least they helped that time. When war in Korea broke out they were there along with us fighting hard. Ok they didn’t give us much of a hand over Suez or the Falklands, but lets face it, against the Argentinians we didn’t need that much assistance.!

During the Cold War they gave us nuclear missiles to help protect both us and themselves, and people died to preserve the hard fought freedom of a battered post war Europe…

…but now, since Blair and Bush got their heads together, and the way in which America is heading (rife as it is with stupid lawsuits, fast food, gun crime and racial prejudice) it is falling apart and rapidly bringing us down to the same level. Big companies now pretty much run the country with bad business practices, corporate bullshit (such as Asda/Walmart and their “Huddles” instead of staff meetings) and pollution. Or they simply want world domination (M1crosoft springs to mind).!

Is this what we want.? Blair has already pissed away our civil liberties, trying to force stuff like ID cards on us, or entry into a common (and badly run) European single currency. Paedophiles and murderers are being shoved out of prison on “human rights grounds” and we are being stuffed by every company that can up roots and sod off to India and Eastern Europe because our laws say they can (where as in somewhere like France or Germany they cannot do so).

How about we scrap our ties with America. They only make things worse nowadays. Can you imagine them helping us out now if Germany started it all over again.?

Neither can I.!!!

It is Saturday, so rather than bore you with the intricate details of last night I shall give you the headlines instead…

BONG
Charmian almost drops me RIGHT in it with Rayray’s boyfriend.

BONG
Hwang and I drink loads and feel pissed.

BONG
Hally got us both dancing to Pendulum again.

BONG
Bethany slapped my wrist for being irresponsible.

BONG
I found it was unnecessary to use Aftershock as a drunkness booster.

BONG
I did not smoke any BONGs. Lol.

Now on with the ranting…

The guy who killed Sally Ann Bowman (who I always thought was a newsreader on Radio 1), a model who was murdered yards from her home over a year ago, has been arrested and charged with her murder etc etc. Took them a year you note, in the meantime they arrested her Mum on that charge and did something purely stupid they asked 4000 men to turn up and give blood samples for DNA evidence.

I am pretty sure you can see what is wrong there… What if the guy who DID kill her didn’t actually turn up for testing.!?! Imagine his position. He is sat at home watching TV and having a bit of a giggle, while the Police beg him to turn up and have his fluids removed. It doesn’t take much to guess that if you have murdered someone and DON’T want to be found then it is unlikely that going down the local cop shop for a little needlework is going to be high on your list. Honestly. The people who run this country MUST be stupid. If he isn’t going to turn himself in then he simply won’t turn up for the testing.

And finally, I saw THIS and thought of you all…

*****SPORTS NEWS*****

I am just waiting for extra time to start in the England vs Portugal match but I would like to say one small thing…

Ronaldo you over paid, smug twat. Why not save the whole world the trouble at having to watch your bad sportsmanship (throwing yourself on the floor every 30 seconds and clutching an untouched appendage) by forgetting to strap yourself into your high powered sports car and going for a drive around Paris pursued by several of the Papperazzi. I can think of a wonderful tunnel you could go through in your vehicle… watch out for that concrete pillar though…

…. oooops.!

Hmmmmm…. while watching us lose to those cunts who we saved from the French in the 19th century, someone sent me a text, which had summed up exactly what I was thinking…

THIS IS NOT ME..!!!