Archive for May, 2006

The Mud Pie Is Coming

Wednesday, May 31st, 2006

8 DAYS TO DOWNLOAD

Earlier on I was pondering a rather odd conflict in my life. The fact that I love WRITING my blog, but DETEST with a passion reading other peoples. Selfish as it may sound it is very true. Maybe because mine is personal to me (and I know I tend to write a lot about the stuff going on in my life) then I prefer reading it because I do lean towards my own sense of humour. Plus a lot of the blogs I read from around t’internet focus only on the lives of the author and not on their thoughts and opinions about life and it’s many musings, like mine.

So let us move on to last night, hehe…

Bar 4, drinking with Lemony, in siddles Rayray. Everyone else joined us eventually with Natalie feeling all ill (awwwwww) and Nat and Lemony having a seemingly innocent conversation about swallowing. Hobbits was quiet, but I got the songs I wanted played and then home assisting poor Dave in his rather noisy exhaustless Escort.

And so ends today’s lesson on my life :D .

I have sent in yet ANOTHER letter to the Weston Mercury. They wish to build on the Italian Gardens on the High Street in town. The reason.? More shops. Rather a sore point with me, is this. We have a fair number of shops in Weston. I wish I had the time to go out and survey the quantity of types of shop we actually have. At last count I made it five… Card shops, Phone shops, Charity shops, Bakeries and shops that sell just about anything.

Some other guy had written in to the Mercury last week saying we NEEDED more shops to make Weston more like Bath. How on earth is that going to happen. Bath is a cultured city with a high proportion of university students and tourists WITHOUT children. Weston is a big doss-house for drug addicts, dole scroungers and massive one parent families (both in physical size and quantity of children). Bath attracts a lot of important people and a lot of public investment, Weston attracts the Krankies and car park charges that make selling body organs on ebay and attractive proposition. Enough said.?

Oh and I see the Government have made another arse up. Did you see that coming.? Did ya.???

They have messed up the payments of family tax credit for the second year in a row. Not surprising but it is better than last year… only £1.8 BILLION worth of fuck up. But MORE people have had their credits wrongly paid (1.96 million this year, 1.88 million last year).

What is even less surprising is that the whole thing is supervised by none other than Dawn Primarolo, do you remember that name.? She was behind the ridiculous farce in the early ninties known as the “Bristol Supertram Project”. With her as Paymaster General (and we all remember what happened to Geoffrey Robinson, the last person to fill her position (ewwww) he had so many criminal actions against him they had to add three whole pages to his entry in Who’s Who) then goodness knows where it will end up.!

Well I have bought the first series of Fraiser and I shall be sat here enjoying it. Talk to me won’t you.!

Terminal Ferocity

Monday, May 29th, 2006

11 DAYS TO DOWNLOAD

Bank Holiday Monday started at 12am with me eating cheese and crackers after a very naughty evening, lol.

Then today I have been shopping with Lemony in town and had a great time. Met up with loads of the usual Hobbits group in the Italian Gardens (that place is like a magnet for black clothing on a public holiday). Bought a HUGE bag of pick ‘n’ mix which I know will ruin my teeth but it tastes sooooo good.

And in today’s news…

The Java earthquake. Errr, no one told me.!! More than 5,000 people dead and no one even bothered to phone me and let me know. I am pretty sure Bono, with his sunglasses perched upon his pointy irish face, got a whole host of phone calls, probably even one from Him up there (I bet it is a big red phone with no buttons, just a little red flash light like the one Batman has). Well at least everyone knows there was some shakin’ and a wakin’ going on now.

Tony Blair was moaning the other day (maybe Cherie was writhing around on top of him…. ewwww bad mental image warning.!). He was moaning about the lack of support for the Invasion of Iraq (or that American led fuck up as everyone else knows it). If you all cast your minds back then you might remember that I was in support of removing Saddam and his chemical weapons and sorting it all out down there. But, and this is a but so big you might need to divert the M5 round it. BUT there WERE no weapons, it was all bullshit made up by the USA and our top blokes in Government (yes I was lying when I said top blokes, I meant those habitual cock faced wasters in London). So why have we wasted all those lives of our young soldiers for literally nothing.? Well it has GOT to be for oil surely. SURELY. There can be no reason why two of the world’s top countries (err well us, the USA is a third world country really, it MUST be because no first world country would have a democratically (hehehe, like fuck mis-aligned notch boy) elected leader that a, looked like that, b, talked like that or c, could very nearly kill himself eating a pretzel).

Why would someone copy the stupidity of the Russians in the early 1980’s when they invaded Afghanistan. They were humilated by a load of “rag heads with AK47s”. Communist soldiers were eventually pulled out in 1988 after losing 15,000 to the Mujahideen and various other rebels. These included UK and US sponsored forces, many USSR aircraft including MIG’s and the heavily armoured and feared Mi-24 Hind attack helicopter. Mercenaries supposedly paid by the CIA and MI5 carried Stinger missile assemblies and other arms across the border, one of which was allegedly used against against a transport plane flying out of Kandahar airport carrying Soviet servicemen home to the Motherland. You see what happened there.? The US and UK fighting against the USSR, it was basically the Cold War being fought by proxy, ditto North/South Korea and even South Africa/Rhodesia.

But we aren’t fighting the Cold War anymore. We never fought it in the first place. Glasnost and perestoika sorted that out, bringing down the Iron Curtain and ending 40 years of suspicion amongst the most dangerous men in the world (did you know for instance that although only one man in the USA could start a nuclear war, only HE could stop it, but in the USSR several men could but several could stop it, you would think it was the other way round. Plus if a “nuclear strike imminent” message was sent to the ballistic missile submarines that the USA operate then they would move into position and, if they could not receive any further communication from the President, then they would launch WITHOUT any further orders).

Sorry, I am rambling (but I hope you are learning something). The whole point is that we need to get out of Iraq as soon as possible. There is no real reason for us to be there anymore. Mr Blair, just pull out.

Five Women, One Kiss And A Head Fuck

Sunday, May 28th, 2006

11 DAYS TO DOWNLOAD

3.30pm. Sunday afternoon.

I didn’t have a hangover this morning. Surprisingly.!!!

Last night was interestingly confusing.

5 women, all with interaction with me. 1 Pub, 1 nightclub. ONE BIG HEAD OF CONFUSION.

Dominion, Angel, Nat singing really well for her birthday. Sarah arriving eventually. We wandered to Hobbits really late (11.20 ish). When I say wandered I mean Sarah and I wandered, with me enticing her into Hobbits, which was surprisingly easy. Had a really great night. Drank four bottles of beer and two aftershocks in under two hours, lost the ability to stand up properly, missed a fight happening literally three feet away from myself and Pouty, lol. So much fun.

So I got dragged outside and got off with someone I shouldn’t have, even more so as her boyfriend was inside (and no it ISN’t Rayray before you think that). Someone else got really jealous because of the amount of women I had around me, I was annoyed with ANOTHER person because of their confusion and attitude towards me PLUS someone was late and didn’t tell me so I was angry at them (briefly) and I realised something was still there last night with someone else which I know I will be regretting thinking about.

I was VERY drunk when I got in, but not so bad that I couldn’t make myself a quick snack before I dozed off texting someone.

At least I don’t have to work tomorrow, and I am meeting up for a drink with a ladyfriend.

Now what have we got to rant about…

Oh yes… well firstly it is not a rant but a congrats to Alonso for a great win in the Monaco Grand Prix. A “you annoying Nazi cunt” to Michael Schumacher for his antics in Qualifying Three yesterday and a “How many people are gonna see your cock” to Red Bull team boss Christen Horner who promised to dive into the swimming pool naked if one of his cars came home on the podium… 5 laps from the end Trulli dropped out heading out of St Devote and Coulthard grabbed a richly deserved 3rd place in his RBR Cosworth. Well done DC.!!!

Secondly, if you read the Evening Post on Saturday there was a big picture of a fat paedophile who is comfortably ensconced in a police safe house in Bristol, within walking distance of 4 schools and OVERLOOKING a nursery.!!!

What in HELL possessed the Police to think that dangling a big wet fish in front of his nose would NOT cause problems.

Going to stop there before I get REALLY heated. Lol.

A Severe Attack Of Face

Saturday, May 27th, 2006

12 DAYS TO DOWNLOAD

How old do I look.? 15 apparently.!!!

Guess who got asked for ID when buying cigarettes last night.!!! That right. ME.!!! You all know how old I am so imagine how surprised I was.!

Twas a reasonable night, although hampered by a distinct feeling of overfullness and sleepyness through the start.

Pizza Hut to start, ten of us, split between two tables. Angel, myself, Pouty and Stew on one and Jim, Giles, Paul, Jade, Chris R and the birthday girl Kitten on the other. We all ate too much except Stew who is even more bottomless stomached than I am.! I rescued a small girl’s bahoon (balloon in Angel language) from the ceiling and the buggers at the big table gave me a rather embarrassing round of applause. Jim did dirty things with an enormous pepper mill too. Then we raced (literally) into town in two cars, got IDed in the Co-Op and then went to Bar 4.

THE most amusing moment of the night occured then…

Sarah asked for something with coke. Laura behind the bar grabbed the soft drinks gun and pressed the Coke button but didn’t notice the lack of nozzle on the end. Coke sprayed out like a sprinkler wetting Sarah, Stew and Angel. I could not stop laughing, until the bar man came up alongside a very apologetic Laura, grabbed the still nozzleless gun and REPEATED THE WHOLE THING, much to my sheer delight. I thought I was going to be sick, it was so funny. The look on Sarah’s face was priceless (the tag had fallen off). It was like an oven upstairs and we all ended up sitting looking hot, snoozy and full.

A brief walk to Phoenix sorted out the sleepiness, although I almost saw my pizza again when my cough pulled one of my stomach muscles.

Hobbits still had a band to go when we arrived but eventually after a VERY camp death metal guitarist, we got to dance. I drank two aftershocks, felt a lot better, Angel pointed out Rayray was there with her boyfriend, I didn’t care, danced some more and entertained Mr Moss with my amusing banter.

I think that will do for now, I shall be back a bit later with photos and more from my mental brain when it warms up to useable temperature.

*****LATE NEWS*****

Well first up some photos from last night… For her birthday I got ELEGANT ANGEL a cigarette holder and new hair falls. Very sexy I am sure you will agree. DANNY and his mate had been shopping in TJ Hughes and appeared wearing these classy outfits :D . KITTEN AND POUTY looked very nice last night, especially the Smurf-esque Kitten with matching drink too.! MY BITCHES and I in Hobbits. More bitches pictures tomorrow when I find some more later, hehe.

I did notice last night, while I was sat outside smoking a fag very slowly, someone was stood talking to his two male friends (random strange teenager). He was moaning about how he could have any girl in Hobbits, to a certain extent and it made me wonder how much like that I am when I am drunker than the average bear. I know I say a LOT of stupid things when I am pissed but 99% of the time I mean them. I KNOW I couldn’t have any woman in Hobbits, but I like to think I could have my fair share (which is certainly not what I want but a nice thought). Do I actually say things like that.? Someone please tell me.!!!

This week Tony “At It Again” Blair suggested a knife amnesty. A bring your own weapon party for those who wish to give up the HUGE blades they habitually carry around. Wow, of all the brilliant ideas he has had over the past nine years, this has got to be the stand out plan.!! Ask a bunch of criminals who really couldn’t give a toss about taking the life of another person, should they get in the way of their personal greed, if they wouldn’t mind dropping in a gert knife to the police station on the way home from a hard day ‘gangsta’ing at the office. In the paper today there was a four article page about four different knifing incidents.! The people MOST likely to give up their weapons are NOT the same citizens that would actually use them against an innocent person.

Sitting here earlier this morning I had a sudden but pleasant flashback to my school days. Does anyone else remember Copydex glue. We used to call it fish glue due to the horrendous odour it contained. No idea why I had this thought, although I used to love covering my hands in white PVA glue then picking it all off in Art lessons. Also, my first year teacher, Mrs Purnell used a very odd almond paste glue that smelt good enough to eat… didn’t stick bugger all but would have been very tasty inside a Bakewell Tart.!!

One Day Off Work

Thursday, May 25th, 2006

14 DAYS TO DOWNLOAD

So I started work at 8.30 ish, saw Rayray, had a chat, arranged cover inside work, paid in some money to the bank and now I am home.! Coughing and spluttering like the poor ill man-whore I am.

For the record, with regard to Hwang’s comment on the previous post, I am in fact NOT after his ass. It is far too hairy for me. I am also well aware that saying that will leave me open to comments but, Angel, if you comment then I will get you back.!! :D .

Sadly I will be unable to head to Dominion tonight. I can’t cope with all that smoke although I DO wanna be there, I also want to be a little better for tomorrow night (Kitten’s Birthday) and Saturday/Sunday (Natalie’s birthday).

I am sure I will be popping on and off here for the rest of the day so expect more bollocks and stuff from Fluffy Bunny.!!

*****11.45am NEWS UPDATE*****

The following update has been translated into German and back into English again….

“Probably I designated the RSPCA over frightened, an examined cat, which on our front fence one sits. They send someone out, in order to save it. I really hope that Rolf Harris is convenient close somewhere. Lol. To be fun should. Now do I have to ask myself, what are for the lunch.? I prefer something soup. Possibly a role. Ampere-hour, please I over around Rayray, seems it, to wish a good role;). “

And the original was…

“Well I have called the RSPCA about the scared, one eyed cat sat on our front fence. They are sending someone out to rescue it. I am really hoping that Rolf Harris is somewhere nearby. Lol. Should be fun.

Now I have to ask myself, what is for lunch.? I favour some soup. Maybe a roll. Ah, I shall ask Rayray, she seems to want a good roll ;) .”

Boy does that sound weird lol.

*****5.19pm NEWS UPDATE*****

Well the cat has gone, the RSPCA came and went with in minutes. Hope the poor little fella is ok.

I have changed my timing on the Download (BABY.!!) counter because we are going two weeks today.!! Woop.!! Tentage ready, sleeping bag, roll mats, torch, something to make me smell nice, clothes, if anyone thinks up something important that I have missed out then let me know.!!!

I was reading something earlier, not unusual for me, considering I tend to absorb useless information like a big sponge, but this was the story of Weston’s newer pier. It was built in 1903/1904. A time when only steam power was used for cranes, etc and manual labour was a big goer for the construction companies.! It took just SEVEN months to construct it from the first ceremonial pile being sunk until the first day of opening. It was built over the winter/spring during high tides and snow.

My point.? Why in HELL can’t we do that anymore. The only thing that tends to get built quickly are houses so that some fat twat who works for Beavis homes (uh huh huhhuhuhuhuhuh, Butthead, that sucks) can buy ANOTHER villa in Spain. The Tropicana has laid fallow since about 1993, Knightstone Island is STILL being done up (into homes for rich bastards) and the old pier is very slowly crumbling into the sea. It took seven months to do all that work, wearing flat caps and little red neck ties. In the same time nowadays the only thing that would get done is that various C(unt)cellors and lawyers would get a lot more money, someone would do a “feasibility study”, which means a man with a clipboard would sit down in an office and throw darts at a piece of paper with YES/NO written on it, oh and some company would be paid £30k to drill “bore holes”.

Can you feel me seething.?

*****8.07pm NEWS UPDATE*****

Would you like to see some photos.? Well I have four to share… they are… SARAH after Stew got at her with a pen, ANGEL doing her impression of Holly from Red Dwarf 8. GILES wearing Angel’s (or as it Lindsay’s, hehehe)hairband and I have saved the best until last… HWANG words cannot express.

Divisible By Zero

Wednesday, May 24th, 2006

15 DAYS TO DOWNLOAD

If the spelling in today’s post is awful it is purely because I am coughing my poor, little heart out. I have been doing this all evening which made eating a Chicken Cinbay with Angel (yes she is allowed out with me now and peace has been declared, lol) a lot harder than ever before. But it was a lovely night and we had a good chat, a nice curry and got thoroughly soaked all the way in between. I did find out that Chris thinks Hwang and I are like “Ant and Dec with more sexual tension”. I still can’t decide if that is a compliment or an insult.!!! :mrgreen:

So in the news today we have casinos being built everywhere.! I found myself siding with the hairy, fanny faced TV horse racing pundit John Mckirick (well I personally don’t care how I spell it).! He pointed out, and quite rightly too, that if people want to gamble then let them. If they get into debt then tough boobies, there is a massive problem with binge drinking but we don’t close all the pubs and clubs.!!! Once again we are seeing people expecting that there is a RIGHT to be looked after when they fuck up their lives instead of a responsibility to do the right thing in the first place and admit that they made a mistake.

Which brings me neatly onto another topic…

Some genius has decreed that those losers of society (IV heroin users, not the Labour party or anyone who works for Jarvis Rail) should have special places where they can shoot up in a clean and safe environment. Shooting Galleries they have been nicnamed.! Why should these people get this special treatment.! Next year if I want to have a smoke in the pub then I will have to get up and go outside unless there is a SEPERATE designated area. STOP GIVING MONEY TO HELP THESE FUCKHEADS, lace a load of rat poison in the next huge batch that customs find and spread it evenly around the country. Boom… problem halved.

How young should kids get their ears pierced… the record.? SIX WEEKS OLD.!! That is just not right.! For 27 years of my life I was totally against piercings so if my parents had had holes punched in my extremeties then I would have been seriously pissed off. These people have NO right to do that with a child that is too young to understand and confirm they want to have it done.! If the child is obviously old enough to cope and understand what is happening and happy with it then fine, but under 8 is too young.!

Interesting to note the Kaiser Chief’s frontman got involved in a hit and run incident. Wonder if he was so angry he started a riot.? Thats my prediction :D .

Two fighters have crashed, one Greek and one Turkish. Both NATO countries and both taking the piss. There has always been a tension between those two, probably time to kick them out of NATO and invade (this part written by George W Bush, probably).

Ok I am ill and going now…!!!

The Training Now Departing

Monday, May 22nd, 2006

Ooooooooh new Government initiative number 4928291/B… When kids reach the age of four and ten, weigh them and then point out to their parents just how fat they are. Big Brother is REALLY taking over.!

But aren’t kids all cute puppy fat at those ages.? I went to school with two girls who were very large but now are extreeeeeeemely attractive size tens, who you would never believe had been that size. Yes, I know the point is that kids ARE getting more and more obese, but surely the emphasis should be on educating the parents and not just merely pointing out the obvious fact that their child now has it’s own postcode and is booked in for a crane (to hoist them out the side of their caravan aged 39) by Jerry Springer.

For all you parents reading this, here are a few tips…
1, If your child is unable to fit through the child gate at the top of the stairs when it is open, then cut it down to 4 boxes of rusks a day
2, For no reason give your kid a MD’s more than once a fortnight. It ISN’T good for you, it WILL eventually make your kid massive and hyperactive. You may like having a rampaging 6 year old running around your feet but us poor sods who work in shops aren’t that impressed when the horrible little shit is sick on our shop floor because he is rammed to the tits with MSG, massive amounts of salt and the entire contents of “Sweets and Things”.!!! And finally
3, Children are not supposed to be able to stop heavily loaded runaway delivery lorries just by lying in front of them.

Apparently this country has lost 400 prisoners (including murderers and armed robbers) from Leyhill Open Prison since 1999. I think we are all sat here asking the same question…

HOW THE HELL DID THEY END UP IN AN OPEN PRISON.!!!

It’s truly criminal. An open prison is NOT a secure environment.! It is by definition, a place where low level offenders (such as tax evaders, people who deface cars with their own bodily waste, that sort of thing) can be plonked. We don’t need a load of psychos round here (Leyhill is near Bristol by the way), as, to be honest, we have enough as it is.!

And now for something completely different….

So I have bought my tent for Download and have already christened it “The Palace of Glittering Delights” (actually i had another name but if I said what that was, then I WOULD have to kill you).!!! It seems easy enough to erect, although Sarah pointed out that it will be harder to do when drunk. As I pointed out, it will only be 2pm when we hopefully arrive so to be drunk by then is a worrying thought.!!

Pizza is almost ready so I shall be in scoffing mode soon…

If you see me walking down the street, and I start to cry….

…DON’T try to sell me a copy of the Big Issue. Byeeeeee.!!!

*****LATE NEWS*****

I instantly forgot to mention something, my title today. Borrowed it from a 1980’s show all about the death of steam on British Railways. Always remember watching it on a Sunday night with my Dad. Very poigniant image of a 4F (I think), LMS loco fading gradually into nothingness and revealing the disused and abandoned track bed left behind. Always brings a sad smile to my face when ever I see it. Stupid, some people may say but it is true.

People (yes, mainly men I guess, but, maybe it is our more mechanical minds) get attached to that sort of thing. I remember the hair rising on the back of my neck when I saw the Avro Vulcan on it’s last fly past (actually I can’t watch XH558, the story of the final flight of this amazing plane simply because it sends me to near tears). When the Deltics bowed out on the East Coast Main Line (to be replaced with the High Speed Train back in 1982) one guy was seen to drop to his knees on the end of a Kings Cross’ platform and sob his heart out.

As I have mentioned before, Concorde flew past my town on her final flight and that was a truly amazing sight that I will never forget. A day when we went back to NOT having a supersonic air liner in the whole world.! Thanks British Airways.!

Oh and the training thing.? I had to stay until 8.30pm tonight doing staff training. At least I got paid for it.!

Identify Yourself…… Yes, That’s Me.!!!

Sunday, May 21st, 2006

11.15am. Auf Wiedersehen Pet on the TV, my phone receiving a message from Pouty 45 minutes after it was sent and my stomach is DEMANDING food to follow on from my chip supper at quarter to three this morning.

What an evening. Met Pouty at Tescos to begin with, wandered to Dominion and were acosted by Angel and other half who joined us for a short while. Then in wandered Nat and Merv and off wandered my credit card and Pouty.! Lol. Stew was in Bridgy and needed a taxi back, but it had to be prepaid etc etc. I was reminded of certain stupid things Pouty had said on Tuesday while drunk including “I am taking bollocks, but not talking ABOUT bollocks”. She began to top that classy line with “I like people watching me” before stopping and realising. We had a bit of a laugh and then headed to Phoenix in Jim’s Meat-tray where the music was not bad, the air was sodding cold and the VK £2 still. I was still sober by this time due to drinking bottles not pints for a change in Dominion but still managed to get caught out with the line “Everything looks bigger when you are drunk” (again I suffer at Sarah’s hands).!!

Then Hobbits. Boy was it quiet to begin with.! Felt like a Tuesday night not a Saturday. I had a chat with Rayray’s on again off again boyfriend (why in hell did I bother with her, it so pathetic) and a great time taking more and more photos of me with every single person who goes to Hobbits (If I have missed you out and want to join in then please come find me one night).! Sarah and Stew left about 1am ish and I spent the last two hours outside, apart from a brief interlude where I wandered back in, tasted my warm beer, felt the intensely muggy, wet heat inside and dived out the door again. I was accompanied by Nat and someone new who we shall call Lemony :D . She walked with me to get food and then we cuddled up on the stage outside waiting for my taxi. Really enjoyed it. ;) .

I did notice something while I was (not) enjoying a bottle of Brahma beer (don’t ask.!). I was watching Matt air guitaring to something and it made me realise just how much detail I don’t notice when I am drunk in Hobbits. Little things pass me by, so I started taking notice… GayDan’s gun necklace, buttons all over the floor, Charmian’s belt, Burge and his drunken antics, all little things that quite often pass me by.

While sat at the beginning of the Hobbits portion last night, Jade received a text message saying that Lordi from Finland had won EuroVision.! Finally, a decent band wins this awfully camp and usually very fixed event. We came nowhere as usual due mainly to the pathetic song we entered.! A 40 year old ex con singing about being in school.! School girl dressed dancers.? Really.??? Like THAT wasn’t an attempt to sway the trousers of all the judges around Europe. I did request a Lordi song to celebrate but sadly there were none lying around. Oh well. Congratulations you scary Scandinavians.! You have made EuroVision good. Ish.

I see the McCartneys are breaking up. Paul and Heather have decided to go their own ways. One question that I was curious about, how do they work out who gets half of her shoe collection.??

As usual the whole illegal immigrant saga continues apace with Labour going “the Tories did this”, the Tories replying “you fucked it up Blair” and the Lib Dems standing at the back, jumping in the air shouting “Vote for us, someone. Please.!??!” For some unfathomable reason Blair STILL thinks that once the new database to track illegals comes into use alongside ID cards there will no longer be any aliens coming to this country untraced.

WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON YOU SMILEY FACED, ANNOYINGLY CHEERFUL CUNT.!!!??? When some one crosses the channel tied to the side of a P&O ferry, sneaks past customs and is later found dead on Morecombe beach surround by shellfish, it is VERY unlikely they will find him equipped with “Ze Correct Paperz mein Furher”. Why should he.? How on earth will he be issued with an ID card if no one knows he is here.? Without using millimeter band radar to track every single moving human being in the UK and then stuffing a GPS transmitter up their jacksies there is simply NO way to try and find or follow people who wish to enter illegally.

All you can do is round ‘em up and send ‘em back to where they came from. It takes time and money but given enough it is possible to control it. Either that or we copy the Americans in one of two ways. One, we use our army (the USA have used their National Guard to patrol the border with Mexico, so sombreros with 5.56mm bullet holes in them). Or Two, we do the very American thing of feeding all the small children in this country on a diet of deep fried chicken, chips, compost and shit. Then we stand them side by side around the border and NO immigrant will be able to find a way past that massive line of blubber.

And finally today (for the moment), we have the Government’s new initiative to produce more power for when the world runs out of resources. Apparently when all the ice melts over the North Pole, vast oil reserves will be uncovered. Genius. So we can then ensure ALL the worlds ice disappears. Every one is staking a claim for it. Even Denmark.! Must be to keep up the energy reserves for all that porn production.

Blair wants more “renewable energy” which is always a nice idea but never very practical. It is one thing to stick a barrier across the Severn but you are basically sodding up the local environment to stop sodding up the environment, talk about no win.! There is only one real way to work through this and that is nuclear energy, but properly controlled. For heavens sake don’t let the Russians near anything glowy and warm or we will be picking bits of reactor out of our hair for years to come.!!

I have rambled on enough, enjoy your day and as always…

…Stay Moist ;) .

*****LATE NEWS*****

Yes, I am at it already.! Sexy Dave (or Skater Dave depending on where you know him from) asked me to define his dancing style. His desire for a one word answer was impossible so he got this…

“A frantic medley of unchoreographed, dynamic movement combining the use of the strutting technique, the ability to be in three places at once and a marvellous amount of campness”

I hope we all agree on that.!

And yesterday I posted one of those “ten anonymous statements” about people. I will repost them here for those of you who don’t access myspace…

1, If only you knew how good it could be if you changed one thing about your body.

2, Sometimes I just want to hit you as hard as I can in the centre of your face. Other times I want to just hurt you a lot.

3, You seem true, but everything you do has a hidden motive I feel. If you stopped the facade then you might be more fun to be with.

4, The way you treat people makes me sick, if you weren’t so close to me I would tell you to fuck yourself sideways.

5, One day I will stand next to your grave and I will laugh. I will break your headstone in to tiny pieces and let carrion crows rip your greying corpse apart.

6, It could have been so amazing, you and me, but the timing was wrong, the people were wrong and too much was going on.

7, You still have the strongest power over me. I am still in love with you. In a few weeks time we will be together again.

8, You are such a nice person, you should be with someone. You deserve it.

9, I love you as a dear friend but sometimes you drive me right round the fucking twist.!

10, Despite all the time we have been apart, I would still take you back tomorrow if it would be the same as it was. Forsaking most others over you, because when I see you my heart still skips a beat and my mouth goes dry. We may be different people now but we are still the same lovers.

The B-Team Reunion

Saturday, May 20th, 2006

Was it just me or was the idea of reuniting the A-Team just a little pointless. It is not like M*A*S*H where the show ran for ten years and there was a constant list of cast changes, it was four people who did the same thing all the time. Now for the reunion, Face didn’t turn up and Hannibal is, well, a little on the dead side. So why in hell bother.!!??

Nice to see that the European Union have got their thumbs out of their VERY ugly, fat, overpaid arses and decided to pass a new law which states that church organs fitted from now are not allowed to use lead in their construction. What is the point of that.? In case children get poisoning from it maybe.? When was the last time you watched a child lick a massive organ (bloody hell, now THERE is a sentence to get me 5 years in prison and an invitation to sign the sex offenders register every week).!! Now here is a good idea, how about instead of buggering around annoying the minorities like people who want church organs fitted with lead in the pipes or pissing around with their massive salaries, why not actually do something useful for the world. Bringing down the US of sodding A’s ego maybe, sorting out the whole global warming thing. There is plenty to choose from.

On the subject of global warming, let’s talk water. Or a lack of it…

So every winter the bottom right bit of this glorious nation suddenly becomes awash and, unlike the rest of the year, it isn’t with illegal immigrants. Kent and East Surrey are ripe for the whole floodarama thing, pretty soon, so will the rest of us (again I am blaming America for this). But this year they have a drought order slapped on them already.! And why.? Because all their water has buggered off. Goodness knows where it has gone (although I can imagine most of it is on the shelves of their local supermarkets with Evian or Volvic splashed across it). Now how can we solve this problem then.? How about turning the whole of Essex into a reservoir.? Don’t tell any of the people living there though… they might escape.!!

Big (why) B(r)other (no mis-spelling there) has started again on Channel 4. Must be nice for Davina to be presenting a show where she actually has viewers, unlike her dire chat show.! Could anyone see the “I know, let’s get a tourettes syndrome guy in here, that will sparkle it up a bit” thing coming.? When I heard I was not even slightly surprised, but they have done it purely for the wrong reasons, of that I am very sure. Every disabled group around the country must have been thinking “they never have any one with a disability, that is so unfair” but now, they are probably thinking “talk about exploitation”.! It is shameful the way that they have obviously put some poor bugger (who applied for the show off his own back but got picked DUE to his disability not in spite of it) in a tight, unknown community, in close proximity to other people, where he has no escape and then film it all.!!

I’ll tell you what, I live on a main road. I will set up a webcam so the next time there is a fatal accident outside I can show it on here and get more hits…

po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to.

For some unknown reason the screen on my lovely 6680 has very slightly moved, so if any one sees me texting with a ricked neck, that is the reason. I would take it apart and rattle it back into place but I can’t be arsed. As usual.

Right bath time for this sweaty Bunny. Been sat on my arse all day in a warm room so I am sure I smell delightful. See you all soon.!

For Fuck Sake, DUCK…

Monday, May 15th, 2006

*****Personal Rant Warning*****

Right, stop it. Let it be and get off my fucking back. You have hurt me enough and I don’t care anymore.

So I treat someone else with more respect than when I first met you.? Well I saw a spark in her that I didn’t see in you, same as you did with your new, ahem, man instead of me. Today you have wound me up so fucking much that I came VERY close to doing something to hurt you more than you ever have before. A little payback, but I managed to resist the temptation.

When I am happy then be happy for me. When you say you don’t want me then fine, I will believe you, but when you then react badly when I tell you something about someone new in my life then fucking put up with it and take it. You didn’t want me so you have no right to be pissed with me for telling you stuff about other people in my life. You say you still have strong feelings for me, but then tell me that nothing is there really.

Stop changing your FUCKING mind and let me get on with my life and be your friend and nothing more. And tell Penfold that as well.