It has been pointed out to me by Mr David, that my quote about him and the mirror wasn’t completely correct… the actual interchange of information between him and said mirror man was in fact this…

Mr David – “Did she whinge much about it.?”
Mirror Man “She has just had brain surgery and to be honest hasn’t said much since.!”

This may get edited at some point as I get once again reminded of the proper wording but you get the vague idea.

Oh it has been so wintery and cold and wet today. I am loving every minute. Does mean I get wet when I go out for a smoke though but it is certainly worth it to not be sitting here sweating heartily and constantly rubbing talc into my lower portions… (why am I now singing a Victoria Wood song in my head.??).

I am getting hungry sitting here, having last night eaten both an entire pizza and garlic bread all to myself, maybe I am in need of filling up again. Thereby hangs a tail lol.

I know I am rambling again so I shall sign off with three little words that every man hates hearing…

“Bend over please.”

---

*****LATE NEWS*****
Forgot to add this earlier. Just wanted to say thank you to the person who managed to hit my site witht the search string “long cock”. Finally, recognition.!

Actually I am not blue, I am green. A friends throat is playing up again and I have been reminded of the not niceness I was faced when she showed me the last time. Yikes.!

I have had a nice easy day. Suppose I should do some work tomorrow and then make sure the rest of the week is easy again .

Been shopping again, I have. Brought a lamp that changes colour (although the image on the box is of it when it is pink and considering said lamp is about 18 inches long, trying to explain why you wanna buy a long, pink lamp for no reason other than “it’s a nice bit of tat” is likely to get me signed up for a copy of Cottaging Monthly. And no, that is not the title of the magazine for small farmhouse owners, it means “to have some fun in a public lav with a man called Jeremy and a big tub of Swarfega”). But it is currently residing on my desk and providing me with a little amusement… although not as much amusement as the photo of a certain friend of mine, engaging in a little deep throat action with a bottle of VK Blue, which I have been threatened with severe harm should it be posted here… , tempting.

Did mean to post yesterday but got side tracked and am now late to annouce…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PICHU.!!!!!!

Done that.? *ticks box* Good.

Ooooh and there is a new myspace place set up for the Hobbits lovers amongst you the link is HERE, go and say hi and join in

Got to run… stop that pudding..!!! Its miiiiiiineeeeeeeee.!

For those of you who are expecting a rant about last night then I am afraid you are going to be sorely disappointed. I am not going to say anything about said “incidents” more than “Piss off you little meddling retard”. There, done.

Another odd night in Hobbits beckoned me last night. Out a little late due to people working, hit the same pubs as Friday almost, but I was more sober when we left Phoenix earlier (11.30pm). Told you we would be in Hobbits earlier :D:D. Luckily as we walked in, the bands ended, wooohoo. Short delay while they cleared the stage in record time, then twas dance and dance some more. Without going deeper into other things I cannot say much more…..

….Except for that new person I was on about, who I shall call Ariel by virtue of the amazingly tight PVC skirt she was wearing that gave the impression of a sexy mermaid, but with much nicer perfume . She was led across the dance floor by Mr David and gave me a very nice hug. To quote a friend, Amazing.:mrgreen:

And step forward lady number two, without her ragdoll hair in last night, who looked stunning but is always very aloof around me. Not sure what to make of that, but I shall keep you posted .

Lastly I want to say thank you to someone, Hally, for calming me down, thanks sweety.xx

Right, A1GP and F1 races today, if you want me then I shall be shouting at a TV screen and reciting endless quantities of Formula One statistics from the last 30 years while eating Asparagus soup and juggling lemons…

OOooooooh and while you are at it, try the game that a very lovely friend pointed out to me on the net yesterday… Take ANY film title, actually we were doing song titles too, and replace one word with the word penis, or similar… we spent about three hours doing this last night and came up with some corkers such as Four Weddings and a Penis, Lord of the Penis, The Two Towers, Fried Green Penis at the Whistle Stop Cafe, U2’s Penis Bloody Penis and Three Men and a Little Penis (actually that started off as Three Penises and a Baby lol).

---

*****LATE NEWS*****
Actually I have decided that last night actually did not happen. I was not out in Hobbits last night with my usual bunch of close friends. If you are one of my wider range of friends then I was out with you instead. I had a great night with you all.

… depends on how hard you throw it at the wall.

Its Saturday and I have woken up with the WORST hangover I have had in a long time. My head was not impressed. Otherwise I am ok and looking forward to having fun tonight, meeting “insert nickname here when I make one up” and seeing what happens.

Last night was almost as odd as last weekend. What with a split in the group, people being ill, me noticing it was 11.25pm (and then someone pointing out it was 12.25am) when stood on the balcony of Phoenix bar, and my shopkeeper friend actually came to Hobbits with us, which was delightful.

Tonight I am intending on going to Hobbits a lot earlier than last night. The bands may be on, or not, we shall wait and see. At least I got a dance in to the Killers last night, but as I say, it felt odd.

I am sitting here watching Teachers, drinking coke, with candles burning away, relaxing nicely (for relaxing read falling asleep in chair).

Time to snooze …zzzzzzzzz

Actually, todays entry doesn’t involve me at all. It is simply a tale from the day, a daytale if you will (or won’t, not up to you is it. Fool).

A “certain esteemed collegue” of mine was beavering away on a till earlier, quite enjoying himself. Man appears at counter to return a mirror. Pretty simple you may think, but then you are expecting something silly to happen, and happen it did. You see, my collegue sometimes gets himself in situations which he doesn’t mean to, see last Friday’s incident involving half undressed me, the condoms and our sales manager.! So man says “he doesn’t want the mirror” because it “is not an appropriate gift says the wife.” “Did she whinge about it.?” asks my good buddy. “No, just she has had brain surgery and can’t use it properly.”

Can you feel the cringing that occured there. Even I felt it when the story was passed on. We both know it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know, but that is the thing about comedy, it may not seem funny at that precise moment, but later on, the amusement surfaces…

Just remember, Pain + Time = Laughter.

Ahhhhh, sausages in gravy. Resting comfortably, they are. .

Today, Matthew, I have been Duty Manager. Holder of power, wearer of special badge and pincher of arses (ok that last bit I don’t do for fear of a lawsuit but I can think it can’t I.?). Was a pretty standard day otherwise, bus to work, work, go home from work, eat. Yes indeed, very normal.

My new CD’s have arrived, FONY, the band I saw and loved on Saturday, are the albums I have purchased. I shall review them very soon I am sure.

Just think, tomorrow is the middle of the week already. Doesn’t it fly by when you are having to read this old ghumpf everyday… just imagine having to write it.!

I am a little mislead with my thinkings today, randomness has crept in again thanks to my friend PVC who phoned me as I typed the first line. Throw me totally out of whack and has left me somewhat scrambled brain wise. If my cerebral(edited to correct spelling and to prevent people thinking I am a complete spaz – FB) cortex was a pile of bacon smoky, cooked until beautifully crispy… mmmmm… damn it, hungry again now lol) then the rest of my bonce would be stuffed full of a soft fluffy eggy mess.

Right enough of that, time to go do something else.

Oh and if you were the woman who was cycling down Milton Road on the way home from town earlier, the one with the bottom that was LITERALLY forcing cars to the opposite side of the road (while wearing lycra 8O), pleeeease go down the cycle track next time. It really was not pretty.!

Yawwwwwwwwwn, I started work at 7.15 this morning, but my body decided to wake up at 6am. Dammit. I hate that, means I didn’t have enough time to go back to sleep really before I had to be up.

Well at least I got to finish at 3pm. Not so bad I suppose. Nice and easy day too thanks to a meeting in which I sat for 90 minutes, finding most of the delivery finished by the time I returned . Lovely.

The magpies are frolicing in the trees outside, looks very autumnal out there, excellent. I am nice and cosy sitting here by my heater.

Smoke alarm is going off now. I guess I better go and give it a waft, disperse the fumes. Thats the last time I eat sprouts mexicana

Yummy, just finished a delicious pizza courtesy of my favourite pizza delivery service, with chips and gherkin (well it is Sunday and after the roast I always need something to finish the day off ).

Been looking, once again, at my stats page and the search string of the week is “Arse Spanking Slags”.! Not much else I can add to that.!

Been a great day of Touring Car again with four races for me to watch. wooohooo.

Not bad night out last night. Got to Hobbits and hit the dance floor, then after one song got drink, then ran out of toilets at my friend’s behest when Killswitch came on (Last Serenade and I didn’t recognise it), and stayed there for another 7 songs, sweating so much I lost a pound in weight and four fags lol.

What an interesting night.

Just got in from a little trip to town to help someone (female) find an outfit (near impossible lol) that she liked for tonight.

Last night was at least odd at most totally effing bizarre. Hit places we don’t normally hit (Riley’s pool club , Elements (hmmm having seen the size of some of the girls in there should be Elephants really)8O). Few fallings out between people that I won’t dwell on, and my memory let me down again which didn’t help. I left Hobbits at 1am after seeing one of the BEST bands I have ever seen in Hobbits. I was a bit late to see all their set but what I did see really sounded amazing, as good if not better than Caffeine Kill. They were called Fony, please go visit there website FONY, and have a listen to their sounds. I promise it will make you want more.

Another night beckons in five hours time so I better be getting ready…. just kidding, I am not THAT much of a woman, I am off to play the classic Mario Kart on my SNES.

Do Not Disturb (unless you are cute, sexy and are willing to expose your body parts to me later on tonight).

---

*****LATE NEWS*****
On the referers board today we have “Drunk Mary” and “Hairy Arsed Builders”, now THAT a night in for someone lol.

Oh and we all had our photo taken last night for countynightlife.co.uk, check the photo out HERE.

Not much time to spare on here tonight, but I HAD to relay this amusing incident at work earlier….

Imagine the scene…

David is in the cloakroom getting changed for home. In runs Ian who is halfway through shutting down the system and needs to change while it goes through some routines. David and Ian are discussing things when David announces that he has lots of free condoms and would Ian like any. As they are talking, the “non under-wear wearing” Ian is changing. He gets his trousers juuuust past his butt cheeks as Dave holds out a wodge of Jonnies and that is the scene that is presented to the sales manager as he opens the door. David with condoms in hand and Ian sans trousers.

Comments please.?