Thankfully my internet connection has returned.!! Having a thunderstorm really seems to piss off the exchange but as far as I can tell everything is back to normal… Hello by the way.

Been on a course in Taunton today all about taking on our Christmas Temps (corporate translation Christmas Stars, Fluffy Bunny translation Christmas Mingers ). Was a reasonably easy day. Nothing tooooo bad. Except they didn’t lay on lunch they gave us £3 each and sent us to MD’s or KFC (yes I went for the chicken not the hideously cooked burgers).! Anywho, as we left and m’collegue nipped into the shop next door for what seemed like about 4 hours, I stood outside watching the start of a very impressive thunderstorm. A few big flashes and cloud to cloud forks, then, when we went into the pub to take a short cut and get a coke (so hooooooot and muggy today) it started raining like it was 1999.! Listening and watching the occasional flash, bang, wallop, we sat in there til it had almost stopped raining and were lucky enough to follow the storm all the way up to Highbridge where it blew itself off towards Yeovil sort of distance.

Had to stop in MD’s in Weston for a MacPiss and Lies before getting home to find our phone line was “as the dodo” and I had to spend two hours doing nothing except eating and watching TV. But then, at the end of The Good Life, it suddenly came alive once again. So pleased I can write all this bollocks down for you.!

I am off to decide what to have for supper now. Almost the weekend again.

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

ps. Oh and if you are the chavvy twat who punched my mate in the face then I hope you come to a horrible end… moving to America would be a good start.!

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*****LATE NEWS*****
Forgot to mention that I have my lovely stats page back… HUUUGE thank yous to Hwang for that. I only requested it yesterday. There were a couple of links from search engines to my site, one with the word “bastards” used, the other requesting info on Moaz Falafel.. but it was the last one that made me wonder… it was a search for “Photos of ugly monkies”. Errrrrm, why specifically ugly ones.???

Well I have finally made it. Hmmm, I shouldn’t count my chickens I suppose (hang on, I don’t have any so does that mean I HAVE counted them or I haven’t, answers on a postcard to the usual address). I had a call this morning from a reporter from the Mercury, re an email I sent them last night (long story, won’t bore you with the details). But now they want to use my quotes as part of a main story about the said happening. Watch Friday’s edition for my pithy quotes (one chicken, two chicken).

Boy has it been stonkingly hot out there today. I had melted at one point but a bottle of cherry coke soon brought me back from the brink of total meltdown and i was able to carry on. Oh and getting my lovely lily white legs out in a pair of fetching shorts did the job too, despite the usual jokes about two bits of string hanging from them.

I think my chilli plant has had it . It is looking rather forlorn and brown despite the correct conditions and watering schedule. Still got green bits and red chillis on it but, well, not much. Have to create a large curry and use them in that I guess lol.

Time to lie back and enjoy sitting here in the sun (damn no sarcasticly raised eyebrow smiley. How am I supposed to put forward my hatred of hot weather, especially with the sun pouring in and my nuts sweating.??).

Ladies and Gentlemen, Fluffy Bunny has now… left the building.

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*****LATE NEWS*****

Less of a late news item, more of a interesting thought. In the programme I was watching, someone got blown up by an IRA bomb (this was 1982 I think) and he was described as a “Bomb Disposal Expert”. Now wait a moment. If he was blown up by the device then he couldn’t have been very expert right.? More to the point are you telling me that there are “Bomb Disposal Amateurs” going around the country with little books from Ladybird called “My First Defusing Mission”, or would the amateur versions be slightly over hairy 45 year old mother of three’s from Hertfordshire called Cindy, defusing things wearing only a slight hint of cotton and a whiff of a bra, holding a pair of pliers sexily between her teeth while dripping batter onto the detonator from what can only be described as a fanny like a plumbers tool bag.?

This is only a very quick one… unusual for me I know but I just wanted to ask if anyone remembers a cartoon series from (I think) BBC 1 about 1990 ish, called The Biscuits, about a group of dogs who lived in a castle (one was a girl and she wore like a pink 13th century style dress maybe with big veils over her ears). Just let me know if any of you people do. I would be really grateful… and liberal with my favours

Crackers time now.!

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FOUND IT.!!!!

Thanks to my delightfully tasty friend Trixy, I have no managed to find the programme. It is called the Biskitts by Hanna Barbera. So Happy.:D

I know it wasn’t shockingly hot last night, but it was certainly hot enough in Hobbits to make sure I was on the verge of passing out, before you say it, yes I was dancing like a contempory version of Black and Black Minstrels show, but that isn’t the point. Found I am certainly NOT immune to alcohol the night after having got drunk. No wonder my head is a little spinny right now.

Vision has reopened at last and my friends decided to go there last night to enjoy a taste of a brand new club… I was totally unsurprised when they reappeared in Hobbits a lot quicker than expected and told tales of a smaller dance floor, the toilets being unrefitted, a new floor being the only real change along with some windows, the music is the same old shite (R ‘n’ B in one bar and cheese all over the rest of the place – my opinion not that of the person who went there), oh and a fight broke out in the 30 minutes they were there. Like Madison’s it is certainly a case of “You can change the decor but not the people. I sometimes love to say “I told you so”. Hehehe.

I have spent the day enjoying a Touring Car frenzy. Three British Touring races, two World Touring car and one DTM German Touring race have filled up my Sunday to the extent of only having an hour without motor racing on hehe. To be honest that hour featured something about the Nazis and that Bug Attack programme with the Japanese Giant Hornets (Vespa mandarinia) so it wasn’t like I had time to relax and not watch anything .

Lots of boy racers around here last night and today to converge on the Weston Wheels event on the old airfield. Nice to see that they have somewhere to go, but please, boys (and girls) get a fucking life… driving around town all the night is just the most pointless thing ever.! You might as well stick a big bore exhaust and a huge wing on the back of a Rover 400 and act like a twat….. hang on, why does that seem familiar. Hmmmmm. Did hear from my taxi driver that there was a little group of guys going round, two in a black BMW, two on mopeds and one on roller blades(!) who were all driving, if that is the word to use, around Weston. Words cannot express.!

I discovered something earlier… I love music. Sounds like a pretty normal thing and something that most people would have believed I did any way, but I am thinking much deeper than that. I mean to say I am in love with music… here we go…

I was watching Dare by the Gorillaz on Sky earlier and it struck me how much the actual sound of music (when it is done right) makes me feel good. Then I thought back to last night and how fulfilled I was feeling while dancing to various tracks like AudioSlave and the Bravery. I guess it is a mixture of adrenalin and endorphins that make you feel that way, but just the thought of a world without my music makes me shudder with shock. If there was one thing in my life as important as being loved by another person then it is listening to a well composed track, no matter what the genre, that infiltrates my higher senses and starts off the whole chemical reaction thing in my brain. I get a high off it in the same way most drug addicts get when stuffing coke up their nose. It is a very deep personal feeling but something I am sure others feel.

Rambling on again aren’t I.? Oh well back to the Touring Car from a very wet Knockhill in Scotland. Roast for tea and maybe pizza later

Bing Bong…. Avon calling… (should that be Somerset calling now.?)

Last night I was introduced to a Monkey. That is to say that I met Monkey from the Hobbits forum. Nice when you are recognised isn’t it. Just got to get one of tATu to recognise me now and I will be well on my way to paradise.

Had bit of a dance and a laugh last night. I remember closing my eyes a lot so I must have been quite drunk. It was a habit I had been trying very hard to lose after the Kieth/my nose incident, but I lapsed back into it last night for some odd reason.

Big hellos to Anne, and her very drunk friend who I think was called Janet. Don’t quote me on that. Good job I had a belt on because, at Hwangs behest, she kept tugging on the bottom of my trousers (I was sat above her) and it would have been a hell of a shock for my trews to have decided and her to find herself at eye level with my cobblers.

Not much else has been going on. People have been loving the green nail varnish, and I think it looks great too. My new trousers have arrived, and so has my credit card bill, damn them. Taking and giving with the same postman’s hand.

*Incoming rant…. take cover*

Well done to the Mum and Dad of 11 kids who are getting kicked out of their council house because they don’t pay the £50 a week rent. They apparently “can’t” afford it even though their benefits top £1000 a week.!!! Oh and she has her ciggys so it is ok… and by the way, neither of them work because she looks after the kids and he is “depressed” (not fucking surprised). I suggest moving to a Paris apartment block with bad fire exits.

And a HUGE “classic stereotype and obvious excuse” award to the mother of the retard caught with a gun in the middle of a suburban town (where are the Met and their big guns when you need em).! He is just a naughty boy, because he has ADHD. Lets face it people, ADHD is NOT real. It is a very bad excuse made up by parents who have no control over their badly undisciplined kids. Once again for those who haven’t heard my catchphrase…. “TAKE RESPONSIBILITY YOU BASTARDS”..

Grrrr people. They get me down. I am off to play Sudden Strike now. See you all later.!

Why is it then when a customer is presented with an automatic machine to take their money via a credit card, their first reaction is to instantly shove what ever card they are holding into the first slot they come to. In the past three days I have had to rescue three cards from the same machine because people just wander on up and slap a card into it with out a seconds thought. Fuck knows how these people cope with letter boxes, they must keep accidentally shoving all manner of crap through every slit shaped orifce they see.! Truly mad. Wouldn’t like to bend down in front of one of these people if I was a woman.! Next thing you know… WOOOOOF, a Switch card and a set of keys stuffed up your chuff. Honestly, some people.!

Oh hello by the way, bear with me, I am not quite done yet…

And why is it that EVERY person standing in our very busy shop today, looked like someone had just mown their kids down with a Combine Harvester. Cheer up you miserable sods. I was happy enough though, standing on the right side of the counter grinning at grumpy pensioners and smack heads alike.

As you can tell I have had a wonderful day at work. Actually despite having no staff and a big delivery (724 pounds 3 ounces, mother and stock doing fine) I am still in a rather joyous mood. Probably because I have no work for three days and a night out tonight and tomorrow to enjoy. The green nail varnish is on and looking very good I think. Still no sodding eyeliner, beginning to think that the Superdrug staff might have eaten them all (diets are diets I guess, hmmmmm, I am hungry ).

I am off to Hartlepool now to buy some exploding trousers so I shall bid you all farewell and a nice weekend/bank holiday.

ps… if you happen to spot a sponging, hook handed muslim cleric going by the name of Abu Hamza then make sure you DON’T miss him with your car.

Enjoy.!!!

Fantastic cloud formations above the hill tonight. Sitting here it really looks like a HUGE fire somewhere has pumped a load of smoke along the skyline. I would take a photo but I haven’t got round to buying any more films yet. Typical me I guess.

What a day. At least I wasn’t pulling in a wet delivery again. Hmmm, puts me at opposite ends of the same scale as a mid-wife I guess. Two deliveries, both wet but I pull mine in, she pulls her’s out, so to speak.

I am caught in the ponderings of what to have for supper and I have to say the chinese option is very tempting. And to think I have just had tea with dessert but two hours ago lol.

*sings* “I predict a diet.. I predict a diet.!!”

I won’t babble on today (apart from wanting to complain because I am sure someone has swapped the colon and apostrophe keys around on my keyboard and not told me.!). Got things to be doing. Well, not really, but it is nice to look busy. Did notice that I had over 350 hits on this site in the last 24 hours, which strikes me as odd. Not that I am complaining on that score of course. When I start getting the really large hits then I can start marketing myself as a male escort (pah more like a male Ferrari I hear you cry in amazement) or maybe selling my own line of sex toys. Imagine it “Stitching Bastards present… the Randy Rodent Vibrator, 7.5 inches long, covered in fur and with huge ears to tickle your fancy as well as your flaps.! Ooooh matron.

Well the sky has turned an ominous grey (yes grey, not GRAY, that is a silly american spelling) and it looks like it might chuck it down any second. If I want my chinese to arrive in the dry I better order soon.!

Plawn Clackers indeed.!!

Shall I start with the rant today.? No better not, because I know at least one young lady who reads my words stops when I start getting political and scan reads the rest lol. THAT coming from someone who enjoys the delights of the public services. Tch honestly. (Just kidding hunny. I love you really ).

Just eating crackers and cheese and some delightfully crinkly crisps for supper while sat here. Quite a good day today although my back is killing me still and this seating position isn’t helping lol.

My new nail varnish has arrived (along with a pair of trousers that are meant to be black but are blue, dammit. Returns, returns.!). It is a lovely dark glittery green and I am sure it will go very well with my usual outfits on Friday night . Also turning up today was a new video from the mid 1990’s, The Imaginatively Titled Punt And Dennis Show”. At last, proper humour. From world of wine “I love you… but you… you poured it on a fish.!” to Gossard wonderpants “They gather you in and push you out, giving you support where you need it, and considerable pain where you don’t.” Brilliant.

Wanted to say a BIG hi to Bluey (not my old phone or one of the trains on my years gone model railway lol) but a certain someone with a very good line in blue hair and a very pretty face. Hey you.

So why secrets as a title line. Well I found out earlier I have a certain admirer of the secret kind. This has left me grinning like a fool all day. Again. I am so easily pleased it is criminal. I am pretty sure it wouldn’t work out but it is always nice to know someone likes you. Makes you feel better and of course more confident… but pride comes before a fall so I expect I will be told to piss off sooner or later by someone for not making a decision quick enough.

Oh and that rant… Tony Blair didn’t want any one to know he was on holiday in Barbados. Big deal. It isn’t like he is going to get asassinated is it.? It is the little people getting shot to shit by shrapnel in tube trains and buses, attacked in the street by groups of kids high on white cider and us tax payers who have to watch people coming from places like Pakistan for asylum “because they are avoiding an abusive relationship” move town not flipping country and why come to the UK.?? Its easy to send em back Tony, bung em in a second hand B-52 and drop em over Paris. No one is going to shoot you Tony because, like George Bush, you are too well protected and who really would give a toss.

Breeeeathe.!

Bright and early I was dragged from my pit of sleepy dreams this morning. 6.45am is not a time that anyone should be active at (except slappers that have 14 kids to get to school, all of them called Chantelle, but distiguished by their differing surnames ). Its even worse when you are ill and have had no sleep (audience: awwwwwwwwww).

Bouncing (yeh right) into work in the pissing rain just brightened my already not great mood no end, and a lack lustre bacon sarnie didn’t help. Damn I was in a funk. But I skipped out at 2.15pm and wandered home so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

My good friend Hwang completed his first aid course yesterday, meaning he is now a qualified first aider… hmmmm… to me that is like being trapped in a snowdrift and finding the dog coming towards you with a barrel of brandy round it’s neck is a Rottweiler . He will be a great first aider really I am sure, just have to get him out of the desire to wear a nurses outfit as well.

STILL Superdrug have no black Miss Sporty eyeliner pencils, damn them. One of their best selling lines and they have nowt (says the guy who works for a company who sells christmas trimmings in July and deckchairs in January.

Oh and a little rant to end… the world taxidermy finals are being wowed over in the US of A (that glorious country that brought us Burger King, Microsoft and the Sports Utility Vehicle for every f*cking woman who wants to drive her spindly little sickly child the eight metres to school). One of the entrants is a nine year old girl who went out and shot a deer just so she could enter… why do I think it would be just as fair for someone to go out and hunt her down and stuff her. Unbelievable.!

Might have a curry later… see if I can knock this thing out of my head.!

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*****LATE NEWS*****

I have been reading Hitler’s diaries… here is a quick excerpt…

September 21st 1939…
Saw Goebbels today, had a bit of a laugh and a barbeque. Goring popped in and the fat bastard ate all the chicken legs. Tch. Must remember to collect dry cleaning tomorrow. Oh and invade Poland.

Dammit. Stupid dust allergy. Stupid unclean warehouse. Stupid me for blowing the dust off a hoover box and then working in the inevitable cloud of dust *sniffs*. I have a blocked nose, head that’s been inflated I am sure and I can’t taste anything again.

Going out smoking, drinking and dancing a lot last night probably wasn’t the best thing I really could have done was it.? Lots of amusement within the walls of Phoenix, with a guy who couldn’t get in stripping down to his shorts on the beach lawns and some guy mooning a little earlier managed to pick the moment when two coppers were wandering past. Caught with his pants down… literally.

Congrats to the chav in Hobbits who attempted to pull two friends of mine and ended up being called a big fat hairy c*nt. Good work fella, you obviously know which women to try it on with. Oh and hello to the girl who was sat outside on the pavement getting some air when some random drunk from Sands *lowlife warning* sat down next to her… my amusement was palatable as she turned in my direction and mouthed “Help meeeee.!” He wandered off a moment later trying to shake my hand as well. Twat.

My bad mood still hasn’t improved, it is now even worse thanks to the whole allergy thing.

At least it was a good Grand Prix, finally a race track that people can actually over take on.! Bad luck Monty, his last lap drop to third after an error in the fabulous turn eight let Alonso through.

Guess I had better go. Don’t think this nose thing will prevent my eating tea and a pizza tonight, but I have had three in the past week. Not so good.!! Oh and sorry for the lack of late news yesterday, couldn’t think of any that I had.!

Bonjour.!!