Woooo hoooo.!! I have done it again. I have got a letter in the Mercury (regarding the 30 METRE glassy carroty thing they want to spend £300k on in Weston’s town centre)… the letter reads as follows…

“I think hearty congratulations are in order, for this time our beloved town council have surpassed themselves with their lunacy. A quarter of a million pounds.? Did I read that correctly.? Appropriate though, Weston’s Hypodermic. The symbol of the town. We already have one by the motorway so why not one in the centre as well. Why can’t we have green bits, grass and trees in the middle of that vast expanse of overpriced paving.? Lunacy indeed. Actually I am rather surprised the council want to part with three hundred thousand pounds, considering they could spend it all on more traffic lights and reduce every junction in this ruined relic of a seaside town to confusion and grid lock.”

Too cheeky.? Well even if it is I don’t care lol. Its my letter and I’ll take the piss if I want to.

In other news, someone very special has invited me to a ball (I won’t say what ball because someone will crucify me.!). Its in two weeks time and I need to hire a tux because I simply don’t own one. I can’t wait. Hehe.

Hobbits tonight I think. Dominion first. Life is getting better again.

Enjoy your nights out all.!!

Stand back. Get out of my way and just generally don’t piss me off because I am in a FOUL mood (not a FOWL mood, otherwise I would be doing illegal things to poultry and thats just not something I do). And the worse thing.? I don’t know why I am in a bad mood, dammit.

Just had to nip into work because I managed to leave the staffroom window open… oooops.! Silly thing to do, but my mate has bought me a takeaway while he was waiting so it isn’t all bad.

Can’t be arsed to type owt else. Going to go get my mouth round a fat sausage I think.

Back up there you badass mofo.!!

*LATE NEWS*
I am being haunted by the scent of an exs perfume and it is driving me nuts. I keep smelling it in odd places and I cannot pinpoint why. I hate that. I use my nose a lot. My sense of smell is very acute and I tend to identify people by their smell (hmmm I am a six foot four basset hound) rather than any other way, something which I don’t think I have mentioned to anyone before. Heyho.

Oh my word. Oh, first I should apologise now for the next sentence or two. It is not pleasant lol.

I had a Chicken Tikka Jalfrezi last night (you can see where I am going now can’t you.?). It was very nice but for one thing… it was flaming hot.!!! I used to eat them all the time and I don’t remember them normally being the same heat as the surface of Venus (c460 degrees celsius..!!). Basically, it was as hot when it went in….. as it was when it came out.!! Should have popped the loo roll in the fridge today I think.!

Anyway, enough of that line of conversation. How are you all.? Warm enough I trust.? I have splashed out on a £50 tower fan to try and keep me bits cool when I am in my room/bed/bathroom. It is huge but pretty quiet and powerful and has a timer so I can lie in bed with it on and not worrying about it being on all the damn night lol.

As I sit here contemplating a tall cold Carlsberg shandy and liberating myself of various witicisms to everyone who will listen (and those who won’t, to be honest), I find myself wondering about the future. And then it hits me….

166 shopping days til Christmas.!!

Thankfully, I feel better today. I have regained my usual bright outlook to some degree but am still in mild shock as my hands are surprisingly shakey and I am still feeling like hell. Actually that might be because I have one of those wonderful summer colds. My nose is bunged tighter than the Bride Of Frankenstein’s mouth, my head is jumping with the feeling of blocked sinuses (oh when I move my head, the wonderful explosion of pain as the pressure doesn’t equilise twixt ear and throat is like a little party in my brain Every. Damn. Time), oh and it is toooo hot.!!!

I know some of you love the sun. But I am a miserable bugger and don’t take well to extremes of heat very well. I always prefer it to be cold, because then I can shiver my way into my home and get nice and warm in front of the fire, however I can’t sweat my way into the lounge and turn on…. nothing and get cool. The only great thing about hot weather is that old favourite, thunderstorms. We await them with baited breath… and a video camera this time.

Intruiging thought…. I live under the flight path to Lulsgate airport. Not the busiest place in the world to be honest, but there are always a fair few landing and taking off and I see plenty day to day, but last night my father pointed out something. When sitting in the garden you can watch the planes flying over and also hear the buses on the main road outside… now guess which ones were more frequent.?

Doesn’t take a genius does it.? Lets just hope that FirstGroup (wankers inc) don’t get a foot hold in the airline market. Can you imagine.?? The mind boggles.!!

Right well I have sent another letter to the Mercury so we shall see if that gets printed, although this one might be a little close to the bone, so to speak, so might be unprintable. Saying that the one about the council and the mind altering drugs and the Luftwaffe doing a better job on Knightstone than the entire council could ever do got in so why this one shouldn’t I have no idea.

Oh and while we are on the subject, I would like to start a little countdown (no Mr Whitley, RIP, I am not going to do any tasteless jokes about that. I did those all at work). No, the countdown until the contract for the “LifeStation” art deco rubbish on the seafront is revoked and reopened to tender. Having had a good look at all the facts and figures, it is pretty obviously never going to open. October 2007.?? Really.?? Have you ever watched British builders actually building.? You should see the cowboy who tarmaced a four foot square patch in our carpark at work, the next day it was wrecked, all over the place and needed doing again. You could tell he was a cowboy because he left spur marks in the back door and his horse ate some of PoundLands stock (interesting note, if you think PoundLand is low then go to Teignmouth. They have an 89 pence shop.!). now where was I.? Ah yes, look at the time it has taken a professional company (Mowlem, and no not Mo Mowlem, cos she would have had it done by now.!) to build and repair and rebuild and patch up and repair the Bath Spa Project. The Romans built the originals faster and they didn’t have diggers and huge cranes and lorries. All they had was lice and typhus.!

I am beginning to ramble and my left hand has burst into flames from all this typing. I must stop. Should mention that my friend is now a lot happier thankfully, and has cheered herself up with a new haircut that looks very cute.

Watch for late news because I still have my thinking cap on and have plenty to rant about today…

Ding Ding, fares please. Move along the bus there.!

*LATE NEWS*
Heard a rumour today, about the hideously chavvy Vision nightclub (NEVER will I return there. EVER.) It is closed at the moment, ostensibly to “refurbish” the place, (which usually means cleaning the ashtrays out and flushing the toilets) but my little rumour is actually that none of the doormen (who lets face it all look as though they could take part in a joint IQ contest against Westlife and lose in the first round) have had the new licences that are required to work as doormen. Ironic that word… doormen. None of them ever look like they could work a door. Discuss.! Does explain why Hobbits is full of chavs occasionally though. As I say though, this is all word of mouth so probably isn’t true. And no, I am not going to be “trying it out” when it reopens as Tossers or The Sty or some other crappy name.

**LATER NEWS**
Add the feeling of immense guilt to one of helplessness and then you may begin to feel what I have begun feeling right now… just when I thought it was going to be ok, then it crashes down round my ears. Woe is me.

When I say groan, I don’t mean groan as in “my head hurts” I mean groan as in, why is my head spinning from the events of last night.?

Was planning to go out, and my apologies to those who expected to see me out but to be honest I couldn’t. I learnt a few things last night that really took it out of me… and then on top of that when I got home I had a friend suggesting she was going to kill herself. Cue an hour on the phone trying to calm her down despite the fact I was so wound up I was shaking, cold sweating and pretty much crying like a fucking child.

I understand it was a cry for help and I like to think I “talked her down” but even now I am stuck in a little cycle of bad thoughts, the whole what if factor.

Call this an open letter….

“Honey, you know who you are. You know what I said and you know how upset and emotional you made both yourself and me. Please take sometime out to think next time. I know you need someone, and I am sorry I can’t be there for you but I am only a phone call away if you do need me. Try not to think the worst, just look to the future because we can’t control our destiny. Stay safe.”

I am more tired now then before I went to bed last night. Drained and physically exhausted and I didn’t even go clubbing.

Going to be another crap week. I can just feel it.

Fuck. Time for a cry I feel. Byeeee.

Last night I did something I have never done before (Oh my word, you are so dirty, I didn’t mean that at all.!!). I dialled 999. Explaination required.? Ok then….

Different night from last Friday, only me and my friend. Literally. Got to Hobbits early and I really enjoyed both bands, Midasuno and Pete’s Sake. Second one was very The Used (even the lead singer looked like Bert MaCracken). Well my friend was ill so I put her in a taxi and spent the night bopping away 9very occasionally because the music was pretty bad for a change) with 4 people who have at some point worked with me, or still do. Anyway, I got a little bored at 1am ish and grabbed my usual “mate with a cab” home. As we headed past KwikFit we stumbled upon a guy in a silver Sierra who was obviously pretty tanked up. He was all over the road, crossing the white line and kangerooing away from stops. So I called the police and gave them a tip off. Hope the little c**t gets his car crushed for driving under the influence.

Which brings me to an interesting thing… for a change… If someone you knew was drunk and intended on driving home, would you report them. Personally I would not think twice simply because of the danger to themselves and of course other road users/pedestrians etc, so watch out lads and lasses, and let it be a lesson to you.

Not much else to say this morning. Just get well soon to PVC.

Whhooops, there go my shoes again.!

I was going to whittle on and lamblast the whole Olympics thing tonight. But as today unfolded I realised that it wasn’t going to be an ordinary day. Truly shocking, but utterly predictable.

Someone at work asked why they didn’t bomb Gleneagles. Simple answer, terrorists aren’t stupid. Why bomb the place where all the coppers and army peeps are. Pick and easier soft target, causing massive terror, collatoral damage and carnage in a smaller easier place.

So here I shall stop and let your thoughts float back to the image of that Volvo bus, shattered, shredded and blown to pieces. Brought back memories of that wartime image of an old half cab AEC RT bus thrown up by a German bomb onto a pile of debris.

Stay careful. Love you all. x

PS.. forgot to mention. The “date” went lovely. Mesmorised by her. New nickname for you all to learn, Vanilla (what.?? She smelt of vanilla perfume. Delectable).

Good evening dear folks, I have once again returned from another of my AIM (Advance Into Management) courses down at sunny Fareham. Stayed in The Holiday Inn in Portsmouth this time (yes I have taxed the free toiletries as well as a box of matches, a pen,the complimentary bar of chocolate and elf sized can of Britvic). I had a sea view room and could clearly see the Isle of Wight (all wight.?!! hehe) and watched the SeaCat and various ferries musing about this morning. Fab. Despite it being only a one day course (on “Active Selling” basically pushing more stuff to poor unsuspecting customers hehe) I am actually totally knackered.

I have a new belt which turned up yesterday… should be interesting in two ways…. One, watching someone hug me unsuspectingly and two, trying to get the bloomin’ thing through my belt loops, something I hadn’t thought through when I ordered it. Either way its still a viciously nice bit of kit but if I get arrested for carrying an offensive weapon then I am not going to be impressed.

I watched Suga Rush again last night… weird but it always makes me smile. No idea why, maybe its just that it reminds me of someone.!

Oh and I also happened to stupidly turn on the TV in my room this morning. FULL of the Olympics it was. BBC1, GMTV, Sky One, SkySports, BBCNews24…. arrrrrrrgh. Radio One was unbearable as usual so I cosied up to Terry Wogan and enjoyed his playing of Moonlight Shadow. Marvellous tune that, cheers Mr Oldfield… anyway… we got the Olympics. Why does that statement make me grind my teeth.? Ah, I know, its because I am frighteningly aware that although the bloomin’ event is a full 7 years away, its still going to be bandied around from now on… on every station, every day until they sod off back to another foreign land again. Nooooooo. Actually, the only reason I am mildly happy about us hosting it is the fact that we urinated all over the bonfires of several million “Cheese eating surrender monkies” ie the French. Brilliant. Can you imagine how pissed off they must be knowing we got it and their rancid Paris didn’t.!! Fantastic. You can almost hear the sound of screaming into French pillows…

“Sacre bleuuuuuu, les Engleeesh, they steal our Olyyyyympigs. Blockade zee ports.”

A friend suggested we could make an addition to the events this year, see how far you can throw the Frenchman from the top of the Eiffel Tower, but seeing as it is 200 years since we kicked them up the arse at Trafalgar, I think Nelson and his rather long, hard column should be the arena of choice.

I have a confession to make. I have done something unforgivable today. I had a Burger King cheese burger and fries. Long story but I was hungry and in the middle of nowhere and we took a wrong turning (look at the map, Baker not out the bloody window.!!). It was no surprise to find the burger tasting as plasticky as usual, the fries didn’t even have the decency to attempt to be luke warm, lazy bastards, and there was the usual screaming, running around, uncontrollable, unruly kids who almost got my size 10 DC shoes stuck out in front of them so precipitating a nasty but amusing “face on edge of table at speed incident”. Maybe if they hadn’t been pumped to the gills on badly mixed cola and full of sugar, salt and cold fries they would have been a bit more subdued and calm, although judging by the parents I doubt it very much.

Ah and on another note I managed to trap my collegues arse in the door of the hotel lift by hitting the door close button a little too early. Cue shocked expression and a LOT of laughing.

Right well I have a “date” of sorts tomorrow, ok, a sarnie and a smoke but thats not the point.

Now where did I put my nail varnish.?

To be continued….. (well the Olympics bit anyway)

I noticed something this morning. I am well aware that it is unusual for me to actually notice ANYTHING on a Monday morning, but I did. Wimbledon has finished and I hadn’t even noticed. Did Henman get to the final.? Or is that the stupidest question since Roseanne Barr last asked “Do these jeans make my ass look fat.?” Of course he didn’t. No one needs to see the results to know that he didn’t, bless him. As with so many British sports people before him, he always comes soooo close but never quite gets there. Look at Eddie the Eagle Edwards (hmmm second mention on the board for him.!), Jenson Button (well on his way to becoming the 2000’s version of the ex 1960/1970’s driver Chris Amon, the greatest F1 driver never to have actually won anything) or rallly driver Malcolm Wilson who has driven for and run the Ford team for bloomin’ years but nowt has been forthcoming Championship wise. You are expecting a rant now aren’t you but are not quite sure where it is heading… well it is easy. The Government. They, as per usual, are too blame. Not enough investment in English sport, not enough training our young players… Hmm good point, throw in the big football teams too, who constantly buy pricy overseas players (basically asylum seekers in footy shirts) and ignore the excellent young English talent that is right there for a shit load less dosh.! Pathetic.

Then again this is the Government that KEPT giving money to the chuffing Millenium Tit. Twats. That Al Kye-Eeeeda blokey *hides from FBI* should have blown THAT up. much more fun.

Its dark outside but I, old romantic that I am, have candles lit, shame I have no one here to sit in the dark with me. Well not yet anyway lol.

Ooooh and for the record there WILL be an accident on the Drove Road/Locking Road traffic lights soon, if the council don’t sort out the traffic lights soon. Then they will have to put up barriers like on the toll road in case some spastic drives too fast in some direction lol.

*grrrrrrrowl* Put a tiger in your tank, or a lion in your personnel carrier.

Till tomorrow, good byeeeee.

Good afternoon fair ladies and gentlefolk. How delighted myself is to be able to address you today. What news do I carry to you on this fine day, well salutations to Mr Alonzo for another race win on my least favourite race track, the French Magny-Cours circuit, which is as bland as most of their wine is.

My throat hurts, which is not a good thing, as I have been smoking too much, which if any of you are wondering was actually why I left at 2am this morning from Hobbits. I felt sooooo sick from one too many cigs that I was very nearly sick in my drive. lol. Was fine after a glass of water but it was a close run thing.

Took my new phone clubbing with me last night. i will post the photos soon on here. It was nice to be able to actually see what I was taking photos of. Flash is a brilliant addition to the series 60 Symbian splendour of my glorious phone hehe. I don’t mind though, I know that I have the best phone yet

Well its Monday and a day of work again tomorrow. Only five days to go til Hobbits springs into my thoughts and reality again. Lets hope that this time Blondie doesn’t go all weird on me and follow me in to the loo again…. 5 seconds later and she would have got an eye full lmao.

Meh meh, blah blah till tomorrow, blah blah. Byee.!! xxx