From my title you should be able to tell I bought a packet of Twiglets on my way home. They are now resting comfortably along with an amount of Lemonade. Ahhhhhhh. Oh and it is almost tea time too, hmmm. I love Twiglets and I also hate them at the same time. Once I start scoffing them then the whole lot disappear pretty fast but I don’t eat them because I am still hungry, just that the taste fascinates me. Marmitey and beefy. The texture is amusing too… an amuse bouche if you will.

I think I was caught of film earlier in the High Street… they were filming some bald guy and I wandered up to the cash point. Hope they didn’t see my pin number.!! Have to watch Points West and HTV West later (I’ll be the tall one in the Placebo t-shirt looking straight into the camera and wondering what the bloody hell was going on).

One day to go till Friday night. Hobbits. Going to be annoyingly quiet though. Oh well. More room for me to injure myself in some new and amusing way I guess. I have to rant about something but I am not sure what it is (again.!! I am losing my touch.!!)

Await the late news then.

*LATE NEWS* (like you didn’t see that coming.!)
Ha, my rant… The Government and Car Tax…

I know, said Gordon Brown, lets tax the fuck out of every motorist in Britain by charging them up to £1.34 a mile on busy roads and losing the car tax and (yeah can’t see this one happening) slashing the duty on petrol. Rubbish.!!! Mr Brown, have you ever tried to get on a bus you fat scottish tosser.?? I use them everyday and they are rarely on time and always full of pissy smelling old people and the sort of kids who in the 19th century would have been worked to death underground and I only use them for a journey of a mile. The cost per week for me.? £11.00. £11.00 for a total journey of 15 miles.! Thats ridiculous. Average cost of £1.36 a mile. Badgerline/FirstBus/Fat cat bus managers/Blair/Brown, you are indeed a bunch of useless wasters.

I am done now. Ahhhh.

Its been a slow day. Very slow. Spent a decent amount of it playing with my new phone. I am aware it is broadly similar to my old one, but, it has a wealth of new bits and pieces that I am currently learning about.

I am sure there was something I was supposed to be ranting about, but I have totally forgotten. I hate that. People who know me are always well aware of my very bad memory but sometimes I actually amaze myself with my ability to forget reasonably important things within a few seconds of being told not to forget them. Apparently when someone tells you NOT to press the button until they shout NOW then you DON’T press it. It wasn’t a big shock he got, just blackened his face a little and moistened the drawers.!

Hwang wants me to go swimming, which I am sure I should join in with but as I have just had a big meal I decided it was probably best. Plus the one time I dislike my body is when I have no top on (I like the lower half, but not the top, too scrawny). If I am stripped to the waist I look like a pale Pepporami (if im sunburnt then probably the fire stick version.!!). I do like swimming though. There is nothing better than swallowing 3 gallons of chlorine and getting someones old elastplast stuck to the side of your face to make you feel you are getting fit. Oh and of course, our swimming pool is horrible. Its almost always the wrong side of just warm enough and the life guards spend way too much time watching the women in the showers and not enough watching the pool.

I have, in fact, done something worthwhile today. I signed up to a Give As You Earn scheme (Oh bugger me.! I just realised what the acronym that will appear on my payslip will be… GAYE, she never mentioned that.!!). It means that you give £1.00 of your pay a week to a charity of your choice. Normally I don’t sign up for these sort of things but as the one charity I usually give to was on the list (The Meningitis Research Trust) I decided I could have one apple schnapps and lemonade less on the weekend and give it to them instead. You lot should join up too… the woman who comes round was very persuasive… and cute (oh come on, you really wondered why I had signed up so easily.!!)

Nowt as queer as folk huh.?

*LATE NEWS*

100 POSTS.!!! Woooo Hoooo.

Ooops. I have accidentally got a new phone. Doh.! Now I am surprised as I am sure you all are. Its a lovely little Nokia 6680. Plenty of gadgety bits and stuff like that. Hwang, you are gonna hate it, cos its better than yours lol. Awwwww.

Other news now… well I didn’t want to bring it up but the number one song… hmmmm. You didn’t listen did you.? You went out and bought that bloody thing without even batting an eye-lid. On the list of heinous crimes, buying that single is only slightly less socially acceptable than mass murder.

*loads shotgun*

I have a bag of stuff. It isn’t much now, but add some other stuff and it might turn out to be the best bag of stuff ever. Want to know what is in my bag.??

Garam Massala. A combination of many spices and herbs that you grind up and cook chicken or lamb in and it magically becomes a curry. Seems my friends at work are gonna have some new treats to gorge themselves on pretty soon.

Its been a slow day and I am tired and have no rants to get off my chest.. oooh well almost…

Evening Post front page… “Work starts on Toll Road crash barriers”. Hmmm, well I have been over this before but for any new viewers I shall just re-rant a little. If you drive at 20mph down the Toll Road then you won’t fall off the edge, you wont career into a tree and you will pop out of the herbage the other end and continue safely on your way to Sand Bay or town. If however you drive your effing Citroen at OVER, thats OVER, the speed limit, then there is a good chance you will crash. It is not a nice thing but if you break the rules you end up dead. It’s a bit like the two kids climbing on top of railway trucks in a siding oop north a few years ago. They got on top and were instantly killed by a 25Kv shock from the overhead wires. They were breaking the rules (12 years old so they could both understand the signs saying KEEP OFF), they were in the wrong, and their Dad said… “BR shouldn’t have had those wagons parked there, it was dangerous”. Twat.!!

People need to start taking responsibility for their actions. Accidents happen but stupidity causes death.

Oh and I take responsibilty for eating all the custard creams.

*Sneezes*

Why do I always sneeze the morning after I have been out on the town. I don’t get it.!! Sure it is something to do with the smoke etc. Oh what a night. I managed to almost pull my hamstring to Chop Suey when I landed on someone else’s foot. Ooops.! My dancing was wild and took up an amount of the dance floor, but as it was quite quiet it didn’t really matter.

So now I am sat here typing merrily while my potato shells cook away in the oven (specially adorned in my ususual creative style with extra cheese, chives and paprika). Potato shells.? Thats a strange thought. Why am I eating the bit that, usually, you throw away.? Its like cappucino coffee, if I wanted to intake that much air then I will simply breathe in and THEN have a mouthful of coffee and gargle the damn stuff.! Pasta. Another good example.!! Flour and water… hang on that makes wallpaper paste. Bizarre.!! The things we eat nowadays are getting more and more ludicrous. On a menu for a restaurant I saw the other day it had snail porridge. I’m sorry, porridge.?? With snails in it.?? Didn’t 1980’s Welsh TV cartoon character Will Quack-Quack eat that.?! I am sure he did but now you can actually eat it. Madness.

Oh well time for the German touring car now, then two more British touring car races.

No rest for the motor sports fan today.

*LATE NEWS*
Meant to say, for all of you Formula One addicts like my good self, James Allen was incorrect with his anecdote about a mechanic being killed back in 1981… the full story is thus… Zolder circuit of Belgium, Dave Luckett, mechanic for Riccardo Patrese jumps over the wall and attempts to start his stalled Arrows A3 as the lights go green (much less safety in 1981). A flying Siegried Stohr, Patrese’s team mate, crashes into the back of Patrese’s car squashing the unfortunate Mr Luckett between the two cars. Dave wasn’t killed but suffered two broken bones and returned to the pit crew a few months later. Stohl had nervous breakdown on the spot and was eventually sacked after a lack lusture season. That was the weekend an Osella mechanic (Giovanni Amadeo) was fatally injured after a pit lane collision and also the track where the genius Gilles Villeneuve was to lose his life a year later. Thank goodness they don’t use THAT track anymore.!!

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any weirder, last night took the award for “Most Bizarre Night Ever”.

Allow me a little scene setting. Me. Ex. Blondie. Hobbits. Alcohol… actually that will do.!

Never have I been so amused by both my own good fortune and sheer bad luck. TWO women. Same time. BOTH wearing fishnets. Damn. My mates all say “follow you heart” except Rich who just says have another beer, but thats just him I guess.

Its a pain. But what can I do.??

I will survive.!!

I’m hot and wet thanks to our bizarrely temperate climate. Tropical heat and humidity and big black trousers do not mix very well.!! Anywho….

Well done Bob Geldof. You have managed to pull together a group of some of the highest earners in the Music world, including Sting, U2, The Rolling Stones and Sir Paul McCartney to front a concert to highlight Third World debt. Hang on a moment. The highest earners.? Surely if these people really do care about world poverty then they would be giving most of their dosh to charity anyway.!!!! But no. When was the last time you saw Mick Jagger popping into Iceland because they have a great offer on frozen chickens.? When was the last time you saw Bono whipping around Dublin in a jelly mould Ford Sierra.? Doesn’t happen does it, and never will.!

On the bright side (sings: cos I’m Mr Briiiiight Siiiiiiiide *sounds of microphone plug being yanked from karaoke machine*) the Spice Girls have had the chop. Sadly it didn’t include the use of a classic French guillotine but I can dream (and hypocrisy abounds, I do own the Spice Girls first album but my musical judgement at that age was the same as my partner judgement, miserable bitch she was too.!).

There was of course a HUGE flaw in the plan of using the “World Poverty” thing as a front for relaunching five slags in leotards and lycra, and that lies at the feet of Mrs Beckham. See where I am going.? No.? Flipping ‘eck do I have to explain EVERYTHING.??? Right well look, Mrs Beckham is married to…. thats right, David. David who plays footy. Football means footballs and football shirts, shorts, socks etc etc, and that means some 4 year old stitching leather in a sweat shop in a third world country working all the hours He sends for nowt except a yak shit sandwich and guinea worm.!! So it would never have gone down well. Oh plus, not one single Spice Girl can sing. Especially the goodness awful Posh herself. Just stop. Stop before you bother starting.!

Getting back together never works. Well not always.