Well it’s Monday again. That funereal day when we all trudge back to work and ponder the rotten existence of our own withered and wretched bodies, ploughing our sullen way through the degrading early morn of yet another limp and burdening week.

Actually thats not true. Although I do indeed dislike Monday mornings there is always fun to be had in other peoples misery. My workmates for instance all seem to hate Mondays. Due to my sick sense of humour and love of watching other people suffer, it is my duty to be as cheerful as buggery and jovial as Charles Kennedy in a branch of Threshers (allegedly.!!). Watch the sods writhe in their downcast melancholy, I say.

On the subject of suffering, how nice it is to note The Sun newspaper is running a “Stop The Loss Of Jordan’s Tits” campaign. I love it when the prove just how stupidly hypocrytical the gutter press can be when a few months ago it was just about running a campaign to stop her pumpin’ those bad boys up like beach balls anyway.!! Stupid bastards.

Oh quick joke, thanks to Trish my Line Manager for this… (check out her knickers on the photo page (just kidding Trish )

An uncircumsised man walks into Asda and slaps his knob out on the Deli counter. The assistant says “What do you want me to do with that.?” the guy replies….

Roll that back. TTFN.!!

My most sincere apologys to those of you who were expecting to see my jovial fizzog out last Saturday night. I am suffering from what is known as Bunny Disease… that is a bad stomach and a blinding headache. Oh great, we have no staff at work. If I call in sick this week its gonna cause a hell of a lotta problems. Oh well.

But seriously folks, it is so quiet in our place at the moment you would have thought half the residents of Weston had all been murdered (which is ironic considering that most of them SHOULD be.!!!). I fore see another slow week but as I have a little thing going on tomorrow then maybe I won’t be on my terribly short hours much longer.! I’ll let you know how things turn out.

Someone come and rub me, I feel so ill.! (not like that Karen.!)

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/nintendoacapella.html you really have to see this. If you know your 1980’s NIntendo games, then you will understand what it is all about.

Normal service will resume when im not feeling like a big pile of poo!!!

I had a thought earlier (audience – Wow thats unusual, nomarmally it’s an endless string of innuendos and knobgags). Yes it is indeed a little odd for me but those of you who know my sadly deranged mind will know what I mean. It was just that I recognised suddenly, the loss of innocence in music. Back in the frugal fifties and swinging sixties song titles rarely, if ever, contained any references to sex. Obviously Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-a-Ling” had few conitations that were pretty much in your face but everything was relatively safe and non-risque. Then you head into the seventies where, despite some massive flares and slightly weird hairstyles (hang on, am I a seventies kid or what.!!) there was very little to push the boundaries of properness. Then we hit the eighties and the smut took off. “Lets talk about sex” “Girl I wanna sex you up” and the actually quite good “French kiss” by Lil Louie (cue lots of heavy breathing from female singer on the record) all appeared in this decade and then it just went down hill. Consider the words of Bewitched in their song C’est La Vie (yes I know it isnt exactly cutting edge musical talent but I am trying to make a point here…) and then up to date (ish) with Christina Aguilera’s “Dirty” (good job she jumped in that shallow pool in the video to get clean then).

Personally I am just waiting for songs to appear with titles like.. “Come Sit By Me (I wanna chuck one up ya)” and “Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Take me roughly from behind over the cabbages in Tesco’s”

Ah well…. every little helps.

Ok now I know this was a story in The Sun newspaper (and may be untrue or slightly changed entirely from real events) but it seems pretty accurate to me. Wayne Rooney slaps his girlfriend Colleen, Queen of the Chavs, in the face in a nightclub. Oh nice one Wayne. Not only does the dirty little prima-donna shag fantastically ugly old women (and PAYS for the priviledge) but he also lifts his hand to a lady. Yes, I hear you cry, but Colleen is no lady, but NO woman deserves to be physically abused any more than any man does. What is it about footballers that means they can do this sort of thing to their partners/wives/fellow players/fans/family (Gazza, Roy Keane, Eric Cantona, Lee Bowyer, Kieren Dyer and that little twat from Millwall, Dennis Wise (all alledgedly of course)!!) and 99% of the time get away with it. I personally would love to see this headline in the paper tomorrow “Rooney Bummed By Bungle From Rainbow”. Overpaid piece of scum. I just pray next time Colleen has a broken bottle in her hand.

Hope you die Rooney, hope you die.

Ok folks, its all over, nothing to see here. Ahhh I do feel better now.

Well Monday is here again, brisk as it brings the promise of all the bloomin’ Weston College students back to my bus route… oh lucky me, oh and if you are the rather bloated girl with the cheap creole earrings that was chewing with your mouth wide open on the number 3 today then close your bloody mouth you slag.!!! It was like watching a dog chewing a toffee.

Anywho, moving on, Hwang, the reason I left early was because I couldn’t find you.!! And where did you get the dosh for that little feast of yours.?? Flippin’ ‘eck guv’nor.!!! Oh well, almost Saturday again. Mooooore Hobbits for me I think.!!

Good afternoon Herr Fans-o-Mine (arent I the conceited one today!).

Well it was a lovely night out last night. People dancing, music blaring, black aftershock being poured down my neck without much thought (cue usual headache today but I have felt worse). Currently I am stripping…….. No, not like that, just taking me nail varnish off (eh? Dirty Boy). Only bad thing about last night, apart from a lack of any female action (why am I soooo bad at pulling in night clubs. Discuss.) was the annoying fact that, as I stood outside waiting for my delightful mate Keith and his Vauxhall Omega of take-me-home fun, I suddenly heard the sounds of Atreyu’s Right Side of the Bed, blasting out of the doorway of Hobbits. Bugger. Waited all night for that and it was 1.40 when I left. Still, managed to have a good mosh to Chop Suey and Links 2,3,4 again (hurting my throat as i landed on the shoulder of some fellow dancer when I leapt into the air at the start of the REALLY guitary bit in that SOAD track… ooooowwwww.!).

In other news today, Congrats to Camilla and Charles on their marriage, make sure you treat her like a Princess mate (and I don’t mean shagging some other bird and then driving and crashing her at high speed in a Merc through a Paris underpass, killing her…

The Pope has been laid to rest, and if I read another Pope Idol joke (which FaceParty deemed important enough a joke to mail me SIX TIMES with), then I may ban all Popes forever.

And finally tonight (say it like Trevor MacDonald, it sounds better), well done to Matt Neal for taking two wins out of three in the first round of the Dunlop British Touring Car Championship from Donnington. Shame its only a 12 car field though… bring back the 1993 regs and lets have 30 cars and some overtaking again. Wooohoo.!!

Peanuts anyone.?

Ok, what the flibber is going on with the weather this week. Saturday was t-shirts out weather, Sunday was similar but really windy, then today it was bright sunshine then SNOWING.!! Something has gone wrong and I blame that bloke from Bananaman… remember.? The Weather Man.?? Oh come on surely you do. He controlled the weath…. oh you can guess that. lol. Well just hope its nice tmrw night because I dont fancy my big trews soaking up about 8 tonnes of rain water and weighing me down while I am trying to mosh. Its bad enough the beer doing it.!

Its just a step to the left… oh yes.!

More Late News…
I have spent FOUR DAMN HOURS scanning and uploading some old photos in to the photo area. See who you can spot. And check out my gayest ever pose.!!

Ok, there is not really a national shortage of beans, but there might be a national shortage of black nail varnish. Ah I hear you cry, Bunny dear boy, who needs black nail varnish when you are single, well dear hearts I personally am after some. Having dragged Hwang around the only two shops in Weston that actually sell nail varnish, getting understandably funny looks from teenage women buying the same range as me (oh how they will never see me look so pretty in my cosmetics, chavs the lot of them) I discover that the place is entirely devoid of any black stuff at all, except permanant marker (yeh cheers Hwang). Thankfully ebay sorted me out in seconds for just 99p. Lovely….

Chav Rant Warning…….

Went in MD’s for the first time in a bout 2 years (corrections please on a postcard to Stop Being a Pedantic Arse, 100 I Dont Care Road, SodOffsVille) and enjoyed the taste of luke warm fries, a burger that could have replaced my shoe soles and flat coke, so pretty normal there then. I could have complained but I could not be bothered to face that wall of pus filled spottiness that is the MD’s “team”. While eating we looked around and enjoyed the screaming kids, their screaming mothers and the glorious chav wearing a lovely white cap, on side ways with plenty of bling. Turned me on it did, oh yes. Oh and the great family of mum (bout 19)and about 12 kids, with my favourite line “You shut up unless you want some.!!”, I wanted to go find out what it was in case I wanted some too… but decided that “some” was probably the clap or something so continued to masticate (stop thinking that) my food quietly in a corner.

Oh happy days.

Late Entry..!!!
I have just checked out my statistics page that Hwang sorted out for me (thanks AGAIN lol) and it has been pointed out that in the past few days I have had my site linked to from various search engines through these terms… “Cyprus+Escort+Women” – right I see… and “Slag+To+Go”

Honestly… some people.!!

As it seems that Spring is well and truly upon us, I would like to wish you the best of the season and hopefully cull some invites to barbeques over the next few months (hey, a guys gotta eat!!).

Hmmm interesting point.. why is it that men always cook at barbeques but never anywhere else (oooh thats insightful, I hear you all cry, but we do chip in occasionally). Obviously I am talking about the “alpha male”. The guys you see adorned with thick gold chains from Argos, smothered in Bed Sherman, probably with a Manchester United top on and shorts in the middle of February (99% of the men that go to Vision nightclub I guess!!). I know a lot of my male friends do indeed cook for their ladies (I personally prefer to cook and avoid the drying up) but then again it is very rarely that I keep the company of ‘ard men with pitbull’s as pets and women who are uglier than the pooch as a girlfriend. Must be a testosterone thing (Why has no one ever made a Swiss choccy bar named that.??).

Any ideas on who I should pick on next.??
Love you all.!! xx