The End

May 6, 2012 - 6:29 pm

I think it is time to shut down my blog. It has been running for a long time although little used lately. I appreciate all who have commented, appeared on it and been ruined by it but the time has come to make some long needed changes in my life and stop dwelling on the past.

Thank you to Mr B who has done so much for me regarding this site and will do the honour of pulling the plug on it very soon and also to those who have given me inspiration, stupid drunk stories and antics and a lot of very fond memories both good and bad.

Take care out there.

Fluffy Bunny. xx

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John Buttery Biscuit Base

September 29, 2011 - 10:09 am

Bugger me it’s dusty in here. Haven’t woken the old blog creating machine up for a while so it’s taken ages to get the steam up and don’t even get me started on oiling the pistons and greasing the nipples. Oooh errr Missus.

Anywho, the country has got warmer again, which is annoying, the EU are trying to fuck us over to support their badly thought out Eurozone, which is very irritating, and Vettel has just got to score one more point to get the championship, which is actually quite funny.

First off that big Comet Elenin thing didn’t come to anything, which actually surprised me a little. Oh well, YU55 is heading close by in November so maybe that will cause a few things to occur if only to relieve the boredom of life. There have been a lot of recent quakes around the Canary Islands (El Heirro specifically) which could mean hell is about to be unleashed but we shall see.

The EU want us to help bail out the Euro by giving them lots of money… which seems a bit rich when we don’t even use the Euro and didn’t want it in the first place. As usual Germany is moaning at the top of the list (serves you right for voting a woman in, especially one called Merkel. MERKEL. For goodness sake). Greece wants more money as it keeps spending everything it can get on putting up new wallpaper and painting the roads gold and green. Sod them. Sod the lot of them.

Jeremy Kyle seems to be getting more and more towards the gutter. Everyday they seem to find a new group of people who make the previous guests look like the Royal Family (which I suppose isn’t saying much but you see my point). If this continues then sooner or later they will have Jade Goody’s mum on… oh hang on, they have done that already. I cannot imagine that ITV would actually pay these people to appear on the programme… do they actually give them money or is it simply the joy of being able to share the fact that you are a tracksuited, orange faced twat with a massively overused fanny who is dating a ‘guy’ who owns a pitbull, can’t count past 20 without taking his pants off and dosed up with chlamydia. It really is car crash television in the sense that I hope most of these people die in a fireball on the M6.

I bought some delicious crayfish tails and anchovies you could rub all over your body from the deli near work yesterday. They do my favourite chorizo too. It’s in West Street if you get chance to go shopping there. Lovely stuff. Trouble is that I know I won’t be able to decide whether to have a pizza with said ickle fish or a risotto with the chorizo for lunch. Arrrgh. Oh my.

Nice to see Gordon Ramsey back on screen with his Kitchen Nightmares. He may be a loadmouth cock sometimes but he can certainly cook and certainly helps turn people’s businesses around without being Alan Sugar or one of Dragon’s Den (all of whom I detest, actually I don’t mind that Peter Jones but the rest can bugger orf).  The USA version of Kitchen Nightmares is a lot more annoying than the UK version. It is certainly ramped up with far more sweary bits and throwing out the pram of toys where as in the UK it is far more controlled and sedate but then again I suppose that is the difference between us and the showy Yanks. We value (or used to at least) substance over surface.

On that note Rihanna got kicked out of a field for prancing around in her bra by a farmer who didn’t know who she was. I personally would have run the big foreheaded bint down with the nearest combine harvester just to help try and preserve music and stop it sliding any further down the hill into utter, utter shite.

…and on the subject of preserving things… David Croft sadly died this week. The writer and co-writer of many classic TV series such as Hi-de-Hi, ‘Allo Allo and You Rang m’Lord.? One of the legends of comedy writing, an art which seems to have been lost since the early 2000s except in rare cases (Horne and Corden, IT Crowd, The Phone Shop – fuck off the lot of you) so we shall leave the last words to one of his most famous characters. Officer Crabtree of ‘Allo ‘Allo…

…according to his family… “He pissed away in his slop”.

*****LATE NEWS*****

Deannon… De’annon, that is NOT a name. People please… stop using random words for your sodding kid’s names.

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Anders Behring Breivik

July 24, 2011 - 4:35 pm

The world is being lied to. This man appeared as if from nowhere and apparently killed lots of people on his own undertaking. This all smells of dead fish. DO NOT BELIEVE THE MEDIA OR THE GOVERNMENT. I don’t want to sound like I am being over the top “conspiracy theorist” but there is much information out there to suggest, prove even, that this is an operation set up by high level folks who seek to start either a war, a way of controlling millions of people through fear or simply a slow reduction in the population.

This is what the Russian people call a Maskirovka. Read the first 150 pages of Red Storm Rising and you will see how they set up a bombing to kill 7 children and blame it on a sleeper agent just to start a war. Don’t let yourselves be dragged into the tripe that the world’s press offers.

Sorry for the unusual blog but this is very important and no one in the press would ever dare to write anything other than “man kills lots of people” because THAT doesn’t sell newspapers. If you want any proof that the press talk crap 99% of the time then the recent News of the World hacking stories are perfect.

Stay safe guys, trust nothing you don’t see with your own eyes.!

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Every Little Thing She Does Is Tragic

July 7, 2011 - 4:42 pm

Yes, yes I know… it is simply too long since my last post. Well that is not my fault. It seems time has been conspiring against me (I reckon Steven Hawking is behind it. If I catch up with him then I will break his legs (just kidding Mr H)). What with the refit and then a busy social calender (and spending more time that ever with Miss Chili) I just have not had time to come on here, talk total bollocks and rant about nothing in particular.

Saturday this week sees the birthday night out of Pouty (Dances with Corset Over Face) and so we shall be bouncing out into town, paddling through a sea of Grockles (it is T4 weekend after all) and hitting all the quality places around town… well we shall be going to buy some beer and spend the night chatting about who is going to go and buy the next pint whilst trying to avoid descending at high speed, head first, towards the floor.

Last time we went out as a big group (with me there) was a heck of a long time ago. I think my drunkeness virginity may have healed over. Sadly with places such as Phoenix and Hobbits unavailable we shall be wobbling into Strings (the tampon bar) and DBs (that place that is quite loud… DBs… decibels… oh never mind).  Chili, Hwang, Mandy and myself with join with Pouty to create one of those nights where hopefully no one vimtos over the carpet but plenty of daft photos and odd things are said and recorded for posterity.

Been a lovely few days actually. Had a little barbeque on Sunday night, just myself and Chili, sat on the terrace and enjoying the hot weather along with sausages and cigarettes. Chili bought a Venus Fly Trap and has named it Snappy… it now resides on my window sill where it can scoff whatever wanders in through the window. Oh and I cleared out my wardrobe creating a looooot of space but removing most of the black tops and massive trousers that are no longer a trademark  look for me. In with the slim fit shirts and the jeans that fit properly (well fit over my enormous cods, wink wink, nudge, nudge know what I mean.?!

I did also want to say thaaaank yoooou for the awful weather today. Heavy rain and interesting clouds makes for a happy Fluffy Bunny and along with watching them remove the final concrete lamp post from our section of road has kept me entertained. All the low pressure sodium street lights have now gone it appears and no longer will we all be bathed in yellow light as we wander home at many an hour or run to the door when it is cold and dark at 5pm in the winter. The white replacement lights seem so much more cold and unfamiliar. The price of progress I assume.

Does take me back to the days of walking home from town. I used to do it all the time until I finally realised that for just £4 I could be home in 5 minutes rather than spend 25 minutes titting around (and nowadays it’s far safer too).  Pacing home past Mac’s Garage and stopping in for £10 worth of Pepperami, Cheese Strings and other awful processed shite was always a favourite after a hard night of dancing in Uropa.!

So tis Saturday we shall look forward to. I hope to see you all there swigging meths and pretending not to know you have left your penis dangling out of the front of your slacks. Maybe you could be sat in a corner dribbling down your shirt as a close friend pushes several minks into your socks. I shall be armed with a camera, three large plates of turkey slices and a gun that only fires in Japanese so watch out. Oh and I may bring a straw to allow myself access to your drink from behind you when I am facing away from you, like a tramp in an Escher painting. Hehe. x


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Harry Potter and the Super Injunctions

May 12, 2011 - 2:35 pm

Things I’ve noticed this week… 1 in 5 Come Dine With Me contestants owns a bright purple wig.  Wayne Rooney was happy to splash out 5 times more than *censored on legal advice but I’ll tell you who if you ask*  on a granny’s vag. The weather is determined to be disappointing all bastard year. There are not enough people being put down by vets.

So week 19 of 2011 brings us well over a third of the way through the year already. Obama has gunned down Osama, well he says his minions of hell have but anyone can see he is spouting more shit than a detonated cess tank. I cannot believe anyone would swallow the “oh we shot him and then threw him in the sea to give him a muslim burial”. No you fucking didn’t you lying cunt, either he was already dead or he is bottled up somewhere being waterboarded by the CIA… if he wasn’t working for you in the first place.! You are just spreading more of your evil around to allow more Government ordered killings and oil grabbing. Reagan used to prop up ridiculous dictators and supply arms to terrorists so why shouldn’t you lie your ass off to the world to keep the wars going.

I have been watching and reading a lot of Red Dwarf in the past week and there was an idea sat in my head that made me a little, well, nervous. We will surely start to populate space in the near future and this will be lead by the Yanks and the Russians… maybe the Chinese too. Now if they get to the planets and moons first then what on earth will they build.? I can imagine McDs and KFCs, obese astronauts and guns everywhere on Mars if America happen to plant their flag first. But just imagine what the Welsh planet would be like.! Bloody hell.

Well done to Vettel for outdriving everyone during a great Turkish GP. Sauber’s Koboyashi did another fantastic job to grab 1th from dead last AND having a puncture to contend with. Some brilliant overtakes thanks to DRS and KERS.

I’ve been playing TOCA on the PS1 (and now once again on the PC thanks to £4 and Amazon, Hurrah).! 1998 season BTCC cars and lots of crashing is just marvellous… but I am the one doing the crashing sadly. More practice required.

Right back to the world of Sarah Beeney and cleaning the dust of things. Enjoy.!

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Des, Tiny’s Child.

April 24, 2011 - 10:47 am

Whoops… been a while since I last posted. Sorry. Rather busy time, lots going on and lots hanging off… but enough of my medical complaints.

So huge congratulations to my Bro and his new wife Mel. The wedding was brilliant fun, my best man’s speech went down well and I had a bloody awful hangover after a truly wonderful time. I think he will have to be my best man, just so the little bugger can be forced to make a speech himself. Thanks also to Chili, who made a marvellously gorgeous bridesmaid, Hwang for the entertainment and Neil, Lighty, Bubbles, Emma, Mandy et al that danced, drank and laughed along. Pouty, where were ya.?! What a shame you couldn’t join us, would have made the carry out a little easier, arf arf.

So what has been going on.? Well the Jap’s and their Nuclear Power problems have got a bit quieter, but the world is now glowing brightly yellow at night. Earthquakes still rumble on daily under the country at around 6.0 on the Richter scale, which is quite violent but nowt compared with that gert big Nine.Zero.

Work has been very hard for the past week. I have been a nocturnal bunny, working overnight, which has totally confused my brain and left me shattered and with an inability to sleep properly. Two more nights left so hopefully I shall be back to normal soon enough, the shop looks  bloody fab though.!

Lewis, what a drive mate, do that again eleven more times and that’s championship two done.! Also big well done’s to the RML team for the speed of repair on Plato’s bent Chevvy, Matt Jackson for the first Airwaves Ford win, Tom Onslow-Cole for seventh in his improved Golf and Jordan and Nash on their brilliant battles in the Vectras. F1 and BTCC both giving up great racing. Thruxton next, hurray.!!

So today is basically the day I catch up on the washing, cleaning and relaxing in the bath that is impossible at 5am. That is to say I have just pushed a load into the washing machine and will then ram it into the dryer, then go and lie in the bath for an hour. I also need to buy a mesh guard to go over my window to stop me diving to close it everytime something small and waspy flies past. Oh and where is the thunderstorm I was promised last night. Bloody weather… if you are going to make me all sweaty then at least complete the damn transaction.!

and… Finally, I was listening to Nelly Furtado’s single “Turn off the Light” yesterday and it made me wonder just how many songs contain ill-advised additions or ommissions that don’t quite fit. In the aforementioned hairy gal’s song there is an acoustic guitar solo that totally ruins the flow of the song.

Other good examples.? Well Samantha Mumba, Gotta Tell You, the end of each chorus just doesn’t sound right, like something is missing rather than added.

Katy Perry and 3OH3  could have easily made Starstrukk (too many ‘k’s there people) even tastier by the addition of the backing lyric “uh ohh uh” as sung over the final chorus to all the choruses. Much better.

Rebecca Black, Friday. The ill-advised addition is the sperm and the egg that created this pug faced bint, actually no, it is the genetic material that devised her parents that paid for her to appear in damn video. What a couple of donkey fuckers.!

Right. I am off to throw potato peelings at the Jews… it is Easter after all.!

P.S. I forgot to mention a big thank you to Mark at Decades for all the fun on the stag night… great music and free shots and my brother being sicker than a pissed up bullemic with botulism… thanks to Chili for helping clear that up.! It’s lovely to know what Bengal Raj chicken tikka massala looks like a few hours after ingestion. cheers Paul.

P.P.S Jon Sullivan R.I.P, what a shame.! At least it prevents BBC1 or Dave commissioning any more awful continuations of Only Fools and Horses. It finished when they walked into the sunset with Uncle Albert… anything after that is just non-existant to me, another ill-advised addition.

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Jump On My Stumps

March 5, 2011 - 2:25 pm

Is it just me or is Christina Aguilera singing on that Rimmel London advert.? I guess it must be, that harsh edge to her voice when she sings a long, high note certainly stands out. If only she didn’t look like she needs a really good wash though. Shame.

Hello and welcome to Saturday. I think it is day 6, week 9 but I have a fortnight off work and have currently no idea what is going on.

Thankfully several marvellous things are occuring. Firstly tonight I am attempting a Chinese/Thai meal for Chili with three dishes I have never attempted before… should be interesting. Secondly the ole model railway is starting to work and look proper, guv’nor. Thirdly Hobbits Album Volume Seven is almost completed and finally Someone has decapitated Justin Bieber.

Actually the last one isn’t strictly true. Maybe we could just call that part of a wish list.

Did you know that the Spitfire is 75 years old today.? That classic styling, the elliptical wing, the growly roar of a Merlin at full tilt, what an aircraft… which neatly brings me to a bit of a fuss that has been debated on a certain social networking site of late.  (Pouty skip over this bit as normal).

Myself and a few other people have been debating the greatest aircraft of all time. It started out as a conversation about the Tornado and the Eurofighter and degenerated into a big whooharr about which plane was the stand out of history. To be honest we only focussed on the jet age but even so. So which one does it for you.? How about this… choose four aircraft. One fighter (or fighter-bomber), one bomber (ie strategic/area), one transport or civil liner and one naval aircraft. Four planes that define the world of airwar. Not easy is it.?

I managed to get down to four after a lot of thought…

The fighter, well it has to be the Phantom, one of the few planes to ever fly with a toilet attached instead of a bomb (during the Vietnam war and they had one bomb too few). It just shouts power.

The bomber, easy… Vulcan. I don’t really have to explain why but when you hear that whine, see the big black V shape and watch it climb like a little fighter well it just blows you away.!

The transport, the Hercules. STOL capable, rough field capable, it will do just about anything you ask of it.!

The naval plane, The de Havilland Sea Vixen… the twin boom tailed 1960s carrier jet that just looks so… right.

(Close finishers included the Gloster Javelin, B-52, Canberra, EE Lightning, Typhoon (WW2 one) and the B1B, the Mig-25 FOXBAT (two huge engines with a pair of wings bolted on) and the Hawker Hunter).

(Pouty join in again now).

So Mr Liam Gallagher has shown off his new album to the world. Beady Eye is his new band which is, well, Oasis with a different name and without Noel’s guitar playing or song writing abilities. Their stuff sounds like Oasis in so much that it sounds like the Beatles. It’s all very lovely and familiar but rather predictable. I could have written the damn music on an educated guess without even hearing the album (and I can’t read music).!

It just stands to Noel to show off what he can do. I doubt anyone will be cacking themselves over some kind of chart meltdown though. Although Noel did show he was more comfortable without his brother nearby when he appeared with groups such as the Chemical Brothers, to good effect.

Ah yes and Apple have launched the iPad 2 so now you will have a big group of cunts with the iPad 1 being picked on a bunch of overpaid people who are even BIGGER cunts as they have bought a new one. I think we all can tell who the loser is… society, ba doom boom, TISH.

I better go… got to get down DFS before their sale ends.! Bye all.

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Davina’s Had A Prolapse

February 15, 2011 - 6:57 pm

Bonjour, tres bien, merci and heyup Monsewer Spain… as we used to say at school. As I am just slipping under the one month bar for a blog post I expected to wander in here and find milk bottles all over the door step, the tap leaking and a bucket of fish mouldering in the larder. But no, it is all sweetness and light and little bits of food stuck to the mirror.

Currently I am mostly enjoying this wet weather, although it does make work a little slow but you when you get handed lemons make some kind of sugar free lemon based concoction and throw it at slow kids in the High Street.

What has been going on in the world.? Well I am glad you asked…

Firstly some tit who’s daughters got flattened by a train (because they somehow missed 45 tones of 12 foot high metal whipping along at 55mph) is pushing for a proximity of train lock to be put on the gate they went through to prevent it happening again… oh good. Let’s make sure that OTHER people stop the stupid getting mown down. If they had been hit by a truck when crossing a road would he have insisted on a crossing every ten feet or a ban on trucks.? No. Probably not. Prick.

Grrrr… on another note, Egypt rose up, kicked the bedding around a bit, farted and then went back to sleep with a lack of President (eventually). Appears the power of the people does work.! I wonder if we can do the same thing in this country when Eurovision starts (MEEEP MEEEEP MEEEEP RANT WARNING RANT WARNING (Ohhh fuck too late))…

Eurovision. One of the highlights of my year. Obscure and unknown artists sing awful songs in odd languages whilst wearing terrible clothing. Brilliant fun, even though we always lose due to the ‘political voting’ and the fact that we always enter a shit song and some dumb fucks singing it. Well this year will be no different. For some twat at the BBC has convinced bloody awful de-formed boy band Blue to reform and sing a song for us poor sods in England. Why.? Who on earth sat at a desk at the BBC HQ and wondered “Where is Antony Costas nowadays?” Well it turns out he is travelling the country weeing up cash machines (which is not the same as my plan to shit in the letter box of every branch of HSBC in the land.

I would rather be forced to lick Roland Rat’s ringpiece than have to suffer another bout of ‘All Rise’ or similar droning from the TV. But you know something, this is not the worst thing that will be happening during Eurovision this year.

That dubious honour is reserved for the fact that, due to what I can only assume is some catastrophic clerical error or awful judgement (and when I say awful I mean just fucking ridiculous) Ireland is being represented by Jedward. JEDWARD.! What the bloody hell.??? Having these two poncey twats bouncing around with their spaffed up hair and idiotic grins makes the sort of statement on the world that pushes Hitler and his Final Solution into a corner next to wearing a loon pants of buying a gold Austin Maestro.! I can only assume that they have decided to go for the pity vote, either that or they couldn’t afford anything better than Shedward (ie the local bog attendant was busy cleaning out a massive turd). Words fail me (well they do now at least).

Why do my blogs always end up being about music.??

But to end today I want to add a special tribute. Nothing more to say… Enjoy.

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64% Jeremy Kyle 36% Pikeys

January 20, 2011 - 12:27 pm

As the frost returns we take another peek into the warped mind that is Fluffy Bunny, the one and only. On the agenda this week we have had swine flu, buckets of dirty water and sick all down the walls… but enough about my hobbies.!

How many people here have seen Piranha (spoiler warning by the way).? The modern version all up to date and whatnot.? Jaws with Tits right.? Yes indeed but perhaps it is just my aging mind but the special effects in films nowadays seems to be making everything look more unreal than back in the days of simple models, basic CGI overlays and bluescreen effects.! Piranha is a case in point. When the director dude is lying with a leg stripped to the bone on his boat (and his knob missing) it just looks, well wrong. Ok I am aware that a guy lying on a boat with no flesh or anything else on his limb IS wrong but there is just something that doesn’t quite work in there.

Ditto blood effects in a number of modern movies. Fake blood is a marvellous thing. It oozes, it drips, it dribbles between the heaving breasts of a young nymphess and forms tracks in the powder… sorry, yes fake blood is lovely because it moves like blood. CGI blood moves like a computer thinks it does, as taught by some pimply gentleman who has spent less time in the bosom of young women and a lot more writing code in his pants. The blood in some of the SAW movies looks like it was animated on a BBC Master by a blind guy with his guide dog doing the typing.

It used to be an art to create something brilliant. The old Red Dwarf scenes were all model based and were all the better for it. Techniques created back in the 60s when Thunderbirds really took off (no pun intended but appearing courtesy of Gerry Anderson and a ball of string) were used for bloody years until computers were able to process and redraw quick enough and I think we are all poorer for it. In a way the use of models rather than graphics seems to make it look like the film producers have actually tried hard to make a film look good rather than spending $2000 on a Mac and a CGI package and saying “Off you go Brian”.

Come on Hollywood, get back to the wonderful movies of old. Indiana Jones was better with models and only a little CGI, the Goonies was brilliant with a big set and no comps… do it people.!

What’s the perfect pop song.? What’s the perfect song for that matter.?? I was listening to the Chris Evans Breakfast Show the other day and he played Good Enough by Dodgy (remember that from 1995) and it was lovely. Pleasant of note, warm of tone and with nice bouncy lyrics and it made a happy smile creep across my sleepy chops. Maybe it was memories of times past (zooming around in a mates gold Austin Maestro and cooking burgers over wood fires) that may have added to the pleasure of hearing the song but there really is just something grand about a well built composition. Some people say “She Loves You” by the Beatles is the perfect pop song. I am not sure I totally agree but I see their point. It is simple, catchy and memorable so certainly qualifies.

Perhaps it is an impossible task to shortlist such a massive amount of music into just one pinpoint of brilliance. Back in 2001 I tried to make an album of 15 songs, all of which would be my personal favourite of all time. I could only choose one per band (to save me just selecting two Pulp albums and calling it quits) but that was the only self imposed limit I held. Starting with a couple of sheets of paper I started to write down all the songs that had affected my life up until that point. When I got to 8 sides of A4 I stopped and thought “This just isn’t going to work”.!

I never did finish the list but maybe I should… as of the 20th of January 2011 THIS is my top ten songs OF ALL TIME as I see it. I am sure you will disagree so slap in a comment and show me yours.!

1, Pulp – Wickerman. Simply the most incredible piece of music. Brilliantly written, poignant, epic. It leaves you at the top of the music like you are riding a wave and then drops making you feel like you are flying gently back to earth. It captures the world as only Jarvis can, gritty, real, obscure but so true. If this song didn’t exist then my world would be a lot smaller.

2, Dire Straits – Telegraph Road. 14 minutes and 15 seconds of guitar moistness. I struggle to remember all the chords for an Oasis song for three minutes, Knophler whacks out the tab for a quarter of an hour and sings along as well. It may be another epic song but I don’t care. I can never get bored of this.

3, Fleetwood Mac – Rhiannon. Very difficult to narrow down Fleetwood Mac songs but this one, especially the video I was watching on Youtube of the live version from back in the 70s with Stevie at her dramatic best and Mr Buckingham giving it his bearded all on that axe, wow, what a performance.

4, The Smiths – How Soon Is Now. That infamous last song from clubbing. It describes me perfectly which perhaps makes it more relatively special to myself than other Smiths tracks. The loooong outro just keeps the song going round and round and round to the point where you sometimes wonder if you are just going to be dancing all night to this track, not that I would mind because it just works so nicely.

5, KLF – 3am Eternal. My perfect dance song, well early 1990s at least, it encompasses all the world learnt about dance music during the 1980s and then chews it up, spits it out and decimates anything released during the 1990s in the first year of the decade.!

6, Pendulum – Hold You Colour. I know this is never the most popular of their tracks and again special memories preside, but the whole damn track just grabs you by the nuts and squeezes you until that last note. If this song was a colour it would be purple, purple whirling around with the occasional flash of red. Nice.

7, Pharcyde – Runnin’. Hip hop.? Well yes. It may be 16 years old this year but I have been hooked since day one. To be honest between this and Regulate by Warren G this is how I started to understand more about music than just pop. If a hip hop track can be relaxing to listen to then this is it. Almost dreamy.

8, Sneaker Pimps – Six Underground. Now here is a dilemma. There are three SP tracks that I am obsessed with. Tesko Suicide, Spin Spin Sugar and this one. I had to listen to all three before I chose Six Underground… it just has the edge. I am not sure what that edge is, but there it is. There. No… there. Yes THERE. Ooooh.

9, Electric Prunes – Too Much To Dream Last Night. The second ever song played on Radio 1 by Mark and Lard… but bloody hell what a track.! Pure 60′s psychedelia at it’s very best. Why is this song not better known but Procul Harem and their Paler Shades is.? Weird how it all works out.

10, Cake – The Distance. I love motorsport, I love music and I love epics and this is a good example of all three rolled into one. Perhaps the best driving song ever written, it just spews class down your dashboard. Wonderful hook and a lovely little riff.

(Ok I know I said ten but I forgot something very important)…
11, Jamiroquai – Space Cowboy. The original mix of this song without that slightly harsh sounding wahwah guitar bit after the chorus is so delightful I could put it on once and press repeat and then stay there all week. It sounds brown, maybe the hat makes a difference, in an earthy kind of a way. Jay Kay knows just how to drag you into a song and form it around you (something he did with brilliant effect with Virtual Insanity) like a big room made of musical notes.

I better stop there before I start adding in things like ‘All Together Now’ by the Farm or ‘Taproot’ by Poem. Plus it is almost lunch time.! PIZZZZAAAAAA.

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Stroke Me, For I Am Done

January 2, 2011 - 5:04 pm

Good day fair folk of the interwebiness. Tis a brand new year, and one to celebrate. Well it might be one to celebrate but until it is over then how will we know.? Instead of not celebrating why don’t we just celebrate all year and if it’s crap then at least we have been too pissed up to notice.  This blog is brought to you by Celebrations. Apparently.

I have shied away from my usual New Year blog as I did a quick one for the Queen on Christmas day and there I shall leave 2010 I think. So what about this blog now… this one you are reading, literally dripping with anticipation for what I have to go on about.? Well in the interests of saving the environment and not wasting the world’s power reserves on more typing time I have borrowed a little piece from a certain website I often potter around on, but added a few more bits in for you lovely reader type people. The subject was “What is the worst band ever.” I think you can all smell the ranting coming from a mile off like a large fly getting a whiff of fresh dog’s egg down an alleyway.

“I can see the goodness in any genre, hip-hop, opera, dance, britpop, happy hardcore, thrash metal, a man with a set of spoons farting a heavenly chorus… it is all good. But. Oh but…

Music has taken a turn for the awful since about 2002 (or whenever Snowpatrol turned up). R and B used to be rhythm and blues, not repetitive and boring. Hearing decent eighties songs getting ground through Bob Sinclar’s casio keyboard or mangled by Cascada and those thighs has turned dance music away from it’s disco-y roots and into the mainstream of shite. Folk like Ellie Goulding and Eliza Doolittle have appeared as if out of nowhere and taken a big steaming dump on the world. It’s like the whole of aural sensation has started taking itself too seriously. Think back to the Darkness, now THERE was a band who enjoyed a laugh, played good music and made you smile to hear their music.
Rihanna appears FOUR times on last week’s top 40. FOUR. Years ago it was only the Gods of music like Lennon or Frankie Goes to Hollywood who managed things like that, now it is some big foreheaded, tone deaf bint with a voice that makes me want to push umbrellas(ellas – ellas) up her nose. Eminem has turned into a drunken piss, he was good at the start, a bit weak in the middle and is no dribbling to a disappointing finish. Owl City, OWL FUCKING CITY.! How in hell did they achieve a number one.? They should be forced to listen to that bag of crap repeatedly whilst being sanded by Damon Albarn and repeatedly kicked by the ghost of Jimmy Hendrix for daring to describe themselves as a band.

It is true though. Sadly the influence of people like Cowell and Walsh have dragged the whole world of music to the level of a penny chew. It no longer matters if  you have talent either, auto tune helps out there.

It isn’t all bad. Every now and then a little chink of niceness appears but maybe it is my age, maybe it is the fact that evreytime I turn on a TV programme some bitch with a high pitched voice starts singing from an advert at me about treetops and eating picnics on a motorway because your car has broken down but it’s ok as the world is better with yoooooooou. No love, it is better WITHOUT YOU. As in poke it. You lot make me want to go and kidnap Keane, shave them, superglue them to the rotting corpse of Keisa (I am not using stupid bloody dollar signs in names) and drag them along behind a truck spreading grit.

Burn them all. BURN THEM NOOOOOW.”

So shall we say for 2011 that we try a clean start… I shall rant the same amount about stuff that doesn’t matter and you lot keep sending the poisonous/explosive/acidic cookies to the heads of large corporate machines who make this land into the kind of joke which is no longer funny.? It is 10 years since 9/11, maybe this year someone can fly a plane into Simon Cowell’s face.

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